Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Is there something different about your living room ?
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The process of Build-a-Boulder begins with selection of a suitable specimen from the comprehensive digital catalogue.

Boulders are available in just about any shape, size and colour. Choose from smooth and rounded to lumpy and scarred. Pick your colours as well to either contrast with existing decor, or blend in harmoniously.

Your order arrives as a kit that enables you to faithfully construct your boulder in the exact location of choice. Some may want a boulder in one corner of their garden, whilst for others it will be in the middle of a living or work space. The kit contains everything you need to complete the assembly. There is an armature, a number of rods and a series of curved sections of rock-like material.

You begin your task by fitting together the central armature which will act as the core. The numbered rods are then screwed securely into the armature. Radiating outwards, these form a series of spikes, each terminating in a fixing point. These points hold in place the outside skin of the boulder which is assembled like a jig- saw puzzle.

Each piece is orientated according to the instructions indicated in a 3D diagram, and glued to the supports with epoxy. The edges of the segments fit to the adjacent pieces precisely, but leave a shallow groove for grouting when the boulder is complete.

One of the upper segments has a hole in its surface, into which cement can be poured, and afterwards plugged, when the boulder has been completed. This ensures that your boulder becomes very heavy and virtually immobile. Prior to filling, it is possible to tumble it about as part of a game you might play or for the purposes of careful positioning according to a feng shui consultation.

Having fully completed and installed your Build-a-Boulder, you can begin to fully enjoy its benefits.

You may look with awe at its unyielding bulk dominating your tiny bedsit. You can sit on it. You can squeeze yourself between it and the wall. You can hug it. You can drill holes in it and hang cups from them. You can varnish it. You can even attach a cable to it, plug it in and pretend that it is a new electrical appliance. Build-a-Boulder has many delights to share with you.

stop press... now also available in Meteorite and undersea versions.

xenzag, Feb 14 2007

Baconbrain with Olmec (in Sandstone) http://images.googl...mages&ct=image&cd=2
Baconbrain tests his new remote controlled Olmec boulder before installing it in his kitchen [xenzag, Feb 14 2007]

(?) Erratic stone http://images.googl...26rls%3Den%26sa%3DN
perfect for rubbing your feet against, but might block the TV [xenzag, Feb 14 2007]

Build-a-Boulder http://architectsco...swiss-mountainside/
now fully baked and not even a word of credit! [xenzag, Dec 19 2014, last modified Dec 20 2014]

http://www.a-bureau.com/ANTOINE.html thank you for constructing the idea I had nearly ten years ago [xenzag, Apr 01 2016]


       Can I get one that's been carved into a giant Olmec head?
baconbrain, Feb 14 2007

       the cement should be poured into a lower segment otherwise its top heavy and potentially dangerous.
po, Feb 14 2007

       [po] When you pour in the cement it fills the entire inner space, converting the boulder from being a hollow container to that of a solid. It therefore needs to go in at the top.   

       [baconbrain] - the Olmec Head is part of the special Rocks With Personality series. Would you like it in flaky flint, or streaky basalt, and will you be planning to sit inside it, as we can adjust the internal armature to make room for you, and leave the eyes open for you to peer out?
xenzag, Feb 14 2007

       I'd like my entire house populated with strategically placed boulders. Please rush me your extended catalogue!   

       Also, I'd quite like to commission a cave.
zen_tom, Feb 14 2007

       see last link
xenzag, Dec 19 2014

       I like this idea apart from the mention of epoxy. It offends my principles.   

       It's not that I don't like epoxy resin. I just feel that a more appropriate adhesive, like grout or mortar should be used throughout.
Loris, Dec 20 2014

       Thank you Loris. Epoxy and dovetails can be friends.   

       I may even return to postings, even though I am still much angered by "being in the company" of several here who think it's ok to steal the parking places reserved for disabled drivers (you know who you are - aresholes) I kept the idea that attracted their fishbones and selfish nasty comments as a record for future reference. Still annoyed about this.
xenzag, Dec 20 2014

       "Relax, it's Christmas"...said the angelic voice overhead.
blissmiss, Dec 20 2014

       See last link - as another of my ideas is realised and I can add the results to my portfolio of work.
xenzag, Apr 01 2016

pertinax, Apr 02 2016


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