Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Custard-filled child safe Bangalore Torpedo

For UnaBubba
  [vote for,

At this time of year, many small chidren are vexed by the problem of unwanted adults. These adults usually take the form of an impenetrable mass of legs, situated between where the child is, and their objective (Christmas tree, presents, buffet meal, hated sibling).

Make it a happy christmas for your little ones - give them a Bangalore Torpedo. Similar to the famous obstacle-clearing system used against minefields, the Child Safe Bangalore Torpedo consists of a series of soft foam tubes, each about 50mm in diameter and half a metre long. The tubes are stuffed with custard, and have a sponge plug at each end to stop it dribbling out.

Faced with the problem of clearing a path, the diminutive pioneer simply slots the sections together and pushes them along the floor in the desired direction. When enough segments have been assembled, a giant party popper is attached to the near end and the string pulled firmly. There is a huge slurping noise, and everone and everything in the vicinity of the Torpedo is deluged with warm custard.

As the digusted adults disperse in all directions in search of towels, paper tissues, dry cleaners and in extreme cases shovels, the custard-coated but unharmed child can make its way unhampered to its objective.

8th of 7, Dec 18 2002

I assume you don't mean this? http://www.geocitie...leswap/csp_bgtr.htm
[krelnik, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

The Bangalore Torpedo http://www.firstwor...angaloretorpedo.htm
Still in use today. [8th of 7, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

(?) A picture of a Bangalore Torpedo http://www.uxocoe.b...ngalore-torpedo.jpg
[my face your, Oct 04 2004]


       For those without your encyclopaedic knowledge of explosive devices, 8th, could you add a nice link explaining what a bangalore torpedo is? Thanks.
krelnik, Dec 18 2002

       My pleasure .....
8th of 7, Dec 18 2002

       This can only lead to the increased proliferation of custard-based weaponry. I approve. (+)
Pharaoh Mobius, Dec 18 2002

       Yeah, but a cat could crawl through and carelessly puncture the skin, leading to premature explosion. Do you have a suggestion for an anti-cat device?
PeterSilly, Dec 18 2002

       slaps silly silly then relents and proffers sugar lump...
po, Dec 18 2002

       Sugar lump accepted, but dropped and dissolved in all the custard that's lying around. Cats, eh.
PeterSilly, Dec 19 2002

       Wouldn't a Jell-ignite detonator be more efficient?
egbert, Dec 19 2002

       what kind of custard?   

       Hm...just how many custard-filled children do you have?
DrCurry, Dec 20 2002

       I realize this is a way-too-practical suggestion on a silly idea, but what the heck...   

       It seems to me once a child uses this once, the parental unit will enact a severe penalty. How about a different payload that is less likely to evoke parental anger?   

       I'm thinking compressed air.
krelnik, Dec 20 2002

       /the parental unit will enact a severe penalty/   

       Too bloody right I would. I'd impose dessert sanctions, for a start, (dessert warfare?) and then I'd want a full inventory of all confectionery weaponry, and carry out unannounced spot checks on the toy cupboard with the usual no-presents-for-you penalties imposed if I find anything not on the inventory or if I decide I'm just not going to believe a word of it anyway.
egbert, Dec 21 2002

       I'd like to wade into the fray with a donut cannon. Dessert warfare has just got to be the best kind.
madradish, Dec 21 2002

       Oops, sorry - thought this was a bang galore - carry on
thumbwax, Mar 14 2003


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