Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Dating Assist

Useless on dates? Help is at hand - no, at ear.
  (+3, -6)
(+3, -6)
  [vote for,

A discrete flesh-toned headset sits behind your ear. It has a forward facing camera and a microphone, and a tiny in-ear speaker, and is connected live to the Dating Assist Control Centre, staffed by expert advisors.

On your date (which has been organised for you by a paid dating agent, see link), you sit down opposite the future partner of your dreams.

“Hello, how are you”, they say

You panic, not knowing what to say or do. But, blessed relief, the voice in your ear says calmly, “Smile. Say, ‘Can I get you a drink?’”

“Can I get you a drink”, you ask.

“Sure, why not?”, they reply.


The voice interjects: “Relax. Look casual. Ask them what they’d like.”

“What would you like?” you say

And so on...

The service would be charged on an hourly basis. An ongoing monthly subscription is also available for clients who succeed in wooing a long-term partner.

pocmloc, Jul 08 2010

online-dating outsourcing companies http://news.bbc.co....gazine/10552437.stm
[pocmloc, Jul 08 2010]

The play "Cyrano de Dergerac" at wikipedia.org http://en.wikipedia..._de_Bergerac_(play)
[phoenix, Jul 08 2010]

Jersey Bureau des Étrangers http://www.youtube....watch?v=U8hsj_CqrOs
[Jinbish, Jul 08 2010]

Not safe for the readily offended http://www.oglaf.com/balcony/
Penis humor warning [normzone, Jul 08 2010, last modified Jul 09 2010]


       Baked (as a TV reality show) in the UK.
8th of 7, Jul 08 2010

       Bit like that film with Gerard Depardieu. You know, the one with the big nose.
zen_tom, Jul 08 2010

       Dumbo ?
8th of 7, Jul 08 2010

Jinbish, Jul 08 2010

vincevincevince, Jul 08 2010

       It's that one about the poet/detective in the Jersey Bureau des Étrangers who falls in love and woos a lady with a mixture of love poetry and unorthordox policing methods.
zen_tom, Jul 08 2010

       "Hello, Cully!"
calum, Jul 08 2010

       // poet/detective in the Jersey Bureau des Étrangers //   

       Ah, that would be "CSI: St Helier", then.
8th of 7, Jul 08 2010

       <Thick as a Whale Omelette, Prince George> "Sausage time!" </TAAWOPG>
DrBob, Jul 08 2010

       Very nice exchange, pocmloc. What are you doing Wednesday?
blinddriver, Jul 10 2010

       So, you're dividing your attention between your date and this voice in your ear? You'll look like a schizophrenic off his meds. Well, everybody's *somebody's* cup of tea. Maybe your date's subscribing to the same service. Would cut out a lot of wasted time.
mouseposture, Jul 11 2010

       Thanks a lot [normzone] I had work to do today.
rcarty, Jul 11 2010

       Sorry, [blinddriver], I'll be busy, adjusting my front door mat, I think.
pocmloc, Jul 11 2010

       You had me at “ugghhhh....”
pertinax, Jul 12 2010

       This is an old idea, but the technology is finally catching up on it, so it is bound to be baked soon.
MisterQED, Jul 12 2010


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