Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Crisp Lanes

have crips, will travel
  [vote for,

Pedestrian lanes are not a completely new idea, but in the case of Crisp Lanes there is one main distinguishing feature: the only people who are permitted to use these lanes are those who are eating from a packet of crisps.

This ensures while they stride forward, they can be confident that in their two way lane, they won't physically encounter anyone else who's not eating from a bag of crisps. We know there are few things worse than bumping into someone while eating crisps. It simply can't happen in the Crisp Lane.

Special undercover crisp agents police the lanes and are quick to drag away any non-crisp eating violators. Frequent lane observation cameras add to the vigilance.

In bigger cities several other lanes run parallel to the Crisp Lane, such as the Bible Lane for those carrying a Bible. In other places this would be the lane of their particular dominant religion of choice.

New specialised lanes are being added all the time, such as "The Cream Lane", where only those porting under one arm a copy of the "Disraeli Gears" or "Wheels On Fire" albums may travel. I can envisage myself in this particular lane.

xenzag, Aug 30 2021

Tayto Cheese and Onion https://www.amazon....eland/dp/B00QVOGFQM
of course people who care don't buy anything from Amazon [xenzag, Aug 30 2021]

Don’t Walk https://www.youtube...watch?v=osCq1_EbbO8
[Frankx, Sep 02 2021]


       [+] And a lane for the blind, and for people staring at their cellphone screens. The walk/don’t walk signs would have to provide audible announcements for both.   

       Crossing signals in many cities DO talk. First place I noticed those was in Portland Oregon. Ever since, I’ve wanted to have a recording (“Walk sign is on to cross Hawthorne Boulevard”) and play it to trick the unwary, getting them to step into oncoming traffic.   

       When I talk about doing that to blind people, folks tell me it’s a sick joke. When I suggest spoofing someone staring at their phone though, they think it’s hilarious.
a1, Aug 30 2021

They beep & sometimes vibrate here. When they are "inactive", they beep (quieter than when active) sequentially "around" the intersection.
//..sick joke... hilarious.//
It's about choice (or lack there-of). People don't choose to be blind, but they do choose to attempt to walk while staring at their phone.
neutrinos_shadow, Aug 30 2021

       “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.”   

       -Mel Brooks
a1, Aug 30 2021

       + i’d like to be in the Cream lane also.
xandram, Aug 30 2021

       The Ultra lane is for Cream album carriers who also eat Tayto Cheese and Onion crisps and believe that Neptune is a fake planet made from egg boxes. I'm in this lane. All welcome to join me.
xenzag, Aug 30 2021

       Good God [xen] you don't buy that Southern Tayto shite do you?
pocmloc, Aug 30 2021

       When in Rome eat Romans
xenzag, Aug 30 2021

       Yes but there are limits.
pocmloc, Aug 30 2021

       I never eat the heals. The birds like them too much.
xenzag, Aug 30 2021

       [a1] //audible announcements//   

       Blade Runner, 2019 Los Angeles   

       *don’t walk, don’t walk*   

Frankx, Sep 02 2021


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