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Charity Mugger British Bulldogs

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A technique, to be adopted en masse by massed shoppers on advent high streets, whereby said shoppers can minimise the risk of being accosted by forcedly enthusiastic twentysomethings hell-bent on making a living wage by denuding your bank details for the purposes of direct monthly bank payments to whatever charity has employed their services this Saturday. The technique is modeled, with some tweaks, upon the classic and now-banned UK schoolyard game of British Bulldogs, in which a hapless Last Pick is made to stand in the middle of said yard while the remainder of the players (who usually number in the plenty) charge past screaming "British Bulldog!", "Charge!" or, indeed, "Waaarrrrrgghggh!", depending on levels of frenzy, the Last Pick having to stop one of the charging party making it across the playground, thereby bringing this usually rugby tackled unfortunate onto his Side, whereupon the charging recommences.

I am not proposing that every charging shopper successfully accosted by a Charity Mugger should throw of his or her current occupation and become a CM, rather I am suggesting that a collectivist Pictish battlecharge approach (complete with flailing shopping bags) will improve CM-bypass success rates by rendering impossible their current one-at-a-time sniper technique. It will also create (a) interesting foot traffic patterns in pedestrianised areas and (b) periods of "High Noon"-style tension in otherwise drudgetastic shopping trips.

School uniform optional.

calum, Nov 19 2008

British Bulldogs http://en.wikipedia...ish_Bulldogs_(game)
Predictably repackaged by colonialists. [calum, Nov 19 2008]


       Of course, there's nothing to stop the CMs themselves forming Kabaddi style chains as a response to the new approach by pedestrians, which is, perhaps, a flaw. Hm. Maybe this isn't such a great idea after all.
calum, Nov 19 2008

       could this technique also be used on those guys who attempt to make you sign up to a new energy provider?
po, Nov 19 2008

       Don't see why not.
calum, Nov 19 2008

       A crowd of pedestrians could agree beforehand that one of their number would be sacrificed to the CMs "for the greater good", while they rush past as an impenetrable phalanx. Ideally the sacrificial pedestrian would be the one person there without a debit card ("Oooh, I'm really sorry, I'd love to help...").
hippo, Nov 20 2008

       The CMs on Victoria Street outnumber the shoppers :-(   

Mony a Mickle, Nov 20 2008

       Why noy adopt a discursive position whereby you chat to the CMs? They've got to sign people up - they can't do that when they're being filibustered by one person!
Jinbish, Nov 20 2008

       I once saw five CMs surrounding one hapless civilian, who apparently had engrossed them all in conversation in order for passers by to continue their journeys unhindered by a cloud of guilt. "Good man," I thought to myself. "Taking one for the team."   

       As I got closer it turned out to be their manager.   

       Oh how perceptions twist and turn; for one who was once my hero, within steps became my gravest enemy.
theleopard, Nov 20 2008

       [MaM] I too battle daily with the Chuggers on Victoria St.
hippo, Nov 20 2008

       //I once saw five CMs surrounding one hapless civilian//   

Jinbish, Nov 20 2008

       Hmmm. Not sure about this one calum old chap. Whilst being a rabid fan and one-time expert practioner of British Bulldog (a long time and many belt sizes ago), the idea of sudden mad surges in the already frenzied crowd that seems to compose the weekend shopping mass does rather send a shiver down my spine. Whilst the idea conjures up warm and comforting mental images of the Pamplona Bull Run, the cattle stampede in 'Zulu' and the 'charity collectors' scene from 'Airplane', my gut feeling is that this is likely to make my own shopping experience even more miserable and unendurable than it already is.

As someone with little or no conscience whatsoever, I have no trouble avoiding charity collectors and view them as nature's way of weeding out the weak consumers from those of us whom Charles Darwin might have described (but probably wouldn't have, upon reflection) as 'fit to shop'.
DrBob, Nov 20 2008


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