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Cellphone destruction bag

A real time-saver
  (+6, -1)
(+6, -1)
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Engineers at BorgCo are finalising the production version of the new Cellphone Destruction Bag.

The bag has an anonymous, undistinguished exterior, because all the clever stuff is inside. The bag is lined with rows of sharp-edged tungsten carbide spikes, tipped with diamond flakes - rather like an inside-out sea urchin. In the base of the bag is a tray, loaded with carborundum dust embedded with microcapsules of strong acids and alkali solutions, and powerful organic solvents.

An EHT generator powered by a rechargeable lithium battery pack generates random 500kV arc discharges between the internal spike tips.

There are also half a dozen small steel balls, filled with lead, and covered in serrated tungsten-carbide spikes, like outside-out sea urchins.

Pouches along the upper part of the bag intermittently dispense talcum powder, fluff, bent paperclips, chewing gum, pellets of lipstick, and squares of chocolate.

The multi-mode attack results in a handset with a scratched and cracked touchscreen, buttons ripped off, case cracked and distorted, connection ports contaminated and unusable, corroded terminals, and clogged microphone and speaker.

The BorgCo bag is capable of putting a typical mobile handset verifiably beyond use nearly 8%* faster than a woman's normal handbag ! Get yours today ! This offer is not available in the shops !

BorgCo - the name to rust in advanced technology.

* Random statistically-significant sample of handbags and handsets from different manufacturers.

8th of 7, Apr 24 2015

[link]






       When I handed back my mobile phone to Docomo about 4 years ago they had something like one of those lever-type can-crushers on the , but with a big spike, and the the lass punched many holes through the more vital bits...it was like acupuncture for mobile phones, but the patient never makes it through the operation. It all means something.
not_morrison_rm, Apr 24 2015
  

       //a big spike, and the the lass punched many holes through the more vital bits//   

       Was it something you'd said, do you think?
pertinax, Apr 27 2015
  

       Still no match for my toddlers.
RayfordSteele, Apr 27 2015
  

       What's wrong with a sledge hammer?
pocmloc, Apr 27 2015
  

       [8th], based on recent posts it would seem likely that you have recently discovered Women. First contact with an alien civilisation is a tricky business. I would recommend a prolonged period of observation before intervening.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 27 2015
  

       Fascinating (and worrying) to discover a planet inhabited by two very related but entirely different species, particularly when it appears that the smaller and less intelligent ones exert some sort of mysterious and malign iinfluence over the big, smart ones ....
8th of 7, Apr 28 2015
  

       I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to sit here and watch.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 28 2015
  

       I've never understood bigoted trekkies. Not saying you are one [8], as perhaps your comments are more trolly or run-of-the-mill keyboard rants. Given that one of ST's main themes is acceptance of the other, and with so many social firsts in ST:TOS (and Roddenberry's vision exceeded what we got to see), it's downright unsettling/sad/strange to run into fans like this. Meh, just another day on the Internet. Anyhoo, I wish you all the best with woman kind and perhaps even child kind one day.
the porpoise, Apr 28 2015
  

       // trolly or run-of-the-mill keyboard rants //   

       ... or maybe some days it's fun just to shake the tree and see what falls out. Q is definitely on to something there.
8th of 7, Apr 28 2015
  

       So trolling then. Right. Glad I don't have to feel pity for some kind of social disability. I hope what you shook from my tree gave you some satisfaction. I found it useful to clarify some latent thoughts, but don't take that as encouragement to troll.
the porpoise, Apr 28 2015
  

       <Looks up the definition of "humor". Looks up the definition of "bigoted". Looks up the definition of "moralist". Looks up the definition of "irony". Looks up.>
LimpNotes, Apr 28 2015
  

       //Fascinating (and worrying) to discover a planet inhabited by two very related but entirely different species, particularly when it appears that the smaller and less intelligent ones exert some sort of mysterious and malign iinfluence over the big, smart ones ....// - 8/7   

       //I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to sit here and watch.//- MaxB   

       //...bigoted...//   

       You know he's talking about cats, right?
Loris, Apr 29 2015
  

       I once, no make that twice in the same night, drove over someone's cell phone and it just kept on working. Finally I drove down the street and threw it in the bushes. Hell hath no fury, etc. I won't say who's phone it was, but yes, it was his.
blissmiss, Apr 29 2015
  

       Ouch.   

       {Climbs back up tree}
pertinax, Apr 30 2015
  

       <realize I'm not clever enough to understand all the humor, subtlety, and cliquey onion layers of irony in these annos, shrugs, and decides to continue to speak plainly about what's on my mind>
the porpoise, Apr 30 2015
  

       //exert some sort of mysterious and malign iinfluence//   

       Did you notice that the borg got so excited writing that, his typing started to stammer?
I imagine him patting his fingertips together like Mr Burns : "Eeexcellent".
Loris, Apr 30 2015
  

       "Man is stronger by far than woman, yet only woman can create a child. Does that seem right to you?"   

       ~Jubal Early~
21 Quest, Apr 30 2015
  

       My bad, [the porpoise]; I was aiming for entertainment, not exclusion - but missed.   

       Come inside, have a cup of tea, and we'll you issue with Exclusive Insiders' Clique membership number 0x17a5ff03.
pertinax, May 03 2015
  

       It's not an exclusive club if you let just anyone join ...   

       // twice in the same night, drove over someone's cell phone and it just kept on working. Finally I drove down the street and threw it in the bushes. //   

       <makes note never to provoke [bliss]>
8th of 7, May 04 2015
  

       //decides to continue to speak plainly about what's on my mind//
Fair enough. My anno had three layers. One, to outline my thinking process, "Looks up" being a reference to your anno about [8th]'s anno.

Two, I was accusing you of being a hypocrite, by virtue of being a moralist, which very closely matches a bigot, "Looks up" being me rolling my eyes.

Three, I was realizing that by regulating you, I too was taking on the role of moralist/bigot, "Looks up" being the movement of my eyes as I enter deeper thinking on my own behavior.

"Irony" being included in each step and the intended communication (strongly obfuscated) being "It's all fun and games until someone decides to get offended."
LimpNotes, May 04 2015
  
      
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