h a l f b a k e r yPoint of hors d'oevre
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Cube Golf is a normal game of golf apart from one small difference: the golf ball has been replaced with one that is exactly the same weight, size, and composed of the same dimpled material, but is now a perfect cube shape. (Note I've already posted Eggolf featuring an egg shaped ball)
Putting
requires a totally new technique, as the cube will tumble along in an unpredictable manner towards the slightly larger square (of course) hole.
The face I'd make while mocking golf claps.
https://www.pintere...958140889489739193/
[doctorremulac3, Aug 06 2025]
Or I'd just clap along.
https://www.youtube...watch?v=E6boHCSOcC8
[doctorremulac3, Aug 06 2025]
Or like this only slower.
https://tenor.com/v...-joker-gif-12856749
[doctorremulac3, Aug 06 2025]
[link]
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Flight behavior will become radically inconsistent as well. |
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Do we really need a hole and a flag for a game with this cuball? Do we need all the walking? All that grass? If I’m going to play with a cuball I want a better game! |
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If in a regulation game of golf, I’m imagining the raucous celebration for the “Hole-in-133.” |
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There are an infinite number of ways of making golf, already a sort of ultra moronic game, become even more moronic. Keep them coming. Grenade Golf should definitely be developed, but the rather benign Cube Golf will suffice for now. |
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Why not a tetrahedral ball? |
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Reinvented wheels are often square, sometimes even triangular. |
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//Why not a tetrahedral ball? // |
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Because then, in place of the customary alternation of hooks and slices, you would have a uniform sequence of slices - *unless* the "ball" were ingeniously weighted to land pointy-bit down. |
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No one likes Cube Golf but that's ok. Not being liked by golfers is quite a compliment as far as I'm concerned. |
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xenzag, I think you've missed a trick- |
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Make the cuball into a die. (That is, a singular dice.)
Then which club you need to hit it with can be determined by why side is face-up. |
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All variations to stupefy golf to an even greater degree are welcome. It's a target rich environment. Does Chicken Suit Golf exist? This is where the players have to play the entire game dressed up as chickens. |
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What's wrong with golf, as a sport? Do you dislike that it isn't very active? Should old people not have something to do? Do you hate croquet with equal vigor? |
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I dislike most sports but golf is particularly loathesome. Croquet I can tolerate. Sniper Golf would be a good game... as the golfers navigated the course wearing protective clothing, hidden snipers would simultaneously try to shoot them with long range paint guns. Land Mine Golf is also under consideration with golfers having to sweep for mines as they played. |
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It 'is' a game for only the wealthy. I mean anyone can play it... but nowadays can everyone pay it? |
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The origin of golf was a good time for common folk. Some Scotch in a bladder, a whittled stick and a rock, some whack/shite and you were good to go. Now it's all about status and the expense of your gear. |
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Shame that. I bet I'd be good at it given some practice. |
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I get that’s the image it has but the cost of a golf game around my area is about the price of going to a movie once you buy popcorn. If you get a drink and a hotdog at the movie the golf game would probably be cheaper. You can get a used set of clubs at a second hand store for maybe a hundred bucks. That's what I did. |
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It's a fun day in the sun, walking around and just being with friends / family and getting some fresh air. It's the only game where you chat the whole time and I've always thought it was kind of an excuse to just socialize with people in your life. You could say "Hey, let's go sit in the park and talk." but that would be like "Why, what's wrong? Are you dying?" Lots of working class people do it suprisingly. |
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Of course there's also clubs that charge $25,000 for an initiation fee that I assume features some kind of sacrificial butt play in dark caverns under the clubhouse but I've only done the cheaper courses where they don’t do the Satanic butt rituals thing. As far as I know anyway. |
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It's pretty common to forget traumatic events... |
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Are Satanic butt sacrifice rituals traumatic? I’d check but not sure I want that in my search history. |
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Gun golf: players carry bean-bag guns and are permitted three shots per hole at the opponent's ball, only if it's still in the air. |
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Golf is terrible. There are many problems with it but the main one is the gap - the chasm - between how interesting golfers consider any given golfing experience or feat of golfing prowess and how interesting that experience or feat is. Those experiences and feats are mind bogglingly dull. Golf neuters each golfer's theory of mind, leaving them rabbiting or droning on about the single most boring thing in the universe. No, the act of knocking a ball into a hole can't be made enthralling or dangerous or exciting: there is no risk or danger, the only thing at stake is the physical location of a ball. |
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So what we need to do is create a golf ball which is exactly like a normal golf balls except for two respects: first, it will shatter after a specified number of hits (so the ball shattering threshold can be matched with the par of the hole); and second, it will contain a large number of paraponera clavata, freed upon the occurrence of a bogey. Golf will be played barefoot. |
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//There are many problems with it but the main one is the gap - the chasm - between how interesting golfers consider any given golfing experience or feat of golfing prowess and how interesting that experience or feat is. Those experiences and feats are mind bogglingly dull.// |
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I don't think there is any hobby or sport which is interesting to outsiders.
