Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Aesthetic improvement mask service

What the ugly people are wearing
  [vote for,

Contagious diseases like Coronavirus cause a certain amount of alarm and concern in the general population.

This can be exploited, for the general good.

It is obvious that many humans have not only fallen out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down, but also then landed face-first in the ugly heap and acquired an extra (perhaps undeserved, but there's no helping that) portion of ugly, such that when they go out in daylight the clocks stop, small birds fall from the sky, dogs howl, and the milk turns sour. Yes, [xenzag], like you.

It would be so much better if they could be persuaded to wear some sort of face covering; and in a time of concern about transmissible infections, something can be done.

For a small fee, they can be signed up to the BorgCo aesthetic mask service. Just put the name and address of the target into the website and pay a small fee. They'll receive by mail an impressive-looking package with a covering letter informing them that they have been identified through medical records as being at particular risk of contracting a potentially lethal infection, and should - when in public places - always wear one of the enclosed filter masks (a box of 50, enough for at least a month). As long as the payments continue, every month they get another box along with a warning that "you are still assessed as being at high risk".

These masks are actually non functional, just a bit of very cheap waxed tissue paper with string ear loops, but they look the real deal, and most importantly cover the greater part of the wearer's face. There are instructions in the box explaining how to wear them for "maximum effectiveness and protection" (of other people's eyesight).

Make the planet a better place - sign up someone ugly today !

8th of 7, Feb 15 2020


       //just a bit of very cheap waxed tissue paper with string ear loops// Not very different from the real ones, then.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 15 2020

       Hardly at all; that's why they're so easy to fake.   

       It would be possible to send a reuseable fabric mask with a replaceable "filter insert" which is nothing more than one of those folded mini-tissues.   

       There has to be a way of getting the victim to pay for the scam. Can you ask Sturton to look at the problem, please ?
8th of 7, Feb 15 2020

       I would, but he's tied up with Legal at the moment, over the fake shrimp business.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 15 2020

       Do all Coronaviruses have a bad name?
wjt, Feb 16 2020

       Um, [marked-for-deletion], widely known to exist?
RayfordSteele, Feb 16 2020

       // widely known to exist? //   

       If there's already a service to con ugly idiots into wearing a medically ineffectual face covering, please provide a link.
8th of 7, Feb 18 2020

       Afraid I mis-skimmed the core of the idea.   

       If I could get my wife to wear her face cream all day, would that count?
RayfordSteele, Feb 18 2020


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