Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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sexy backpack

university type backpacks could me made to make their wearers more attractive
  (+8, -7)
(+8, -7)
  [vote for,

university backpacks look like saggy trapezoidal ziggurats; I think they could be reshaped to create attraction

a few ways visually pastel n white backpacks are more appealing


sag could be cured with bands that ratchet upward with bounce

genetic algorithm based on user views of backpacks finds the attractive shapes

go with round shapes

beanangel, Oct 09 2007

Russell Brand - gorgeousness http://www.youtube....watch?v=KPjB9nual1A
[po, Oct 10 2007]

vibrating plate makes shapes http://youtube.com/...ode=related&search=
[beanangel, Oct 11 2007]

Monkey Backpack http://www.monkeybackpack.co.uk/
monkey backpack
monkey backpack
monkey backpack
yay [calum, Oct 11 2007]

This one's fairly sexy, if coupled with the whole outfit. http://www.studiocr...6_left_backpack.jpg
...and it's pasty, too. [k_sra, Oct 11 2007]

Practice safe backpacking http://www.allthego...006_15_backpack.jpg
this is what happens when your backpack is TOO sexy [k_sra, Oct 11 2007]

(?) Gucci http://www.celeb-pr...shion_Backpacks.jpg
is sleek the same as sexy? i think so. [k_sra, Oct 11 2007]

Swiss Army Backpack http://www.swissarm...essengersbackpacks&
Is practical the same as sexy? I think so. (Sorry k-sra) [Canuck, Oct 11 2007]

(?) Genetic algorithm applied to garments; being tested NOW http://www.youtube....watch?v=qmVQPJ51nJE
[beanangel, Oct 12 2007]

It's Udder Chaos! http://www.cafepres...m/javatime.14354491
Here's a tote bag for you. [Canuck, Oct 12 2007]

(?) Youtube video of this idea http://youtube.com/watch?v=RsZlUk_TBvU
[beanangel, Dec 19 2007]


       I like where [rcarty]'s going with this idea...
hippo, Oct 09 2007

       So to restate: Let's Make backpacks sexier.   

       We shall achieve this by adopting the following 5 strategies:
1) Make them pastel and white.
2) Un-sag them with some vaguely described bandy ratchet device
3) Make them different shapes.
4) Decide which shapes to make them using a "genetic algorithm"
5) Of those shapes "genetically algorised", choose only the round ones.

       Am I severely missing the point, or is this really the best you could come up with?   

       Why not apply these same five strokes of utter genius to other areas of design such as shoes, trousers, houses, cars, blimps, software - indeed anything?   

       A university could be opened and courses offered in
a) using pastel and white
b) adopting the use of bands and ratchety things
c) making things different shapes
d) using genetic algorithms
e) going for round shapes.
zen_tom, Oct 09 2007

       no emoticons
evilpenguin, Oct 09 2007

       This is a great idea [+}
evilpenguin, Oct 09 2007

       There is nothing that will make a backpack sexy.
Noexit, Oct 09 2007

       Not even the person that is wearing it?
Ling, Oct 09 2007

       I'll bring my sexy pack
Them other bookbags don't know how to act.
I think it's special... what's behind your back
So bounce around and and It'll pick up the slack

       [Wear it to the Bridge]   

       If you make it so it straps around the stomach and makes it look like you have a sixpack, you can call it the abs-back.   

       can also have water storage for the glutes   

       or the same for breastses, but that's like their org. function.
the great unknown, Oct 09 2007

       I once had an idea for a "nutter on the bus" repelling backpack which I never got round to posting. Coming from the angle that, to avoid the bus nutter sitting next to you, in an almost Zen-like way one has to become the bus nutter oneself. It was a backpack that you took off and sat on the seat next to you. The shoulder straps were in two pieces which quickly snapped apart - the upper part looked like arms and the lower part looked like legs - and the top flap bit of the backpack had a humanesque face on the inside, and a balloon-like inflatable bit behind it.   

       So you'd take off your backback, sit it beside you, inflate its open flappy face, and suddenly you're no longer travelling alone but have a slightly eerie doll-like companion taking up the aisle seat beside you, which is sure to deter all but the most hardcore mental pee-smelling bus nutters.
lostdog, Oct 09 2007

       Next: Backpack nuts.
jutta, Oct 09 2007

       This is so much better than my idea of a sexy hunchback.
Brett-Blob, Oct 10 2007

       Perhaps [zen_tom] got out of bed the wrong side. Clearly, his bed is not rounded and pastel enough. Although it's easy to sneer at attempts to pin down sexiness algorithmically, I think this idea is rather attractive. What makes it truly half-baked, and funny, is the confusion between (1) making a backpack which makes the wearer sexy and (2) making the backpack itself sexy.   

