h a l f b a k e r y
The word "How?" springs to mind at this point.
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Churches gotta evolve with the times.
This one is open 24/7 and entirely automatic. You get on a moving conveyor belt and will be carried along, past loudspeakers blasting out hymns, chants and scriptures. Along the way, at the appropriate time, a robotic arm shoves some edible paper into what the
computer computes to be your mouth and another dribbles some weakly fermented grape juice on your face.
A microphone gets thrust in your face and then you can confess your sins. Your voice gets analysed for pitch and a higher emotional level, if recognized, will require a correspondingly larger number of penances to be undertaken - this will get displayed on a large backlit LCD screen.
At the end, you drop your offerings in a slot and get off to the tune of the musical rendering of the benediction.
That idea has the (human) priests on a conveyor belt. [neelandan, Dec 04 2008]
In the first half of the film a wedding is conducted by Robo-Priests in assembly-line fashion. Also features Robo-Security Guards. No conveyor belt though, sadly. [DrBob, Dec 05 2008]
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||Erm, I like the robot sacraments, but other than the robo-bishop, isn't this kind of almost exactly the same as another recent (conveyor belt based) idea?
||The automation does seem a bit harsher in this take - Could we try padding the robotic arms with something a little softer - I prefer my religion a bit more comfy thanks.
||This was inspired by that <link>. However, this is for the solitary churchgoer who wants church at the odd hour and day, and cringes at the thought of mingling with fellow humans, yet wants some religion.
||Aha! A coin operated religiomat, you could open one up next to the launderette.
||With a baptism dunk-tank, like they have for applying primer on car-production lines [+]
||Sounds like a design proposal for VaticanDisney ...