Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Batteries on timers...

Still Going...
  [vote for,

Because nothing outlasts the most obnoxious toy under the tree, at least not my patience, these batteries shut off mysteriously between designated hours.
RayfordSteele, Dec 23 2017

Kong Wubba https://www.kongcom...ubba/wubba-classic/
"Dogs love to squeak the Wubba and shake the flapping tails back and forth." ... Proceed to Hell. Proceed directly to Hell. Do not pass Purgatory, Do not collect two hundred Temazepam. [8th of 7, Dec 23 2017]


       Nothing is quite the same as the unobtrusive glee that comes from gifting an unpleasantly noisy toy to the revolting offspring of some detested relative by marriage, along with two 50-packs of long-life alkaline cells, ensuring frayed nerves, rows, bad temper and insomnia well beyond Twelfth Night, so no. [-].
8th of 7, Dec 23 2017

       <hastily checks whether ShiTzu Squeaky Toys 'R Us can still deliver in time for Christmas>
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 23 2017

       That sort of thing could drive those of a moderately sensetive disposition to suicide.   

       Excellent, most satisfactory.   

       // ShiTzu Squeaky Toys 'R Us can still deliver in time for Christmas //   

       Thou floggest a deceased equine, M'Lud.   

       There is a device, maliciously invented by some evil goblin, called the Kong Wubba.   

       If you lack familiarity with this horrendous device, think of it as a tiny set of bagpipes uniquely adapted for the entertainment of small fluffy dogs.   

       No batteries are required; nothing more than carefully modulated jaw pressure, resulting in a remarkable range of supremely irritating sounds.   

       Strangely, these sounds appear to be highly satisfactory to said small fluffy dogs, since they clearly understand the suffering that they are gratuitously inflicting.   

8th of 7, Dec 23 2017

       //Thou floggest a deceased equine// What I get up to in my spare time is very much my own business. However, I do note that you have only referred to the toy in the singular.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 23 2017

       They take it in turns. They're very polite about it.   

       Little swines, they are. It's the way they so carefully judge the silences, waiting until the very moment of dropping off to sleep, and then suddenly SqueekaSqueeka ... Squeeeeek ... Eek ... Ik ... SQUEEKASQUEEKASQUEEKA SQUEEKASQUEEKASqueekaSqueekIk ... .Ikeek .. THUD THUD THUD THUD SQUEEKASQUEEKASQUEEKATHUDSquik ... Ik ... Ik .... THUMP SQUEEKA Ek ...
8th of 7, Dec 23 2017

       Must be very annoying, having it only in mono.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 23 2017

       When I was a kid we always got the dog a squeaky toy for Christmas.   

       We knew perfectly well that we'd only have about half an hour of demented squeaking before she ripped the thing to confetti.
Wrongfellow, Dec 23 2017

       Just to clarify, did the squeaking emanate from the toy, or the dog ?   

       // only in mono. //   

       Quite frankly, it ruins the whole effect.
8th of 7, Dec 23 2017


       An interesting choice of word.
Wrongfellow, Dec 23 2017

       Actually, if you put about 6 lithium cells into a ShiTzu, it'll run for about 4-6 hours and then stop.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 24 2017

       I saw a dog at the zoo, the other day....
Ling, Dec 24 2017

       Was it an interesting zoo, or a lousy one?
RayfordSteele, Dec 24 2017

       // if you put about 6 lithium cells into a ShiTzu, it'll run for about 4-6 hours and then stop //   

       Fascinating. It's obviously time to move the trial on to First In Man, although if the ethics committee object it may be necessary to have an intermediate phase using one of the lower primates, such as - just as an example - molecular biologists.
8th of 7, Dec 24 2017


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