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Automatic Chaperone Device

Makes teens keep their hands to them selves in public
  (+2, -3)
(+2, -3)
  [vote for,

Problem you have a teenager that can't keep his/her hands off their boy/girl friend in public. You can't take your eye off of them for a second even at church, the company picnic, ect. What can you do? Spend every second watching them? Use a squirt gun to break them up?

This is what the ACES (Automatic Chaperone Electric Shock) system was created for. It consist of two locking electric shock bands, one for each teen. The bands have a shock unit as well as an RF transmitter and receiver. The bands transmit an ultra low power RF ID signal through the body of the wearer. The signal is to weak to be detected by the other band unless there is direct physical contact between the two teens. When the band detects the other bands signal it immediately activates the shock unit and 30 seconds later an audible alarm. The deluxe model comes with a remote control that can send shock commands to either unit or disable the bands for a specified time period.

I want you to know I'm suggesting this not because I'm being a jerk but as a result of real life experience where my boss who's a minister seeing my nephew feeling up his girl friend at the church picnic. Oh what fun that was!

I expect I'll be fish boned on this one anyway

duroncrush, Jul 22 2011

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       Orwellian application of a principal which many consider cruel in the context of dog training.   

       Perhaps one is, in fact, being a jerk. [-]
Twizz, Jul 22 2011

       Gratuitous cruelty. [+]
8th of 7, Jul 22 2011

       Can you articulate, to your nephew, a better reason for self-restraint than avoiding embarrassment to you, his uncle?   

       If you can, then this will work at two levels:
First, there is the small chance of actual communication occurring.
Second, if his sexuality is discussed frankly and with relentless cheerfulness by someone as uncool* as his uncle, it'll put him right off it for years.

       It's a win-win. Just don't stammer or blush.   

       *Don't worry - we're all uncool here. There's a check on the door.
pertinax, Jul 22 2011

       This Idea can't work without the cooperation of parents of BOTH of the teenagers. You should have said something about that. You DO know, don't you, that you can't put this device on a not-your-own-child?
Vernon, Jul 22 2011

       Why not ?
8th of 7, Jul 22 2011

       insufferable prude.....
WcW, Jul 22 2011

       Has your little darlin' been certified/confirmed/whatever as an adult member in that church ? If so then it's not your problem, is it; perhaps the head shaman should have a word with his minion about idle gossip.   

       Other than that, what [8th] said [+]
FlyingToaster, Jul 22 2011

       I know that this is an unbakeable idea. It's just a thought I had in passing. I wasn't embarrassed, I was pissed off. He knows better but he's not thinking with the right head!
duroncrush, Jul 22 2011

       I don't see anything wrong with proactive social engineering, and I never have. And neither has organized religion, for that matter. This is the electronic equivalent of a wooden ruler, for an age when kids are more brazen, if no less horny.   

       Granted, my kids won't ever wear them, but then again, I'm a heathen and plan to raise my children as such, so there you have it.
Alterother, Jul 22 2011

       Have you considered the simpler method of hollering, across the crowd "Hey! Timmy! Could you quit feeling Susie up before somebody notices?" That would probably do it.   



       [This space is reserved for a Catholic Priest joke as soon as I find time.]
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 22 2011

       (this space is reserved for a response to a priest joke)
normzone, Jul 23 2011

       (This space is reserved for a comment twisting the joke into something different.)
Voice, Jul 23 2011

       //insufferable prude.....//   

       You say that as if it were a bad thing, [WcW].
pertinax, Jul 24 2011

       Where are your nephew's parents? Manners are manners, regardless of the specific behavior involved.
nomocrow, Jul 25 2011

       // Where are your nephew's parents //   

       Making out in the woodlands, not far away. That sort of thing is genetic.   

       (This space reserved for an ice-cream concession, next to [bigsleep]'s hot-dog stand)   

       (This space reserved for sub-letting to a late-arriving vendor offering alcohol, blankets, prophylactics and "instructional pamphlets" in plain brown-paper wrappers.)
8th of 7, Jul 25 2011


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