Okay, that's tautological, but I think the message from that is that it's not worth criticising pastimes you find uninteresting on that basis alone. |
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That said, variants which may interest other people can still be valuable. |
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Forced to play golf at business events, I adapted: my golf bag contained the usual left-handed clubs and multi-coloured balls plus pool cue, la crosse, and hockey stick. I experienced being watched by officials very closely for sudden immolation or explosion. Would've habbily* used a cuboid golf ball had one been available [+] |
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*portmanteau of 'happily' and 'HalfBakery-ily' |
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Well calum, golf is fun to play occasionally but I don't watch or think about it myself. |
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Kind of like hugging or smiling. Is it a waste of time and an affront to the dignity of the majestic struggle of the intellectual against the lowly commoner and his so called "pastimes"? Probably, just never really thought about it. |
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How about a variation where people gather around and hate on the people who watch golf? The seats would be arranged around the audience at a golf game and the spectator spectators would point and laugh at those stupid shirts they wear, mock those little golf claps etc. |
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I might actually join one of those. (After a relaxing game of golf with friends.) |
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//I don't think there is any hobby or sport which is interesting to outsiders... it's not worth criticising pastimes you find uninteresting on that basis alone//
There are two strands to my thesis on why Golf Is Terrible:
(1) In golf, there are so few variables that the game is an abstraction, the ball moves towards the hole, time passes, the ball is in the hole. Victory lies in reducing the number of movements made between tee and hole. Your competitor has the same struggle but they cannot interfere with your progress. Golf is in the category of games which are actually solo pastimes. The purity of golf, it's asceticism it what draws adherents. The stylite monk is moving towards enlightenment. The golfer is moving a ball towards a hole. The stylite monk, if approached, will talk of enlightenment - the end point of their journey. The golfer will talk of the journey.
(2) Because of this purity and abstraction, if you golf, golf is *massively* absorbing. It exerts a force on the mind of the golfer which is so strong that it can obliterate that golfer's own ability to see their interlocutor as having a different view of golf. This is not just nerdly enthusiasm trumping social awareness, I am firmly (64% is firmly where I come from) of the opinion that this impact of the game is pathological. I should commission a study. |
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I cannot think of any other sport where the danger and struggle is stripped away to the same extent. The variables are pared back to how wet and windy it is. Darts comes close, maybe: it's a repetitious and abstracted, weather even removed from the calculus, a purely psychological battle but that is itself livened up with a splash of mental arithmetic. Golf is the sporting equivalent of a gap year: a fascinating experience for the participant, necessarily boring for the person hearing about it. |
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Sorry C, I get bored hearing people talk about golf. Got through the first couple of sentences and my mind started wondering. |
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You tried your best, that's the main thing. |
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Thank you sir. I do like the idea of a golf audience audience though. I'd participate in that. I'd mock their golf claps while making that sarcasm face. (link) |
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