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Children's Cattle Grid

Prioritising adult traffic...
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Every parent knows that even with modern surveillance equipment, you can't keep an eye on children all the time.

I propose the following solution - a child 'cattle grid'. This system is designed for crawling infants only. Older children are currently penned in using child gates, but quickly understand how to open or climb over them. Even electrification only offers temporary relief.

This system would be easy to install requiring basic equipment, such as a regular child safely gate, a welding torch and a hammer. The gates could be fashioned so as to fit horizontally across doorways, and would also offer convenient access points for central-heating pipes and electrical wires.

I see these systems being installed at business locations, trapping wandering Zimmer-Frames at nursing homes and preventing drunken(i.e. paralytic drivers) from reaching the car park.

The only problem is the system being 'clogged' with infants e.g. at a busy nursery. This would require a 'pick-up and return' mechanism such as those found in Bowling Alleys...

riposte, Mar 27 2001

Clever Sheep http://www.ucl.ac.u...long/questions.html
As found in Yorkshire... [riposte, Mar 27 2001, last modified Oct 21 2004]

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       Indeed, however some sheep have learnt to roll across cattle-grids. Sadly, once one of them does it then they all do it, just like, errm, sheep...
riposte, Mar 27 2001
  

       What about a system like shops have to stop clothing being stolen? A bleeper attached to the child, with detectors placed at convenient points. Kid (or old folk) wanders, beeper goes off, kid gets found. Boy, I'm good.
Marvo, Mar 27 2001
  

       Why not just put kids in Pet Carriers like they use for transport on airlines and to veterinarians. You can even stack 'em up. I figure you can get a couple of hundred babies into a room where there was only room for a dozen tops. Toss some food and a bottle-what the heck-make it two- in there, couple of rattles/teething rings, close the door to the sound proof room, you're all set.
thumbwax, Mar 28 2001
  

       Heh, while we're at it, herding babies like cattle and everything, why erect a complex system of fences and gates. We can train dogs to wander around the room of kids, barking at and biting those that try to wander to far. This would also work well when it's time to take the kids to the bathroom together or maybe out for a walk. Just whistle at the dogs and let them herd them out with their snouts like animals.
smizzou, Jun 10 2001
  

       Kids are too smart for cattle grids, but how about a fake chasm? Even babies recognize heights and fear to fall, so embed a holographic image of an elevator shaft beneath a transparent section of flooring. Child toddles to the edge, looks down, and backs off. (Until child tosses a toy into the "hole" and notices that it doesn't fall...)
Dog Ed, Jun 10 2001
  

       Why not tie them to a fixed object?
angel, Jun 11 2001
  

       Or just put them in a barrel and feed them though the bunghole? It's the traditional suggestion. Doesn't result in a very well adjusted next generation, though.
wiml, Jun 11 2001
  

       swaddling clothes original and best
grove, Aug 10 2002
  

       Marvo, I'm thining about something like those electronic locks that stop supermarket trolly wheels turning when you try to go outside the zone. kids could be fitted with leg braces, where the joints lock up if they stray out of range. And i dont think those sheep cooperate, I think one trips over & the rest take advantage.
pfperry, Aug 10 2002
  
      
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