       Altogether now,
I'M... too sexy for my BACKpack,
... too sexy for my BEDroll,
... too sexy for my WAterbottle,

       etc., etc. [+]
pertinax, Oct 10 2007

zen_tom, Oct 10 2007

       [Treon] is bringing sexy back(pack)
marklar, Oct 10 2007

       Yo! You only find pastel and white sexy? Tell that to mah sistaz, mofo
BunsenHoneydew, Oct 10 2007

       /This is so much better than my idea of a sexy hunchback/   

       Whachu gonna do with all that lunch All that lunch inside your hunch? I'm a gonna I'm agonna make you munch Munch drunk on my sexy hunch.   

       My hunch! My hunch my hunch my hunch!
bungston, Oct 10 2007

       I am thinking about this idea and [Treon] mention of user ratings. One could use a web page to quickly ascertain which shapes are sexyest. Relative scariness could be ascertained as well.   

       The screen shows 2 or 3 large shapes: similarly colored. The user clicks on the sexyest. Speed is of the essence: sexy should be reflexive. Not too much thinking. If no click in 2 seconds a new set is shown and it is a tie. If a given rater has too many ties they are deemed too slow to appreciate sexy.   

       Later iterations could see how colors affect sexy: can pastel and white redeem a saggy ziggurat?   

       Final iterations can apply optimally shaped and colored formats to shoes, trousers, houses, and cars. Not blimps - they need to be blimpen.
bungston, Oct 10 2007

       I need hair and lots of it - kind of Russell Brand atop my backpack.   

       oh sorry, is this a male fantasy thing?
po, Oct 10 2007

       I had to look up Mr Brand. I found "Russell Brand, who can neither sing nor dance, has a much less interesting crotch than Elvis, but does wear tight black from teased head to pointy foot, as well as gobs of gluey eye makeup."   

       A Russell Brand backpack should be a doable deal. Tight, black, teased, pointy. The gobs of glue can be inside, to be released when the situation calls for them.
bungston, Oct 10 2007

       excuse me but Mr Brand is my fantasy - just don't try to analyse it...   

       and he is very, very funny.   

       <resists impulse to punch bungston>
po, Oct 10 2007

       edited this anno; as a kind of friendliness I will comment on kmlabs ideas   

       [zen_tom], aren't blimps already kind of rounded?   

       Actually, I think if backpacks looked like blimps that would be [noticeably]cool =)   

       ------------------ ------------------------- ------------------- ------------------------ kmlabs, Oct 09 2007
beanangel, Oct 11 2007

       [zen tom] Am I severely missing the point, or is this really the best you could come up with   

       funny you should ask   

       right after typing that, just as the maclab was shutting down I told the FBI agents running keymonitoring software I was about to write about physics   

       I was applying calculus to E=MC^2 and had an idea that amazed me so much I figured my tinfoil hat must be chronically off spec; I hastened to delete everything I wrote during the past two yearsish; then, after much thought, I came to think my tinfoil hat was fully compliant   

       I could describe the physics idea   

       photoelectric effect: photon change to electron effect can be described with calculus; schrodingers equation only works on Hydrogen n group I elements; schrodingers equation can be upgraded to describe different atoms with this thing   

       this thing: I was trying to visualize calculus as a change of the rate of change; after grooving on an image I can't describe due to tinfoil hat aspects I thought of a nearly adequate rate of change of rate of change visualization   

       2d spatial nodes of material on a vibrating plate form obvious patterns; between two discete frequencies the material shifts, the visual of that shift [link] is a plausible visual of change to a rate of change   

       now the fun thing about these vibrating plate patterns is their obvious spatial discrete blobbiness; rather like 3d chem orbital pictures   

       I liked the way the equation that I thought of kind of described translated an electrion charge physically disperse sytem as a simplish derivative of E=MC^2; the thought that made it work was that electrons have spn measured as 1/2; with multiple spn levels present at different atoms; basically it was a translation structure between an array of spns unique to different atoms piped through a mangled up relativity (maybe) equation that relates them to the frequency of light going photoelectric (that is a motional derivative of light transforming causes a regularized pattern rich with 1/2s that connects to schrodingers equation)   

       anyway, I thought I'd better see if it made sense n make it highly functional, then I realized I couldn't possibly have thought of such a thing   

       I haven't verified if it makes sense   

       I kind of went on to think of new materials that could be created with this theory as I was after a plausible way to put it up here; basically I thought you could do some "highly clever" thing where you got part of the photoelectric effect to happen, but less than all of it, such that a photons charge was smeared across a molecule   

       being utterly grandiose I was reminded of a recent New Scientist thing that talked about quantum tunneling on a meter distance; basically this was a way to create a redirection of part of a quantum tunneled smear such that you could do loopy stuff with it like bouncy bounce automata or parallel with prequel addressing computation or um, a timeless form of computation   

       while I'm creating this theory; till then think attractive backpack
beanangel, Oct 11 2007

       um, yeah anyway It occurs to me that at raves some people brought backpacks with lots of fuzzy touchable things on them to promote people meeting people
beanangel, Oct 11 2007

       // I'll bring my sexy pack // [2 fries]   

       // My hunch! My hunch my hunch my hunch! // [Bungston]   

       My backpack brings all the boys to the yard   

       I think we've got the ad campaign sorted.
marklar, Oct 11 2007

       Hi Treon,
I didn't mean to come across all mean - and I'm sure you don't need a hat, tin or otherwise.

