h a l f b a k e r yThis is what happens when one confuses "random" with "profound."
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Gods are Gods because they are so far above us mortals in every way as to be beyond reach. We can build roads, planes, boats, trains, buildings etc, but we can’t construct planets, never mind entire galaxies. Those who believe in Gods pray that the awful diseases that these Gods have created will not
inflict them; that the bullet coming for their head will end some other poor sap’s life instead. It’s all God’s work. (if you’re a believer)
I have zero belief in any God. They’re all too perfect for me, while at the same time of creating everything, they decided it was somehow a good idea to bring into existence horrible diseases; floods; wars; destructive meteorites, not forgetting the crap pop music of people like Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran. These perfect Gods created nothing but imperfection, so I now propose a set of imperfect Gods that actually go someway towards matching their imperfect creations.
Let’s begin with the Hindus because they have the most Gods of any religion.
We can start with Brahma who has 4 heads and 4 arms. He’s going to manage perfectly well with 3 heads and 3 arms and have to do a lot of negotiating as to who controls what.
Shiva is next, who’s third eye will need to wear a monocle to see properly from now on.
Ganesha will just have to cope with that elephant trunk having a knot tied in it.
Krishna will be playing a rusty flute with a cork stuck in the end of it.
Moving on to other religions - The Virgin Mary (she says) is definitely no longer a virgin. In fact she now sports a moustache and is showing clear signs of a gender shift.
Yahweh (Jewish God) is fed up collecting foreskins and has now decided he only wants detailed replicas of famous bridges built from toe nails (you’ll have to ask Him why?)
Allah now finds his beard turning pink at the edges and requires frequent applications of black dye.
As for the Greek Gods, which are as numerous and diverse as the Hindu versions, there's Poseiden, who must now swim with an inflated water wing and of course Zeus, can no longer cause severe stormy weather and must be content with making occassional squally showers. The Medusa's serpents are reduced to mere grass snakes and the once terrifying Cerberus now only has the two heads of tiny wimpering Chihuahuas.
There are literally hundreds of Gods “out there” and all of them have now been lessened to varying degrees in an effort to meet us mere mortals “half-way”. Other suggestions of how to lessen the Gods are invited and welcome.
The God who created Aids
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EOrUY5jjNO0
Ricky is a bit of a god himself of course [xenzag, Sep 01 2025]
Vjaybombs
https://www.instagr...TBhMXZ0MDI1dW1wYw==
work of another minor god [xenzag, Sep 02 2025]
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Annotation:
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As to weakening and becoming less relevant all gods are doing a pretty good job on their own. If you need a reminder you don't need to come to hb. You could look out a window or something. There's a lot of lessening out there. |
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Noticed you left one religion out of your taunting. |
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No - All are included. "There are literally hundreds of Gods “out there” and all of them have now been lessened to varying degrees" |
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I don't wanna get you in trouble so I'll let you cower on that one. You don't live in America where the first amendment protects the citizen's right to criticize all religions so you're wise to know what you are and aren't allowed to say. |
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But now that that's out in the open, can you please drop the "Look at me! I'm a rebel! Teeheehee!" routine now that the real you has been exposed? |
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I have no idea what you are talking about, but if you want to keep venting your usual humourless poison, feel free. It says more about you than me (your obsession). |
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//I have no idea what you are talking about// |
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That’s a lie, you know exactly what I’m talking about. |
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But I’m gonna let you play dumb, like I said, don’t wanna get you in trouble. |
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I more astounded at how big I am in your life, than trying to figure out what you mean. My dad used to tell me that you can catch mackerel with bits of silver paper in the water.... do you have any memory of being a fish in a former life? (if you believe in reincarnation) Hahahaha |
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You're not actually laughing, that's a lie too. |
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If you actually had some love in your life instead of being driven by endless hate you wouldn't be so obsessed with insulting massive groups of people starting flame wars here to get some human interaction, something you've openly admitted to doing in the past. |
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For instance, what does your significant other, your life mate, the love of your life, say about your Trump / America obsession? |
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That's what I thought. Hate is easy, finding love takes some work and it requires being capable of giving love. There's nothing weak about being a kind loving person, it actually takes a great deal of strength. |
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But believe me, it's worth it. An existence motivated only by cult driven hate is a waste. You only get one pass at this thing called life, might want to put your limited time here into something other than obsessive hate, be it against all religions with one very notable exception, or a particular country, or most absurdly, a realty TV show personality. |
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See what I mean? Just the mention of god, gods, God, or G-d is enough to squeeze the humor out of anything these days. Sheesh. |
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I'm an athiest, but don't like the idea of jabbing people who might depend on their beliefs to get through life. Would you make fun of a child who lost a parent and was comforted by the vision of them up in heaven watching over them? |
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Actually, you probably would. |
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Seem to remember xenzag mourning the Queen of England's passing. I don't have any living leader who I blindly follow, but would I dig at him in his time of anguish?
