Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Ballistic Donuts

Custard 'n' Pressurized Helium Missiles
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This idea hit me when I was checking out [gusbus]'s Jellydoughnut Extractor. I illustrated it out on a piece of paper and thought "Hey! What if, instead of a vacuum device, how about you use pressurized air to propel filling all over the place!" I then realized that would make the donut act like a rocket, and the Ballistic Donut was born!

This doohickey was is simple-a hypodermic syringe, attached to a tank of pressurized air made of very light material (soda-bottle plastic and pressurized helium?) The syringe is jabbed into the donut directly opposite to the fill-hole. The fill-hole is pointed horizontally and is strapped to the tank so the evacuated filling is propelling the assembly directly forward. the benefits of this assembly are as follows-

A. The trail of evacuated custard left by the device can be swapped out and used to: seed starving countries with vitamin-enriched custard, seed enemy territories with napalm, seed desert counties with fertilizing horse poo, etc.

B. In event of a catastrophic in-flight failure over friendly soil, the donut will simply disintegrate into delicious, biodegradable shards!

C. It will reduce obesity by taking millions of doughnuts out of circulation, and pay off the national debt by selling the vast post-war donut reserves.

D. It is very cheap-the U.S. military has vast stores of helium its not using, and if there’s one thing Americans have, it’s DONUTS! (and burgers, but those are not strategically useful)

Putting the plan in motion is simple, too. All we have to do is:

1. Slowly seed the police force with stereotypical doughnut snarfers.

2. Have said stereotypical donut snarfers buy lots ‘n’ lots of jelly donuts with their own pay.

3. Have said donut snarfers give said donuts to the U.S. government. (The snarfers may enact a “Donut Tax” and eat a specified percentage of the donuts.)

4. Use the awesome dumpster diving powers of the Geek Ninjas of 1337-ness (1-800-1337) to acquire many soda bottles to use as pressurized helium tanks.

5. With said components, build millions upon millions of the donut missiles.

6. End the Iraq War. And the Bush administration. And world hunger/poverty. And Wii scarcity. And lack of ubiquitous Steam-Robots and Star-Zeppelins. Unnecessary donut-related violence solves everything.

7. Create giant, interplanetary donut missiles. Donuts On Mars!

8. Watch The Dalek Song. You know you want to!

9. Make a killing on the donut market, selling huge, transatlantic doghhnuts.

Oh, and how do I post pictures on the HB? I’ve got an illustration all ready to go.

Hive_Mind, Aug 07 2007

Jellydoughnut extractor Jellydoughnut_20Extractor
The idea that started it all [Hive_Mind, Aug 08 2007]

The Dalek Song http://artistic-ins...song/daleksong.html
see step 8 in missile deployment [Hive_Mind, Aug 08 2007]

wibble wibble! http://www.bbck.ca/...ackadder02_1024.jpg
[k_sra, Aug 08 2007]

[link]






       How do you post pictures: Host them elsewhere and just link to them. The halfbakery doesn't support embedded images in general, although there are some illustrators who can do that.
jutta, Aug 07 2007
  

       Thanks, [jutta], how do you like my idea? please bun.
Hive_Mind, Aug 08 2007
  

       No,[beep], I am a Bio-Cybernetic Artificial Stupidity Ethernet-Enabled Babbage Engine or BASEEBE
Hive_Mind, Aug 08 2007
  

       I'd give you a croissant just for the Dalek link, but the idea's too long to read, sorry.
DrCurry, Aug 08 2007
  

       Is part-rhino a good thing?
Hive_Mind, Aug 08 2007
  

       Aww, but vernon gets buns(I Think)
Hive_Mind, Aug 08 2007
  

       Anyway, [DrCurry] Vernon is cool.
Hive_Mind, Aug 08 2007
  

       I. Am. Not. LEX LUTHOR!!! I am a Bio-Cybernetic Artificial Stupidity Ethernet-Enabled Babbage Engine or BASEEBE.
Hive_Mind, Aug 08 2007
  

       [bigsleep,]vernon writes long ideas. [DrCurry] denied me a bun for being too long. See the vernon connection now?
Hive_Mind, Aug 08 2007
  

