h a l f b a k e r y
"Not baked goods, Professor; baked bads!" -- The Tick
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The Zero-G Bar will hopefully be located in
a section of outer space where controlled
substance laws are relaxed and an
intergalactic assortment of mind-altering
intoxicants are available to the
adventurous astronaut. It's easy to score
Orion's Organic Betelgeuse Bud, but how
can you smoke
it in a bong without
gravity? The weed needs to burn while the
toker sucks the gas stream through a
volume of water. The problem on
spaceships and orbital stations is the
liquid balls up and floats around and the
bong water gets in your mouth and all
over the cabin.
The BSQ 0g Bong is designed to function
in low gravity environments and still have
the familiar form of that old Apogee
multichambered plexi model from your
dorm room days at Starfreak Academy.
The herb burns in a bowl on a hollow stem
and bubbles through the water when the
mouth seals against the cylinder top and
creates a negative pressure, a.k.a. 'taking
The bowl of the bong is a spherical screen
chamber that opens along its equator and
compressed pellets of dried leaves are
placed inside and snapped shut. The
screen chamber sits inside an airtight
glass bulb enclosure with a valve fitting
for drawing breathable air from the cabin
or a bottled supply. A small coiled
rheostat extends from the dome apex of
the screen chamber lid hemisphere on a
spring loaded shock absorber shaft. The
flat face of the coil lightly contacts the top
of the pot pellet. Current is sent through
the wire, raising the coil metal surface
temperature enough to heat the mind fuel
to the combustion point. Pressure passes
the pleasurable gasses away from the
lump and into the lungs
The bowl assembly is a self contained bud
burning unit with multiple applications in
'float and fly' situations. A standard fitting
allows attachment to the pressure suit
helmet for EVAs. Hereafter the term
"bowl bulb" will reference this subsystem
which has halfbakery merit of its own. On
the 0g, the bowl bulb connects to a stem
sticking down into a liquid mass contained
inside the space bong's 'centrifugal
The 'centrifugal chamber' works by
spinning the base of the bong around fast
enough that the resultant forces simulate
a gravitational field. The mechanical
motion establishes an equilibrium that
allows a gas to bubble through a liquid
and then easily inhaled downstream. The
beauty of the 0g Bong is that while the
bowl bulb and centrifugal chamber are
circling, the toker can levitate above a
stationary mouthpiece while catching a
To form a mental image of the 0g Bong,
picture your lips on a standard cylinder,
stem, & bowl design b-hitter, 2" diameter
and 12" or more long. Now imagine as
you stare down the outside of the tube,
the plastic bends 90 degrees and the
lower half spins while you are standing
still. The joint at this junction moves
smoothly and maintains a tight seal.
The bong mouthpiece is fitted with flaps
that fix closed the inhalation end until a
user pushes down to open the valve. A
single button press revs up the centrifigul
chamber, heats the bowl bulb rheostat,
and allows airflow between burning stash
and lost-in-space stoner. Press the
button twice and the bowl bulb vacuums
the ashes. Reloading the 0g Bong may
someday be automated, but currently
requires a manual fill.
"Cube is in the back" [Cube, Jan 26 2006]
basic principles [Cube, Jan 27 2006]
||It would be sooooo much easier to rotate the bar to provide simulate gravity. It strikes me that due to excessive smoking you have become an obsessive bong-designer. However, having been there myself I won't hold it against you.
||By the way, if you haven't been to "Whistling bong" I can highly recommend it.
||[wagster] If you think it is easier to spin a
bar than a bong, what have you been
smoking? The 0g Bong works even when
the user is weightless which is the whole
idea. My friends and I first started talking
about this after seeing the movie
"Moonraker" which ends with James Bond
shaging a bird on the space shuttle. In
fact, I must credit Chris DeBaun with
inspiritation around the oven back in the
70's. His nickname was "DuBong"
||// where controlled substance laws are relaxed//
- spend two minutes in the Rookery (one of my favourite
spots) in Amsterdam and all your dreams of floating bongs
will come true. For all bong notions (and nations) +
||At the risk of taking this too seriously, building your bar inside a spinning cylinder will help with: loading the water, loading the weed, taking a sip of your drink, not losing the lighter, not losing the remote, hanging your coat on a peg, sitting down, not burning your hair etc. It requires merely two thruster rockets on the outside of your bar. Bond was in a space shuttle, not a bar, where simulated gravity was not such a necessity. Admittedly if you wanted to get high on a present day space trip, the 0g bong would be invaluable.
||I read the title and thought it was maybe a bong for cavemen* - maybe you could spell it "zero-g"
* Apologies to Gary Larson fans who may think all cavemen are called "Thag"
||Zero-G Bong or Og Bong? I thought 0g
was cute and clever. Every bong has a
name, often of obscure reference. I'm new
to the bakery and still finding my balance
||Og Bong is fine by me. Then again, most things are fine by me.
||+ Very well thought out - I'd like to see your interpretation of a nargli (turkish waterpipe).
||//nargli// You could set yourself gently rotating with the waterpipe orbiting you on the end of its hose. To light, repack, etc. you would haul it in then let it out again, or better, have a setup like a miniature space elevator with a little robot climber that takes your stash and lighter out to the pipe.
||I feel like we just were hanging out and you are smart, I laugh too much enjoying your writing.
||How about firing the engines in order to provide a little inertial acceleration for when you are hitting the bong? Or how about using a personal jetpack? Or, howabout doing a super-spaceninja backflip in order to get the water to stay pressed against the bottom of the bulb?