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A Set of Universal Sports Teams

A team you could root for
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It has come to my attention that commercial sports teams such as baseball, basketball and football teams rarely, have team members from the geographical area the team represents. For example, the Seattle Mariners has only several team members who grew up in Seattle, much less the State of Washington. This is true for the Seattle Seahawks, where most of the players wouldn’t know a Space Needle from an Eiffel Tower, the players playing for money not the glory of the City the team represents.

Commercial sports team owners are now given tax breaks, free or tax payer subsidized benefits such as paid-for modern stadiums to keep the team in their local area when team owners threaten to leave for a place that doesn’t have a team. For example a few years ago, the Seattle Mariners were given a new stadium subsidized by tax payers, the new stadium build upon the dust of the of the still unpaid for and tax-payer owned King Dome, torn down so the team owners could have a new stadium with more private viewing boxes for millionaires and a movable roof.

Now the Seattle Sonics threaten to leave the basketball stadium modernized for them by the taxpayers just 10 years ago, the team owners claiming the present one does not have enough private booths for the millionaire basketball fans, even though there appears to be enough seats in the present stadium, as shown by great number of empty seats during most games. The team is making arrangment to move somewhere in the Midwest, perhaps Oklahoma to a city with no basketball team.

What I propose is a universal stadium where two universal teams play all games. The Stadium should be constructed near a populated area with removable signage that changes according to the game announced. There would be no need for taxpayer-subsidized gifts to the team owners. Any City that wants a team could sponsor a game in the universal stadium with signage and uniforms with fanciful team names, such as Portland Ponies, Omaha Oatmeals, etc.

An advantage is that the team players will not have to travel anymore, but could stay home with the family since work at the universal stadium just like any other work, just a commute away.

The audience called fans will be encouraged to fill up the stadium by gifts, product discounts, fast food and large drinks and told to cheer as TV audiences are instructed for other types of programs.

What will also remain the same is the stadium will be designed to maximize ads viewed on TV placed strategically throughout the stadium so that every play will have some ad in the background for the TV audience, to satisfy the TV viewer’s interest to buy more and more. The price of the ads will continue to relate to the frequency of viewing particular plays such as the ads behind home plate will be the most expensive while the ads behind left and right fields will less expensive.

el dueno

el dueno, May 12 2008

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       Okay I’ll bite.   

       You are absolutely right. It is outrageous that we are forced to subsidize these trivial sporting contests while scores of talented artists go unfunded because Joe six-pack is too dense to appreciate the unique beauty of their suffering. Oh the humanity.
bneal27, May 12 2008
  

       But UNIVERSAL? International i can see but i doubt we can develop teams, or even sports for that mater, that will have interstellar appeal. It would truly be an "all star" lineup.
WcW, May 12 2008
  

       Have you seen the Jupiterian offensive line? They're huge!   

       But I don't get the idea. You're proposing a stadium, for a team, in a city, that uses local players? And there will never be any away games for the players? What am I missing? The joke? Or are you just bitter about the Sonics moving to OKC?
Noexit, May 12 2008
  

       I think it's for having 1 stadium instead of many, and having a double-handful of pro players who don various jerseys to play sponsored matches.   

       I don't like the fact that "my" team hasn't won the Cup in 40 years, but I'm not sure this is an improvement.
FlyingToaster, May 12 2008
  

       Yeah! Oklahoma Super Sonics. That's MY team now.
jaksplat, May 12 2008
  

       I think this is a pleasing reductio ad absurdum. [+]
pertinax, May 14 2008
  

       Yeah, I think this is that absurdity reduction thingy, too. +   

       //It is outrageous that we are forced to subsidize these trivial sporting contests while scores of talented artists go unfunded because Joe six-pack is too dense//   

       I also agree with this species distraction.
nomocrow, May 14 2008
  
      
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