h a l f b a k e r y
The embarrassing drunkard uncle of invention.
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The process of Build-a-Boulder begins
with selection of a suitable specimen
the comprehensive digital catalogue.
Boulders are available in just about any
shape, size and colour. Choose from
smooth and rounded to lumpy and
scarred. Pick your colours as well to
with existing decor, or blend in
Your order arrives as a kit that enables
you to faithfully construct your boulder
the exact location of choice. Some may
want a boulder in one corner of their
garden, whilst for others it will be in the
middle of a living or work space. The kit
contains everything you need to
the assembly. There is an armature, a
number of rods and a series of curved
sections of rock-like material.
You begin your task by fitting together
central armature which will act as the
The numbered rods are then screwed
securely into the armature. Radiating
outwards, these form a series of spikes,
each terminating in a fixing point. These
points hold in place the outside skin of
boulder which is assembled like a jig-
Each piece is orientated according to the
instructions indicated in a 3D diagram,
and glued to the supports with epoxy.
edges of the segments fit to the adjacent
pieces precisely, but leave a shallow
groove for grouting when the boulder is
One of the upper segments has a hole in
its surface, into which cement can be
poured, and afterwards plugged, when
boulder has been completed. This
that your boulder becomes very heavy
virtually immobile. Prior to filling, it is
possible to tumble it about as part of a
game you might play or for the purposes
of careful positioning according to a feng
Having fully completed and installed your
Build-a-Boulder, you can begin to fully
enjoy its benefits.
You may look with awe at its unyielding
dominating your tiny bedsit.
can sit on it. You can squeeze yourself
between it and the wall. You can hug it.
You can drill holes in it and hang cups
from them. You can varnish it. You can
even attach a cable to it, plug it in and
pretend that it is a new electrical
appliance. Build-a-Boulder has many
delights to share with you.
stop press... now also available in
Meteorite and undersea versions.
Baconbrain with Olmec (in Sandstone)
Baconbrain tests his new remote controlled Olmec boulder before installing it in his kitchen [xenzag, Feb 14 2007]
(?) Erratic stone
perfect for rubbing your feet against, but might block the TV [xenzag, Feb 14 2007]
now fully baked and not even a word of credit! [xenzag, Dec 19 2014, last modified Dec 20 2014]
thank you for constructing the idea I had nearly ten years ago [xenzag, Apr 01 2016]
||Can I get one that's been carved into a giant Olmec head?
||the cement should be poured into a lower segment otherwise its top heavy and potentially dangerous.
||[po] When you pour in the cement it fills
the entire inner space, converting the
boulder from being a hollow container
to that of a solid. It therefore needs to
go in at the top.
||[baconbrain] - the Olmec Head is part
of the special Rocks With Personality
series. Would you like it in flaky flint, or
streaky basalt, and will you be planning
to sit inside it, as we can adjust the
internal armature to make room for
you, and leave the eyes open for you to
||I'd like my entire house populated with strategically placed boulders. Please rush me your extended catalogue!
||Also, I'd quite like to commission a cave.
||I like this idea apart from the mention of epoxy. It offends
||It's not that I don't like epoxy resin. I just feel that a more
appropriate adhesive, like grout or mortar should be used
||Thank you Loris. Epoxy and dovetails can be friends.
||I may even return to postings, even though I am still much angered by "being in the company" of several here who think it's ok to steal the parking places reserved for disabled drivers (you know who you are - aresholes) I kept the idea that attracted their fishbones and selfish nasty comments as a record for future reference. Still annoyed about this.
||"Relax, it's Christmas"...said the angelic voice overhead.
||See last link - as another of my ideas is realised and I can add the results to my portfolio of work.