Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Custom Condom Machine

Adult Vending Machine
  [vote for,

Discrete vending machine allows users to enter personal measurements pertaining to ideal prophylactic dimensions. Said product is fabricated internally, robotically, tested and packaged before your eyes
evilpenguin, Dec 15 2010

Combine it with this one Garter_20condoms
[normzone, Dec 15 2010]

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       And for those who don't have the numbers memorised or noted down, there should be a little measuring space that you could use to allow the machine to automatically scan and measure the item in question.   

       In fact, like automated made-to-measure tailoring, the process could be linked to the manufacturer to give you perfect fit condoms!
pocmloc, Dec 15 2010

       I think this is an idea where if you take any one of the title words out it works, otherwise not.   

       But seriously: give it a hole, make it glorious. A system for having fresh disinfectant wrap for each insertion. Then laser the thing once assumption of positioning has occured, and with IR or some fishfinders or some shit you can get the exact shape. +
daseva, Dec 15 2010

       Shrinkwrap... though you'd probably want to call it something else.
FlyingToaster, Dec 15 2010

       //But seriously: give it a hole, make it glorious//   

       Something contradictory in "But seriously" for me here. If you aren't careful, certain customers will be paying just to get sized. I'd make very sure the thing doesn't vibrate whilst taking measurements.
Boomershine, Dec 15 2010

       what would be the problem with that [boomershine]?
Voice, Dec 15 2010

       Will there be a femidom version as well? Perhaps mounted on the other side of the partition wall.
pocmloc, Dec 16 2010

       There's always hot wax dip...
RayfordSteele, Dec 16 2010

       <Bogart>"We'll always have hot wax dip"</Bogart>
mouseposture, Dec 17 2010

       //what would be the problem with that [boomershine]?//   

       Nothing, if you are one of those customers. You might spend a l o n g time getting 'sized' and only buy one condom. Where's the money in that?
Boomershine, Dec 17 2010

       This wasn't supposed to be that dirty an idea people.... including any kind of measuring apparatus would SEVERELY limit possible machine operating locations.   

       Not to mention that if the machine with sizer becomes popular people may become confused and place their penis and balls into innocent coinstars and redboxes
evilpenguin, Dec 17 2010

       the sizer is just a horrible notion because in addition the man would need to be completely, fully, bout to penetrate erect and if a machine does that for you why would you be buying condoms?
evilpenguin, Dec 17 2010

       //But seriously: give it a hole, make it glorious.//   

       An urban legend would quickly spring up of the vending company mechanic who'd installed a guillotine device.
ldischler, Dec 17 2010

       //This wasn't supposed to be that dirty an idea people//   

       Maybe, but *who* threw the bunny IN the lion's cage? Hmm?
Boomershine, Dec 17 2010

       Latex dip...
Ling, Dec 17 2010


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