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Celebrity Sperm Racing

Use that motility!
  (+13, -2)(+13, -2)
(+13, -2)
  [vote for,

Sperm motility is a good thing when it comes to fertilizing the egg. But what about those sperm not destined to fertilize? Can't they get a chance to show off their motility?

Celebrity sperm racing collects samples from noted athletes and other celebrities and pits them against sperm from average joes. The TV picure of the racing lanes would show microscopic views of each contenders sperm racing towards a chemically simulated egg (similar to the greyhounds chasing the bunny). Witty commentators and on screen appearances of the average joes (and maybe some celebrities!) would round out this up-and-coming sport.

Parimutuel betting available.

bungston, Mar 07 2007

Sperm war Spermwar
I was not inspired by this bizarro idea, but found it on my search. Sperm racing would really work! [bungston, Mar 07 2007]

Chemoattraction http://humrep.oxfor...t/abstract/20/3/761
My cursory search discovered mostly scholarly articles. A representative one is linked above. Sperm have been looking for eggs for a long time, long before vaginas or organsms. The basic principles are similar for humans and sea urchins. [bungston, Mar 12 2007]

Celebrity sperm... http://zazie.no.sap...m%20not%20going.jpg
...kamikaze sperm [normzone, Mar 12 2007]


       Let me get this straight, there's a little embryo on a track around the edge of a petri dish being chased by sperm that are followed by a microscope mounted video camera? Of course they are all dye stained so they can be identified in the heat of the action. Do we get to see them in the locker room first, being pumped up for the event?   

       [-] One of the few things less interesting than celebrities is their sperm (or embryos).
nuclear hobo, Mar 07 2007

       Wrong on so many levels.   

       I wouldn't trust zeno's idea as reference material (no offense zeno, it's just terribly different from what I learned in sex ed.) and I don't know that bait would be necessary.   

       I'm also a little frightened about what the female celebrities would do with this sort of information. Britney spears, for example, seems destined to spend the rest of her life getting pregnant as often as possible, which thankfully keeps her from making any new records, but all the same...
ye_river_xiv, Mar 07 2007

       Non taken [ye_river_xiv] what I said was true none the less.. please google extensively .   

       Sorry [bungston], sperm racing would not work. The spermatozoids do not race to the egg and the fastest does not win. Rather sperm is brought as close as possible to the egg by means of ejaculation as deep as possible in the vagina ( by the way if the female also orgasms at this time it will help the sperm get closer to the egg, which makes me wonder why so many females have difficulty reaching orgasm from repeated penetration alone, and did you know the female hippo ( I can not spell rinocerous) is the only female animal known to man (and woman) that has an orgasm, with the possible exception of the bonobo, but I digress) and when sperm ( a gooy substance containing many many spermatozoids) gets in contact with the egg, it is the egg that sort of shoots out a line to a spermatozoid and reels it in.   

       In a drop of sperm the little tadpoles just swim around trying to find enemy sperm. They have no other destination. They cannot swim to the egg or anything else outside the confines of the goo they are in. And they do not compete in any way with tadpoles from the same male.   

       My bun though for thinking along the same lines.
zeno, Mar 09 2007

       I don't know *any* famous sperm.
theleopard, Mar 09 2007

       //I don't know *any* famous sperm.// Lucky you.
nuclear hobo, Mar 09 2007

       / do not race to the egg / But they do move. So this would be a sort of Brownian motion race, or like those baby puppy "races" where they meander around doing puppy things and whichever is the most hyper has the best chance of accidentally crossing the finish line.
bungston, Mar 09 2007

       ....and the winner mates all ! (sorry) - have this cheesy croissant to make up for that one.
xenzag, Mar 09 2007

       [zeno] where did you get all that from? Far be it from me to question your annotation, but I am pretty sure you are talking bollocks.   

       For one thing, sperm most definitely do chemotax towards the egg and, all other things being equal, the first one there has a better chance of fertilizing the egg (certainly the last one there is wasting his time).   

       And, by the way, the gooey substance that contains many spermatozoa (or sperm cells) is semen, not sperm.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 09 2007

       Ok I will try a search and get back to you asap on that info.
zeno, Mar 09 2007

       /I am pretty sure you are talking bollocks/   

       Shouldn't that be "you are a talking bollock"?
bungston, Mar 10 2007

       Can't we just leave Sandra out of this?   

       Something like this was done on an episode of Jackass. 1 part [-] for unoriginality and the other 9 parts [-] for it being a horrible idea!
quantum_flux, Mar 10 2007

       Swim little sperm, swim! [+]   

       One question: how are we going to attach numbers to them?
(Oh silly me, actually, that's really easy - we'll do it on the computer)
moomintroll, Mar 10 2007

       Ok so I am searching and searching and can find nothing at all to even vaguely match my earlier claims. Years ago I saw a scientific television program, a serious documentary about breakthrough study of human breeding. And now I can not find anything about it. I still believe the source though. Anyone care to help search? Or is there an expert halfbaker?
zeno, Mar 12 2007

       I permanantly restricted all my swimmers to the starting line, and proud of it, thank you. Can't help you with this one.
normzone, Mar 12 2007

       // Or is there an expert halfbaker?// Try starting with Wikipedia, but there are lots of descriptions available online of the human fertilisation process. There is also information available in the real world...
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 12 2007

       Yes yes, I did all that but it doesn't confirm what I said. Best I could do was one line in an article about kamikaze sperm. Stating the theory of kamikaze sperm is controversial. I like typing the words kamikaze sperm. It has a nice ring to it, kamikaze sperm.
zeno, Mar 12 2007

       //Swim little sperm, swim!// - they really know how to swim because they're all semen. You can kill me if you want - it was worth it.
xenzag, Mar 12 2007

       I am not EVEN gonna Google "Celebrity Sperm" no way, no how, not me.
blissmiss, Mar 12 2007

       //Yes yes, I did all that but it doesn't confirm what I said.// I rest my case.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 12 2007


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