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Yeah, I wish it made more sense too.
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Some decades ago, rock'n'roll was
born. It was the more or less
natural result of the rise of
consumer mass media and the emergence
of a large demographic of teenagers
with pocket money. As such, it was
about teenage rebellion, about
greasing one's hair and wearing
leather jackets, about high-school
and provocative hip-swaying
dancing. The oldies saw it as a
threat to decency and protested it,
which made the teenagers all the more
eager to identify with it.
Some decades later, those teenagers
became middle-aged, many with
well-paying white-collar jobs and
more grown-up tastes to spend their
discretionary income on. Now a lot
of them didn't graduate to classical
music or even jazz, but maintained an
interest in the rock genre; on the
other hand, they weren't rebellious
teenagers any more, but rather the
voices of age and wisdom contrasting
with hormonal brats of their own. So
the recording industry invented
adult-oriented rock; stuff like
Michael Bolton and Bryan Adams, with
all the staid conservatism of a genre
that knows it's part of the status
quo, not its overthrowing. (And then
the Rolling Stones issued their own
platinum credit card, but that's
In the past few decades, hip-hop has
been one of the fastest growing
musical genres; born in the inner
cities of America and influenced by
Jamaican sound systems and an ethic
of improvisation, it has reached out
into suburbia and the charts. And to
an extent, it has been adopted into
the mainstream; witness rappers like
Will Smith, gangsta rap made with
rebellious white kids in mind, and
even hip-hop elements in manufactured
boy/girl bands. However, that is
still marketed at Generation Y.
The kids who grew up listening to
Snoop Dogg and Ice Cube will, in
their own time, grow up and become
comfortable fourtysomethings with
kids, mortgages and air-conditioned
SUVs. As such, someone will have to
formulate adult-contemporary rap so
they have something to put on the car
stereo when commuting to work, taking
the kids to the equivalent of soccer
practice, or just kvetching about how
they can't understand the noise their
kids are listening to.
"It's All About the Pentiums"
Something like this, maybe? [Uncle Nutsy, Mar 31 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]
MC Hawking's Crib
Slightly off-topic, yet worthy. [Meowse, Mar 31 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]
Pat Boone's metal album
So close. He's the man to lead the charge. [yppiz, Oct 04 2004]
Northern England ex-miner rap [hippo, Oct 04 2004]
|I think that this is the first idea that I've read where the whole annotation argues against posting the idea in the first place. Perhaps this could be the basis of a whole new website. Please_don't bake_it.com?
|Hey there sir, I pay off all my balances
your credit card debt rivals Jack Palance's
|Your SUV's finish is a little spotty
you make your instant while I purchase my latte
|Hold on, step back I'm not done with your vehicle
you got no surround sound and your clearance in minimal
|Your PDA is something like medieval
and I'm sorry to say your kid's reading is remedial
|I download at T1, I ain't ever late
you still connect at 28.8
|You see a therapist because you know you can't hack it
your lower tax bracket
|blahginger, represent! That's one hella phat rhyme, yo! Word to your broker!
|blahdinger, I dig that joint.
|I am aware that it's not *precisely* topical (being neither staid nor boring); but those of you who are not familiar with MC Hawking should remedy that lack immediately.
|"Creationists always try to use the second law,
to disprove evolution, but their theory has a flaw.
The second law is quite precise about where it applies,
only in a closed system must the entropy count rise.
The earth's not a closed system' it's powered by the sun,
so fuck the damn creationists, Doomsday get my gun!"
-- MC Hawking, "Entropy"
|Yeah. Repruhzent, mutha-fucka.
|So the obvious question becomes, how does the music industry come up with something nastier and more rebellious than rap? Maybe our kids will perform the ultimate rebellion against taste and decency: Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits.
|barry manilow is too tame. the next wave of music that adults won't be able to stand
(hopefully) is pop. i believe it's gone full circle. i happen to be a part of the generation
that put WWF on MTV. i don't know what to do about it, even though i know 5 or 6
karate masters who could probably take the whole pro wrestling gabal down with only
a few well placed kicks and insults about their honor but i'm sorry people, that's not
the problem we face now is that basically the rap blahginger made up is basically a
sarcastic delivery of what mainstream rap is now. all they talk about is how rich they
are. pretty soon you won't be able to start off as a rapper unless you can rap about
how rich you are.
only the rich will be able to rap.
what will rebel against this?
sorry about that.
|"For many, blue-chip-hop began with the oft-ignored, "Fear Of A Gap Planet" album, but only became widely recognised as a musical force when the board of directors at Columbia Records took the revolutionary step of bypassing their talent roster completely, and recorded "Requiem For The Forgotten Affluent", which burst into the top of the charts, thanks largely to the group's 85% ownership of the Gallup Corporation.
|"Many rival groups followed suit, and sub-genres popped up faster than the Boards could bankrupt them. From Mothers Against Nudity In Cinema and "Rap Up Warm Or You'll Catch Your Def" to the Wilmington PTA's seminal "Fund Razor", it seemed that the middle classes had finally found their voice.
|"The darkest hour came when Enron B.O.D. released their ill-advised single, "401-K (for Kenneth)", which was met with such astonishing critical and commercial vitriol that its producers came close to facing actual criminal charges. But the unpleasant incident was quickly hushed up, and the scene is now more vibrant than ever."
|Meowse: My high school chem/physics teacher used to do this. I think he did one about Niels Bohr to my name is. Ssuch a funny little man. . .he played the sitar for us when we were doing wave-physics.
|Hang on... didn't Tom Lehrer bake this one?
|Will the Real Pear-shaped Shady please stand up?
|If you hear Limp Bizkit's "Nookie" covered by Musak in an elevator and like it...you MUST be a grown-up!