       But my point wasn't that this isn't intellectual enough, or clever enough, or outlandish enough - I'm completely happy, on all those counts - indeed, I prefer this more down-to-earth style. It was the apparent sweeping generalisations that caused my earlier rantings. I figure my main issue was missing the significance of "pastel n white"   

       So, I re-read the idea, looking for things that I might have missed (a specific, common theme that maybe those generalisations were all pointing to) and I've come to the shaky conclusion that perhaps we are talking about a backpack that looks like a load of tits?   

       Which is fine, and in my book, a bloody good idea. Breasts are undoubtedly attractive (personally, I'd have also included ones of skin hues other than purely pastel/white) and in a backpack, such a design would undoubtedly have novelty appeal.   

       I'm still not sure I'd necessarily find them that attractive hanging out of someone's back. But that's just a matter of personal taste.   

       So [+] and apologies for my gross misunderstanding - I just find it frustratingly difficult to understand you sometimes - it's like doing a cryptic crossword.
zen_tom, Oct 11 2007

       //I haven't verified if it makes sense// [marked-for-tagline] anyone?
theleopard, Oct 11 2007

       I have it on reasonably good authority that backboobs are generally considered to be non-sexy.
calum, Oct 11 2007

       //I'm still not sure I'd necessarily find them that attractive hanging out of someone's back.//

Breasts hanging out of peoples' backs? You've obviously taken adrenochrome [zen_tom], that's straight out of one of the drug sequences in "Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas". Presumably [po] is on the same stuff in order to find the talentless confluence of hair, posturing and falsetto that is Russell Brand attractive and funny.

Can I add "Baby got backpack" for the purposes of the ad campaign?
DocBrown, Oct 11 2007

       ahem, I'm not on any stuff, thank you very much <sniff> its all very personal, what and who we find attractive.
po, Oct 11 2007

       The "baby got backpack" ad could feature the pastel material of various sexy backpacks vibrating to the bass beat and forming discrete and obvious patterns. As the camera pans out for a birdseye view, these patterns, when viewed across many different backpacks simultaneously, merge via a Magic Eye type of effect to form an image of Russell Brand, whom of course would be covering the classic Sir Mix-a-Lot tune for the ad.
bungston, Oct 11 2007

       //its all very personal, what and who we find attractive.//

OK that's true enough, but to find him funny? Admit it, you're whacked out on something!
DocBrown, Oct 11 2007

       Call me practical, call me old-school, call me a taxi, I don't care! I like the Swiss Army Backpacks (see link), especially the Bond model, but I'd want it in black. With the optional jet pack.   

       <takes a moment to observe the passing of Moneypenny - Lois Maxwell, a fellow Canuck)
Canuck, Oct 11 2007

       I can't say I fancy Russell Brand, but I have to admit that I do occasionally find him funny. Then again, I'm whacked out on numerous different things.
jtp, Oct 11 2007

       ////I haven't verified if it makes sense// [marked-for-tagline] anyone?//
[theleopard] - definitely. I'll let you add it to the list (I should really get back to work...)
neutrinos_shadow, Oct 11 2007

       NIFTY simultaneous idea at youtube [link]   

       This video shows you how a genetic algorithm can help you learn to dress better for attracting members of the opposite sex. (more)
beanangel, Oct 12 2007

       I'm not sure if Treon understands this and just being deadpan, or whether he truly thinks that this is "being tested NOW" - but the speaker is not being serious.
It's a made-up example, not something that exists - or would make sense - in reality.
jutta, Oct 12 2007

       call me Big Daddy when you back that pack up!
k_sra, Oct 12 2007

       Where can I get some of this adrenochrome stuff?   