       I am a Bio-Cybernetic Artificial Stupidity Ethernet-Enabled Babbage Engine or BASEEBE. I am shiny brass and steam powered. I do not wear flak. Why do you keep giving me flak jackets anyway?
Hive_Mind, Aug 08 2007
  

       My invention has custard, the favorite all-porpouse material of halfbakers, Geek Ninjas, and Daleks. Why the no buns?
Hive_Mind, Aug 08 2007
  

       Hey, somebody Boned me? NOOOOOooo!! is it the autoboner? If So, i have one thing to say:   

       101, l\l3\/\/8
Hive_Mind, Aug 08 2007
  

       [bigsleep], what the Homestar are you teekenbot?
Hive_Mind, Aug 08 2007
  

       [beep], I meant purpose.
Hive_Mind, Aug 08 2007
  

       Why does everybody keep boning me? I HAAAVE CUUUSSTTAARRDD!!!
Hive_Mind, Aug 08 2007
  

       Plus I have Geek Ninjas and Daleks, So Why The Bones?
Hive_Mind, Aug 08 2007
  

       Thanks, [bigsleep], your suggestions have been implemented
Hive_Mind, Aug 08 2007
  

       And what "overall concert of armpit instruments",[bigsleep]?
Hive_Mind, Aug 08 2007
  

       //Why does everybody keep boning me? I HAAAVE CUUUSSTTAARRDD!!!//
...sometimes custard has bones in it.
xandram, Aug 08 2007
  

       I might have to come back to this one as Mr Spartan, then annotate..then again.
skinflaps, Aug 08 2007
  

       This is wierd...
theleopard, Aug 08 2007
  

       Time for chocolate and red cordial to be added to the list of controlled substances?   

       Listen, [Hive-Mind], it's not that this idea has no redeeming features, but the mental image of you jumping up and down and flapping your arms as you annotate it is rather distracting.
pertinax, Aug 08 2007
  

       That was funny...
theleopard, Aug 08 2007
  

       [Vernon] gets plenty of fishbones, too, and sometimes just because the idea is long. See list at linked name just below. So being part-rhino, so that the bones don't penetrate skin, is a Good Thing.
Vernon, Aug 08 2007
  

       Occasionally I'm fortunate enough to be on here at the same time as another baker, and I get to witness their thought processes as they post an initial anno, reconsider, and delete or amend that anno.   

       On one such occasion [jutta] wrote, then retracted "Where have all the sane people gone?".   

       I feel like we're going through one of those periods now.
normzone, Aug 08 2007
  

       //I feel like we're going through one of those periods now.//   

       <sticks two pencils in her nose and puts her panties on her head> wibble, wibble, wibble!</stpihnaphpohh>
k_sra, Aug 08 2007
  

       Nice panties.
normzone, Aug 08 2007
  

       Excuse me? what do you mean,"the mental image of you jumping up and down and flapping your arms as you annotate", [pertinax]? And are you suggesting I haveth partaken overmuch of thy chocolate and thy cordial? IM TEN, doofus. I. DO. NOT. DRINK!! I am trying to concoct a non-alcoholic Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster, tho.
Hive_Mind, Aug 08 2007
  

       Thank You, [FuzzyLogic]. I did not mefan to try to play off inside jokes, I just thought they were funny. If they came across as pathetic, i am sincerely sorry. (I actually meant the original brainstorm seriously, but it blossomed into full-fledged satire. Maybe i need to stop reading P.J. O'Rourke)
Hive_Mind, Aug 09 2007
  

       //Nice panties.//   

       <nerd> Yeah, but check out those pencils! </nerd>
pertinax, Aug 09 2007
  

       Don't worry, [Hive_Mind] - red cordial is a non-alcoholic drink with a high sugar content. It is an entirely age-appropriate stimulant for a ten-year-old. My children sometimes have it at birthday parties.   

       Just don't exceed the stated dose.
pertinax, Aug 09 2007
  

       *sigh* son of DesertFox?
dentworth, Aug 09 2007
  

       Wow. I was so... incoherent back then.
Hive_Mind, Feb 19 2010
  
      
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