Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Bath without getting clean
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The pleasure of bathing is often spoilt by the prospect of getting clean and all the responsibilities that brings. Here are several methods which allow one to enjoy one's bath without the risk of cleanliness:

Barrier method: a latex suit which prevents your body from coming into contact with the water. Alternatively, a rubber bowl which can be placed in the water to prevent you from getting wet.

Interbalneous device: A frame placed permanently in the bath which allows one to enjoy it, but just as one gets out, spurts large amounts of mud into the water.

Rhythm method: Run the bath, then get into it without looking, hoping there is no water in it. Not very reliable, but approved by the Catholic Church.

The Pill: Medication causing one to sweat profusely at all times, thereby ensuring one can bath as often as one likes without staying clean.

The Billings method: Looking in the bath to check it has no water in it before getting in.

Withdrawal method: Get out of the bath quickly just as one feels the urge to wash.

I'm unclear on the usage of "bath" and "bathe" by the way.

nineteenthly, Jan 03 2008


       //The pleasure of bathing is often spoilt by the prospect of getting clean and all the responsibilities that brings//
Reminds me of a quote I heard from the Master of one of the Oxbridge colleges in the 19th century.
Asked why he opposed the fitting of bathrooms to college halls, he replied that there was little point because "the young gentlemen were only up for eight weeks at a time".
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Jan 03 2008

       :-) Actually, that would still have been a good point at Leicester Uni in the mid-'eighties, as i recall.
nineteenthly, Jan 03 2008

       This is baked in one sense as a water massager. These are machines I have seen in a mall where you lay in a waterbed like lower half and then they close a top clamshell which has a loose plastic sheet in it to encase everything except your head, and then hose you down without getting you wet. So in a sense, it is a dry shower. If the guy before you is sweaty, you may come out dirtier than you went in.
MisterQED, Jan 03 2008

       You forgot:   

       The "Bathing After" pill - medication you take only after bathing that initiates a safe, healthy cleanliness removal procedure, which is very much like getting dirty the way you always do every month   

       The "Bath Abortion" - When you get out and don't find out you are clean until the following month, you can just go roll around in the mud.
globaltourniquet, Jan 03 2008

       I'm just happy to see that the social problem of teen cleanliness is being openly discussed.   

       That said, it is important to use the correct terms for clarity: "bathe" is a verb, and "bath" is a noun.   

       So, "Bathe without getting clean" and "one can bathe as often as...".
globaltourniquet, Jan 03 2008

       Thanks. I thought it was a transitive/intransitive thing, so you can bathe someone else or part of your body but only bath yourself.
nineteenthly, Jan 03 2008

       Nope. You can bathe yourself too. It's just simply verb vs. noun.   

       I bathe, he bathes, you bathe me, she bathes her daughter. Everyone is taking a bath.
globaltourniquet, Jan 04 2008

       Right. Thanks for clearing that up.   

       Is it impossible to get clean after the age of about fifty-five?
nineteenthly, Jan 04 2008

       Note that bathe does not imply the use of a bath.
vincevincevince, Jan 04 2008

       Well that would be baltantly self-ablusive.
nineteenthly, Jan 04 2008

       [nineteenthly], I can confess that it was still a good point at Leicester Uni in the noughties. Filthy, filthy Digby Hall.
theleopard, Jan 04 2008

       I'm sure it was better than Beaumont. The floors in Beaumont are made of cork but Digby's are tiled, aren't they?
nineteenthly, Jan 04 2008

       I was actually in Stamford which had concrete floors and looked like a prison. We just hated Digby. And seemingly for no apparent reason, as far as I can remember.   

       Ah, this is like a half-alumni!
theleopard, Jan 04 2008

       Amazing! The thing is, because the floors are cork, they used to use a polish which irritated my throat the whole time, so i moved to Freeman's.   

       We really shouldn't be doing this here.
nineteenthly, Jan 04 2008

       Alright, give the xenophobic stereotypes a rest, ya bloody convict.
theleopard, Jan 05 2008

       We say the same thing about the French.   

       During my first year, i didn't bathe much at all because i was depressed and missing my non-girlfriend from home. During the rest of my time, i had a bath every single day because i was trying to resolve the non-girlfriend situation. Not washing worked really well as a contraceptive.
nineteenthly, Jan 05 2008


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