Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Aural perfumes

  (+8, -1)
(+8, -1)
  [vote for,

I do not wear perfume, scent or aftershave. Nobody has yet complained.


I believe these products are very popular. Their main purpose (other than masking some gross personal problem) seems to be to create a subtle mood or subliminal impression, be it of freshness, sultriness, seabreeziness or aged spice. Some people, it would seem, even wish to create the impression of dead whales or civets.

Why, I hear you ask, should these mood-or-impression-creating artifices be confined to the nasal domain?

Exactly what those cunning artificers at MaxFaktor were wondering!!

MaxFaktor, therefore, is diluted to be unveiling its range of Aural Perfume jewellery.

Each exquisite item, injection moulded with care and love from the finest 18K Goldette or Sterling Similar, is an attractive piece of jewellery such as a brooch, an anklet, or a nose-stud.

To the casual observer in a busy street, this is all it is.


When you find yourself sitting next to an Aural Perfume wearer during a quiet moment, you will hear - just at the threshold of audibility - the distant crash of waves on a tropical beach, the buzz of bees on patch of clover, the soothing whisper of wind through the trees, or sound of fresh-mown hay. If the person sitting next to you happens to be in a particularly masculine or daredevilish mood, perhaps your ears will be tickled by the quiet murmer of distant gunfire or the merry song of far-off chainsaws.

These near-subliminal ambiences are produced by the tiny speaker, circuit and button-cell built into each Aural Perfume.

The possiblilities are as unlimitless as your moods.

MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 07 2010

Halfbakery: Aural Perfume (2000) Aural_20Perfume
[jutta, Sep 08 2010]


DrWorm, Sep 07 2010

       I like it.   

       Two challenges: Getting rich, polyphonic and low frequencies out of the tiny speakers, and making an aural 'aura' (rather than the sound coming from a point source).   

       You could probably overcome both of these challenges by using a large number of the speakers placed all over the body. And rather than using jewellery (and risk looking like "37 pieces of flair"), the speakers could be embedded in flexible patches that are stuck to the inside surface of clothing.
xaviergisz, Sep 08 2010

       phew! - I misread the title as "Anal Perfumes"
hippo, Sep 08 2010

MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 08 2010

       Love it - and I belive I can just make out the sound of a thousand ambient croissants either rising in the oven, or being ever-so-gently, ever-so-moistly squished to test for freshness [+] - Although, I do wonder whether some people's urge to out-bling one another might result in hacked versions operating at significantly *above* ambient level - and before you know it, all manner of grumpy teenagers will be walking about surrounded by the ambient, but indentity-expressing sounds of roadworks, static, and the heartwrenching sound of baby seals being clubbed to death.
zen_tom, Sep 08 2010

       You have a point, oh zennish one.   

       On the other hand, pre-escalation, there might be a new trend for pubs, nightclubs, dicotheques, hops and other venues for young people to become quieter and quieter so that people can hear each other's aural perfumes. With luck, we might wind up with completely anechoic places, where everyone spoke in whispers.   

       It might even see the death of muzak.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 08 2010

       // death of muzak //   

       Bun. [+]
8th of 7, Sep 08 2010

       Oh bugger. How did I miss Jutta's link before? I am overcome with dumth. I am happy to delete if it is The Will of The People.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 08 2010

       [+] though I'm not as optimistic as 8/7 with "death of muzak".
FlyingToaster, Sep 08 2010

       A buzzing sound from below, almost inaudible...
Voice, Oct 03 2010


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