       As it happens, I rather enjoy the comedic stylings of Mr Brand, and when I saw him mentioned here, I was so enthralled, I time-travelled immediately to Victorian London, ran down the nearest fog-bound alleyway, tapped Jack the Ripper on the shoulder (in doing so, distracting him momentarily from his task of dismembering an unfortunate creature of the evening) pulled down my trousers and pants, polished my dinkle till it was sharp as a knife and shouted, "Is that Dickensian enough for ya!?" - The Swine!
zen_tom, Oct 12 2007

       Forsooth, you should not in cases such as these be so inclined as to imbibe licquor at work, whilst your wily fingers tap at the forbidden keyboard of your doom. In the midst of all this vibrant, and at times most articulate, altercative ponderancy, a clear head and a sharp mind are thy soldiers of argumentative sedition. Mark me squire; put the whiskey back in the drawer, lest it consume your oddly compelling wittenstance.
theleopard, Oct 12 2007

       Forsooth!? It was not without some apprehension that I read your most emboldened treatise, and subject to my retaining the literate ability imposed upon me by my formative tutorage, and those faculties being of an unencumbered status, I hasten to add, I was surprised to discover that on no less a topic than the morality and surrounding ill-virtue of the practice of undergoing intoxication during the working day had you written!   

       What enturbulations such an implication sends spiralling through the most gentlest of my sensibilities, I find it next to impossible to consider, let alone begin to render, except by way of that most oblique reference, the "pooh-pooh". And pooh-pooh you, I do. That I might even countenance such an underhanded notion is no more than mere frippery and nonsense, of the highest, and most profligate degree.
zen_tom, Oct 12 2007

       Perhappenstance my fervent accusations were somewhat abrupt, warrant e'en premature, for which I canneth but decree upon you my most humblest of apologies, and those I gladly proclaim with a brimming enthusiasm and the gusto of my grandest vocabulary, having in this instance been overjoyed at your confident, and forthright rebuttal.   

       Indeed, such raptuous delectation have you bestowed upon me in simply quenching my unwarranted fears of kindred alcoholism, for which I am duly, and concurrently, thankful and compunctious. Might I entreach you to settle my grievous misjudgment over an amorous beaker of warm yeast and hops?
theleopard, Oct 12 2007

       Gentle Bakers, I entreat you to bide awhile, in order that your respective thesauri may enjoy a brief respite in order to recuperate from this unexpected voluminous usage. There exists the danger of obfuscatory and dilletantish behaviour should the unabated foraging of synonymity continue. Consider thine elves apprised!
Canuck, Oct 12 2007

       Having actually designed backpacks, I'm going to have to say the major problem with this idea is that it isn't feasible. Unless you're going to go with a full frame, or possibly even a double frame rigid pack, the saggy zigurat shape is sort of inherent in the loading of a pack.   

       It is designed that way for ergonomics, and any improvements in the last twenty years or so have been pretty much focused on that, notice that the base deisgn hasn't changed much.   

       Noting that we do stupid things like wear ties and/or high heels in order to look good, I'm sure there woiuld be a market for other shapes, but it's not something I would want to wear every day.
MechE, Oct 12 2007

       [po] I'd like to order one of your Russell Brand backpacks.
Thank you.
xandram, Oct 12 2007

       Sheer and utter madness, I say. (Carry on)!
blissmiss, Oct 12 2007

       What's that you say, bliss? You want a sheer carry-on bag designed with udder madness? Sorry, I couldn't find a carry-on, just a tote - see the link.
Canuck, Oct 12 2007

       It's things like this that make me think Treon wasn't so bad in comparison. Oh wait...
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 12 2007

       It seems that for men and women both, the sexy shape is a triangle, point down. This seems to be the shape emphasized by fashion: broad across the shoulders/breasts, narrow in hips and thighs. [Treon] probably dislikes the standard campus pack because it is the opposite triangle: point up.   

       The sexy backpack would be a triangle pointed down, with the flat side extending between the wearers shoulders. This side should be shorter than the other two. The upper part would be a light color, darkening down toward a dark (leather?) lower point. Demarcating the bottom point into a smaller triangle would be a belt or band, traversing the bag horizontally. The top 3/4 would not be contiguous with the small bottom point. The top 3/4 would be for books etc, the bottom 1/4 for small items. The belt would itself contain some small pockets for pens etc.   

       In some versions the pack might be printed with folded wings.   

       It might be necessary to have a single horizontal frame element to maintain the line between the shoulders.   

       I can see this in my mind. I am not 100% sure it would be sexy. I invite anyone with the inclination to draw a picture of it.
bungston, Oct 14 2007

Worldgineer, Oct 14 2007

       //university type backpacks could me made..// be sp?
Dub, Oct 16 2007

       How about laces and thong straps too? I think also triangle shapes might suffice as well .... Oh gosh, where's my mind at today!? .... I think I may have just invented the "atomic backpack wedgie" with the bouncey ratchet straps.
quantum_flux, Oct 16 2007

       just to see if it was possible to make a video rapidly I made a video of this idea [link]   

       rapidly as near an hour
beanangel, Dec 19 2007

       there are no words
globaltourniquet, Dec 19 2007


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