Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Ass Facial

You're in hot water now, private.
  (+7, -8)
(+7, -8)
  [vote for,

On a recent vacation near an active volcano, I happened to utilize the water closet of a facility in the vicinity of natural hot springs.

Presumably all the water used in the plumbing of the joint originated in the geothermal font which provided the source of the selfsame tourist attraction because when I unsuspectingly seated myself upon the innocuous looking toilet, I did detect an unexpected and pleasant warmth emanating from below upon my nether regions.

By systematically, carefully, and consciously increasing the water temperature in regular toilets to approximately "hot shower" temperature, the john is converted into not merely a receptacle for evacuating one's bowels, but a vertiable sauna for your bum.

One's bottom is frequently and customarily subjected to a, shall we say, "unsavory" environment; why not treat it with a warm and hygenic steam whilst defecating?

Wet toilet wipes that can withstand the increased moisture will mustneeds be provided in the loo in lieu of conventional dry toilet paper. A dry wipe will subsequently also be necessary to prevent that uncouth "swamp ass" look.

nihilo, Jul 12 2006

face-melting http://www.amazon.c...560-7146400?ie=UTF8
[nihilo, Jul 12 2006]

face-melting http://i6.tinypic.com/1zqd82b.jpg
Facing the biological. [nihilo, Jul 12 2006]

Why doesn't wood melt? http://www.askwimbl.../question.php?id=45
[fridge duck, Jul 13 2006]


       I hope you're either a gal or you're not planning to have many children.
DrCurry, Jul 12 2006

       This product ought not to have any more effect upon a man's reproductive abilities than a standard jaunt in the jacuzzi, ["Dr"].   

       (Can I see some credentials?)
nihilo, Jul 12 2006

       I'm grossed out, but even more than that, I'm intrigued. So it's a net bun. From my buns.
pigtails_and_ponies, Jul 12 2006

       /I did detect an unexpected and pleasant warmth /   

       Geothermal or chemical origin?
egbert, Jul 12 2006

       If it were chemical, it would have been decidedly more expected and less pleasant.
nihilo, Jul 12 2006

       The words "ass" and "facial" should never be used in the same phrase or sentence in an attempt to be inviting. Mega-bone for the title alone.
MoreCowbell, Jul 12 2006

       The steam would serve as a sort of bidet.
bungston, Jul 12 2006

       // The steam would serve as a sort of bidet. //   

       Not unless there was a blast of steam and that would likely melt your ass skin as well as your sphincter. Not good. Not good.
MoreCowbell, Jul 12 2006

       I've never heard of someone's face melting off from a facial, [Cowbell]. I thought only guitar solos melted people's faces.
nihilo, Jul 12 2006

       In my experience, acid always melts people's faces off, [nihilo].

       But, unlike me, they're usually okay in the morning.
m_Al_com, Jul 12 2006

       I, or more accurately, my bottom, likes it. [+]
zen_tom, Jul 12 2006

       An office building I used to work in would flush the pipes leading to the toilets with hot water every monday morning. The first person to use a stall on monday morning would get a bit of a shock.   

       Oh, and how do you distinguish this from the "hot toilet seat recently vacated" feeling?
Galbinus_Caeli, Jul 12 2006

       ...and I'm wondering why it's called *toilet* paper and not ass paper? The toilet doesn't need the paper...   

       I'm neutral on your idea for now.
xandram, Jul 12 2006

       I don't think so, as long as everyone is courteous enough to flush (automatic flushers may prove useful). Haven't you ever broken wind in a steamy shower before? The scent quickly dissipates.
nihilo, Jul 12 2006

       To carry a bit of a pointless argument further, biological matter doesn't melt.
fridge duck, Jul 12 2006

       You're sure, [fridgy]? (link)
nihilo, Jul 12 2006

       Goodbye dingleberries! Arse pimples begone! [+]
wagster, Jul 12 2006

       //won't the effect of this be to turn the washroom area into a somewhat stinky fog swamp?//   

       everything that comes out of me smells like honeysuckle
pigtails_and_ponies, Jul 12 2006

       /normal hot baths do not have any real impact on fertility./ - [DrCurry] 26 Apr 2006   

       /I hope you're either a gal or you're not planning to have many children./ - [DrCurry] 11 Jul 2006   

       Immersion in hot water has no impact, but sitting on a warm seat does?
Texticle, Jul 12 2006

       I dunno. This just seems like voluntary swamp ass, if you'll pardon my French Canadian, and I'm not personally in favor of that.   

       Oh, and [fridge duck], do you have a link that'll explain why that is? What if the biological matter is in a vaccuum, and can't burn or anything like that??
notmarkflynn, Jul 12 2006

       I'm guessing the steam from the bowl would transfer to the seat, making a wet, pimple producing seat.   

       On the other hand, if you make the water temperature 160 or more, you'll kill all the bacteria in the bowl, keep out dogs, and make it very painful to have backsplash.
ye_river_xiv, Jul 13 2006

       I do indeed have a link - it pertains to wood, but I believe it applies to biological matter generally. Of course if someone can prove me wrong please do.
The scarring shown on burn victims is due to the way the skin heals over - not due to it actually melting.
fridge duck, Jul 13 2006

       So, thanks to sublimation, I can breath in wood, but not drink it.   

       Now I want to know what happens when the wood gas condenses...
notmarkflynn, Jul 13 2006


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