Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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non-Precision Nut Cracker

guaranteed to crack any nut
  [vote for,

Place nut on anvil, and step back to a safe distance.
Put on safety glasses.
Press button to release poised sledge hammer, which bounces back into position after one blow.
Start picking, scraping and separating edible nut remains from surface of anvil. (this may take some time)
Clear shell fragments from surface.
Eat nut components as a reward.
Clean face of hammer ready for next nut.
xenzag, Mar 09 2012

Precision_20Nut_20Opener antitheses [xenzag, Mar 09 2012]

"That's a lot of nuts!" http://www.youtube....watch?v=T7W3gd7gJUw
(obligatory Kung Pow quote) [normzone, Mar 09 2012]


       Clean the hammer? All this time, I knew I was omitting a crucial step.
Alterother, Mar 09 2012

       So, basically, a hammer?
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 09 2012

       An exercise in understanding.
xenzag, Mar 09 2012

       When the shell-side's on the outside
(Which, for nuts, would be the right side)
Then the meat-side's on the inside,
(It's the inside that's the eat-side).

If the meat-side were the outside,
And the shell-side were the inside,
Then we'd eat it and be satisfied,
And spit the pit out on the plate-side.

       But the shell-side's on the outside,
And, unless it's on the thin side,
Then the means to reach the inside,
Are ingeniously diversified.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 09 2012

       Scientist, humanitarian, and poet. [The Alterother] is outdone.   

Alterother, Mar 09 2012

       //Scientist, humanitarian, and poet// And eukaryote.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 09 2012

       You're a coyote? Clever dog - but down boy - we don't like that!
xenzag, Mar 09 2012

       ...I'm tempted to post "Schrödinger's nutcracker"
mitxela, Mar 09 2012

       Frankly, I'm surprised it took this long for someone to think of that.
Alterother, Mar 10 2012

       Funny, I was just explaining the Schro-cat thing to my sweetheart, and attempting to diplomatically determine if she'd drank all the beer in the house.   

       Which led me to Schrödinger's beer - until you look in the refrigerator, you just don't know.
normzone, Mar 10 2012


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