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Alternative olympic fencing

At the moment its too quick and dull to watch.
  (+20, -1)(+20, -1)
(+20, -1)
  [vote for,

At present the olympic sport of fencing, in my opinion, is far too dull to watch. Yes it is fast but there is precious little erol flynesque leaping and jumping about. I have compiled the following to try and enliven the sport for on lookers.

1. Instead of the obligitory piste (long boring rectange divided by lines of importance such as the 'on garde' line, back line etc). The sportsman would have to do combat within a themed area such as a sweeping staircase or castle rampart (appropriate use of crash mats of course).The electric fencing system would have to become remote because the retractable cord may very well get tangled on objects, although this might add an interesting twist.

2. At points during a bout, opponents would gain extra points for throwing in a witty put down and or relevant hearty laughter. This can be countered by an even wittier put down. Obviously a common language will have to be laid down by olympic officials prior to the event thus language classes involving insults and retorts would have to go alongside conventional fencing lessons.

3. bungee cable. Each fencer is attached to a bungee cable instead of the conventional retractable electric cord. they both have to struggle to reach thier opponent and the ensuing battle would be far more interesting.

4. Small pitched battle.

5. large pitched battle. (battles involve incapacitating stun charge if on target hit is registered).

6. muskerpuppeteer. Each fencer has wires attached to thier body and is remote controlled, a little like robot wars. or the simple old school puppeteering method could be used but with puppets instead of people just like in team America.

Yossarian, Dec 06 2005

2012O-C http://2012OlympicCompetitor.com
The 2012O-C might well be interested... [jonthegeologist, Dec 06 2005]

Point 1. https://www.youtube...watch?v=HpTUAOYrSII
Well, at least it started as fencing... [whatrock, Sep 22 2016]


       [+] just for point 2.
DocBrown, Dec 06 2005

       What [DocBrown} said.
hidden truths, Dec 06 2005

       Can't resist I'm afraid. From 'The Princess Bride'...

Inigo Montoya: You are wonderful.
Man in Black: Thank you; I've worked hard to become so.
Inigo Montoya: I admit it, you are better than I am.
Man in Black: Then why are you smiling?
Inigo Montoya: Because I know something you don't know.
Man in Black: And what is that?
Inigo Montoya: I... am not left-handed.

[Moves his sword to his right hand and gains an advantage]

Man in Black: You are amazing.
Inigo Montoya: I ought to be, after 20 years.
Man in Black: Oh, there's something I ought to tell you.
Inigo Montoya: Tell me.
Man in Black: I'm not left-handed either.

[Moves his sword to his right hand and regains his advantage
DrBob, Dec 06 2005

theircompetitor, Dec 06 2005

       I thought maybe a competition to dispose of stolen goods the quickest, or for the greatest profits.
coprocephalous, Dec 06 2005

       Getting rid of the wires WOULD be useful. Someone comes out with another attempt at wireless every few years, but mostly they're too easy to hack.   

       As for point 2, wasn't there a computer game many years ago that had something like this? One of the Monkey Island games. You would "duel" your opponents by cursing better than them or something to that effect.
NoOneYouKnow, Dec 06 2005

       yes there was! curse of monkey island. Iwas thinking back to scaramouche when the idea came though and especially erol flynn as robin hood when he dueled with the evil sheriff of nottingham (who apparently was a very good fencer in real life).
Yosarian, Dec 06 2005

       My attempt to come up with a fencing pun has been completely foiled.   

       I like. ++
Trickytracks, Dec 06 2005

       I propose we picket all attempts to come up with fencing puns.
normzone, Dec 06 2005

       Pa've that's a great idea!
theircompetitor, Dec 06 2005

       I like the many against one idea, how about wild animals done up in fencing gear with electic gear on thier padded tallons / teeth? that way it can become a bit more gladitorial?
Yosarian, Dec 06 2005

       Ah. I thought this was going to be some idea about fencing the Alternative Olympic sportspeople in and keeping (or protecting) them from the rest of society.
DrCurry, Dec 06 2005

       I think it would be neat to just let two guys hack at each other for a while to get a medal (using safe non-cutting items, of course). Seems too froofy and formal to fence on the little pad, but that's just me.
shapu, Dec 06 2005

       I like the word 'froofy'
Yosarian, Dec 06 2005

       Why not actual fencing competitions? i.e. building fences?   

       It wouldn't be any more boring than those other events at farming expos... Sheepdog trials, woodchops, even tractor pulls lose their shine after a while.
Mr_John, Dec 07 2005

       so long as everyone is wearing the regulaion olympic gear its OK
Yosarian, Dec 07 2005

       //Why not actual fencing competitions? i.e. building fences?//
They have hedge-building competitions in Cornwall.
angel, Dec 07 2005

       Bun [+], and link.
whatrock, Sep 22 2016

       The bad guy in the link is good, but he didn't pierce Brosnan.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 22 2016

       I just about epeed myself watching that.
normzone, Sep 22 2016


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