As an American I don't need to mention my views on monarchy, but jeesh, let people be. |
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And again, notice how one particular religion is left out of the mockery game? Real brave. |
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I never knew I could have such an overpowering effect on anyone. I feel a bit god like myself now. hahahaha |
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Godlike is one word. A real god would probably know how to spell. A god also probably wouldn't need to lie and say he's laughing when he's not. |
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I never think about you, I don't know if anybody does. I only respond when you try to turn this place into the Hatebakery. |
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And to think that I only respond to YOU when you try to politicize and troll this site is truly delusional. |
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However it's interesting that we now know you think Trump is a god since he's got such an "overpowering effect" on you, being that he's all you ever think about. |
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I just realised I didn't outline any of the Greek Gods, so will now edit in a few as they (like the Hindu Gods) are so peculiar and numerous, they demand some detail. [just ignore my inevitable fan-mackerel - stroke his head - he's noisy like static, but totally harmless] |
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Larry Niven's fire driven Yangin Atep still lives on in the engines of cars - every time somebody prays their car will start he gets a little love. |
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William Gibson's use of the voodoo pantheon makes those local, down to earth, get things done gods more accessible to his reader base. |
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And Christopher Moore has a WWII pilot cargo cult god in Island Of The Sequined Love Nun. |
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All these small gods live on - it's my belief that gods are akin to political candidates - they exist as long as somebody believes in them, and have power in accordance with the number of theirs believers. |
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Don't get me started on Olokun, my spearfishing go-to guy. |
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Noticed you didn't make fun of Allah. Probably wise. |
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Did you even bother to read the whole idea? Thought not. |
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//didn't make fun of Allah// |
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Yes, he did. Come on [dr3], take a breath. |
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I'm not going goad him into specifically mentioning that particular god so I'm fine dropping the subject. |
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//Allah now finds his beard turning pink at the edges and requires frequent applications of black dye.// - fourth paragraph, along with Yahweh and the Virgin Mary. |
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If so I missed it but I hope he doesn't get in trouble. He doesn't live in America where you can say such things. |
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//Was that added later?// No. You just didn't bother reading the whole idea as you were in too much of a stampede to start trolling me again, as you always do. |
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How come you didn’t just repeat it? |
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Don’t. I’d let that one go. |
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Well, you could have the basic humility to simply admit you were wrong. |
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I am wrong occasionally, how about you? Shall I list some times you were wrong to see how humble you can be in admitting some human fallibility yourself? |
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Flavoured erasers for nervous chewers; mint for essays, chili for math homework. |
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Toasted News: prints headlines onto your breakfast bread |
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//I am wrong occasionally//How about just admitting you were wrong now, and then you can move on with your lesson learned? I was going to suggest a penance, but I'll save it for a future time and place. hahahaha |
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A pen that dissolves after 1,000 words, making every note feel like a spy mission. |
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//How about just admitting you were wrong now// |
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I'll match you. Have you ever been wrong on this site? I can assist if you'd like. For instance, without going back and only using posts currently up like the one regarding "Alligator Alcatraz", you said "There have already been deaths" (there). There have not. You can verify that yourself. |
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I'll do the honorable thing and invite you to do the same. |
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