Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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to bargain with threats of surrealism

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if cornered ,and having no other way of escaping,and no other realistic form of threat; and having no weapons to outmatch them ,how about threats of something weird,a threat to do something so caramelised they'll wish they never shoved socks up their noses.... eCt
technobadger, Aug 16 2001

a related idea. http://www.halfbake..._20Foreign_20Policy
[futurebird, Aug 16 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]

The Baby Jesus Buttplug http://www.divine-i...tions.com/baby.html
Buttplug ain't no Aussie-only slang [-alx, Aug 16 2001, last modified Oct 21 2004]

George Melly http://www.freelist...-2006/msg01420.html
defended himself by reciting a surrealist poem [xenzag, Sep 28 2007]


       Is this for individual or national defense? Or scale-independent, ie both? Either way, it's interesting, and not as wacky as it's surface appearance--isn't there a style of 'diplomacy' which uses an appearance of unpredictability to throw the opposition into a tizzy?
Dog Ed, Aug 16 2001

       Most effective negotiations involve some element of the unknown. I'm not sure threatening your counterpart with an atomic wedgie would produce results (or at least not the results one might hope for). On the other hand, they might think you've flipped and cave in right away.
phoenix, Aug 16 2001

       One more idea like this and you'll be noctambulating out of your hypnagogic navel, Ringo.
mrthingy, Aug 16 2001

       "What's the frequency, Kenneth?"
beauxeault, Aug 17 2001

       Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!
reensure, Aug 17 2001

       If you're not careful they'll just think you're using some regional vernacular that appears threatening and carry on pummeling you for being a dumb yokel. Waug's "tide your driggers" line is a case in point.   

       I think the idea would be better if the response line were an utter non-sequitor:   

       VILLAIN: Oy! You slimy bastard! I'll rip your face off!   

       VICTIM: Hey, pal, I'll render you so adorable your taxi will spit.   

       VILLAIN: erp.   

       VICTIM: I'll bake you some pineapple cream puffs, I will.   

       VILLAIN: You'll bake...?   

       VICTIM: If you don't watch out, I'm likely to doodle!   

       Or something.
globaltourniquet, Aug 17 2001

       Guy I knew got started on by a bunch of townies a while ago...he started chanting the name of a Norse god really loud and charged them - they ran off shit scared. Many people, especially the brainless types who go around picking fights, have no idea how to cope with as unpredictable a reaction as this.   

       Of course, they might just decide to pummel you regardless.
-alx, Aug 17 2001

       I like to brush people off by claiming things which clearly do exist, dont actually exist at all. It works well at work when a manager is badgering me for something to be done:   

       BOSS: did you get those claims filled in?   

       ME: oh, they dont exist.   

       BOSS: yes they do, I saw them this morning and told you to...   

       ME: no you didnt   

       BOSS: but I handed them to you and asked you to...   

       ME: prove it.   

       BOSS: well, just get it done. OK?   

       ...there was that time my boss was a mature age student who spent most of her second year studying Sartre. I was clearly outclassed.
sdm, Aug 17 2001

       "buttplug.... biffin' ... stoush ...now where'd that Aussie to English dictionary go?"
PotatoStew, Aug 17 2001

       Buttplug isn't specifically Aussie slang. Don't ask me how I know about the linked example though.
-alx, Aug 17 2001

       global ,master[perhaps] of surreal metaphors, you've been away a while
technobadger, Aug 17 2001

       kill 'em with kindness. i'm too much of a bitch to do it, but i hear it works
celizafinn, Aug 17 2001

       Shout recent tabloid headlines newsboy-style: "Extry! Extry! Gay Corpses Found in Titanic Life Ring!"
The Military, Aug 18 2001

       Blind them with funky science.
skinflaps, Sep 27 2007

       I once heard a story told by the late George Melly, British jazz singer. He was able to fend off the threat of an attack by some thugs, by reciting a selection of surrealist gibberish in the form of a Kurt Schwitters sound poem. (see link which I just found)
xenzag, Sep 27 2007


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