Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Expensive, difficult, slightly dangerous, not particularly effective... I'm on a roll.

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Ad Strategy Database

Better ad strategies
  [vote for,

"Remarkable," I can pretty much resist, because no one says, "remarkable" in real life.

"Hey," gets me every time, because it's so minimal, it's just what one of real friends would put in the subject of an email, which has, thank you advertising companies, forced me to reevaluate my real friendships.

"You'll never guess what 5 strategies these successful marketeers used to get you to click on their links," also gets me every time because, although I realize quickly that it's a marketing gimmick, I just can't resist the opportunity to prove them wrong about whether I would do anything, so I say to myself, "well, we'll just see about whether I will never guess or not, and then I am off to the races.

But these strategies are getting old. I may fall for them now, but I recognize them enough to write the down here. Pretty soon it's going to be only our senior citizens, kids and people with cognitive disabilities who are falling for these ploys. Can I get in on this game somehow?

Entre the Advertising strategy database, where I take real subject lines of emails that I get from my friends, or simulations thereof, and enter them into a database for patent protection, use by nefarious marketeers and then payment to me based on how many people they successfully dupe.

I spend the rest of my life in Guadalajara reading the same fricking emails, but now copying and pasting the best subject lines into the Advertising strategy database and sipping tequila based on the profits.

On a peripherally related note, one of the first audiobooks I read was a book about the future of computing written by Bill Gates and the narrator who read the book would always get a little spit in his mouth before he said the word profit, so that it came out "phthslrofit", so that it sounded like he couldn't contain his salivation because he was so eager to get his teeth into that profit. I don't know whether that was on purpose but it was very effective in steering me away from a career in profit.

JesusHChrist, May 08 2014


       + You got me with the last paragraph! Hope you make phthmillions!
xandram, May 08 2014

       //no one says, "remarkable" in real life.//   

       That's a remarkable generalisation.
MaxwellBuchanan, May 08 2014

       I too am now slavering for phthslrofit!   

       What is really needed is some robontic intelligence that tracks words and phrases and clauses from the internet and realizes that certain of them are perfect to cause fish to bite. Much like makers of fishing lures follow rules and principles for attracting various creatures.
bungston, May 09 2014

       Maybe. Well. This could be useful, if generalized to all other marketing media, not jost emails.
Mindey, Aug 30 2014

       {proffers phthslpitoon}
pertinax, Aug 31 2014

       What's 'email'?
pashute, Aug 31 2014


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