Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Death Stalks the Gun Show

They Were Armed To The Teeth. It Didn't Help.
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A crazed but highly skilled killer - ex-SEAL, maybe? - stalks a weekend-long gun show, eliminating stereotypically hidebound gun enthusiasts in creative and unexpected ways, while they try unsuccessfully to hunt him (her?) down with traditional firearms. Irony abounds.
smendler, Mar 15 2013

Badman and Badman http://www.badmans.co.uk/index.shtml
[not_morrison_rm, Mar 18 2013]

Rampage (2009) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1337057
Could be rewritten per this idea. Pitch it to Uwe Boll. [CraigD, Mar 18 2013]

Ninja III: The Domination (1984) http://www.youtube....watch?v=X_rKng3VB_8
Or re-background the first 10 minutes of this in a gunshow venue (OANCKAN) [CraigD, Mar 18 2013]

Will Death be wearing this t-shirt? http://www.zazzle.c...-235637005096015298
[theleopard, Mar 20 2013]

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       Hopefully not baked anytime soon.
blissmiss, Mar 16 2013

       Have you been to a gun show? A large, well-lit room, typically an auditorium, with a general lack of what professional soldiers consider good cover, filled with literally thousands of firearms and several hundred people who know how to use them. Even taking into account the time required to remove trigger locks and retrieve ammunition from the safes, it would be a very short film.   

       I know what you're getting at here, but even a SEAL would be hard-pressed to get very far in this scenario. These days there are enough armed guards and police stationed just at the entrance to the restrooms to handle the job before any of us gun nuts could even get our hoglegs loaded.
Alterother, Mar 16 2013

       //A large, well-lit room, typically an auditorium//   

       Yes, but you're talking about a real-world gun show. This is Hollywood. By the same token - snakes seldom make it onto planes; nuclear bombs don't usually have big red digital countdown displays; and holy grails seldom emit light-shows capable of turning Nazis to dust.   

       Picture the scene - it's a gun show that's been organized on a large cruise ship to take advantage of special regulations which apply only in international waters. The cruise has been organized by the CIA specifically to lure the world's criminals into one location so that the ship can be sunk by means of a small nuclear warhead hidden in a sealed compartment. The ship is captained by a retired naval admiral who has been diagnosed with terminal phygostatic paralogia, and wants to take these guys down with him.   

       Unfortunately, the ne'er-do-wells hijack the ship (something which the CIA has, tragically, failed to foresee as a possibility) and is sailing it towards California. Fortunately, though, Bruce Willis has stowed away in the engine room, and is in radio contact with a CHiPs officer. Unfortunately, though, Willis has no weapons other than a spoon, and has forgotten his shoes.   

       Single handedly, he must take out the bad guys one by one. He does this by a combination of deft spoon usage, improvised explosives and by turning the baddies against eachother by means of subterfuge. A climax of the film happens when the Japanese contingent on board decide to celebrate with a banquet of sea urchins, which are scattered across the floor of the ship's dining area, to the annoyance of a barefoot Willis.   

       In the nick of time, he seizes control of the ship and points the autopilot towards the island of one of the drug barons on the ship. He does this just before the ship reaches California, where its slowing down to below 12 knots would trigger the nuclear warhead.   

       At the last moment before the ship hits the island, he is caught and his hands are handcuffed. With minutes to go before the ship stops and the bomb goes off, he contorts himself, using a sea- urchin spine sticking out of his heel to pick the lock on the handcuffs. In one bound he is free, diving overboard and swimming to safety moments before the bomb goes off, only to be picked up by his CHiPs buddy on a jet ski.   

       Roll credits.   

       Now THAT's a gun show.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 16 2013

       Die Wet?
ytk, Mar 16 2013

       When I read this, maybe still confused by the rear admirials terminal phlogistic paraphilia, I thought the cruise ship had been hijacked by a different set of baddies. Bruce notwithstanding that would make for a fun movie: a ship full of baddies realizing they have not only been tricked by the CIA (baddies) but have been hijacked by a different set of baddies. Sort of a Lock Stock and 2 smoking barrels scenario.
bungston, Mar 16 2013

       Way too complicated for a movie either intended to sell to a US audience or starring Bruce Willis. One lot of good guys, one lot of bad guys, many guns.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 16 2013

       //A large, well-lit room, typically an auditorium, with a general lack of what professional soldiers consider good cover, filled with literally thousands of firearms and several hundred people who know how to use them. Even taking into account the time required to remove trigger locks and retrieve ammunition from the safes, it would be a very short film.//   

       Daisy-cutter. (Or MOAB)   

       Still quite a short film, though.
Loris, Mar 17 2013

       //Way too complicated for a movie … intended to sell to a US audience//   

       Yes, not at all like those highbrow British films. “Carry On Highjacking” anyone?
ytk, Mar 17 2013

       //“Carry On Highjacking” anyone?// Sp. "hijacking"
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 17 2013

       Actually, I believe the British spelling is “hyjacke”.
ytk, Mar 17 2013

       //filled with literally thousands of firearms and several hundred people who know how to use them//   

       Pah. They'd start splattering bullets like a cow pissing on a flat rock and kill more of their friends than bad guys. Kind of like they do now.
nomocrow, Mar 18 2013

       // I believe the British spelling is “hyjacke”.// It actually comes from Tamil word "hijag" (or "hizab"), which in turn comes from "hitza" (loosely, "to steal") and "abo", meaning a house. These, of course, are transliterations from the Tamil alphabet, so whether it's "hi" or "hy" is a bit moot. However, it's not "high" - that spelling is based on the erroneous assumption that the word relates to aircraft.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 18 2013

       //holy grails seldom emit light-shows capable of turning Nazis to dust//

Mine does. Yours must be malfunctioning. Upgrade the driver*.

* that's a software upgrade not a pay rise for the chauffeur!
DrBob, Mar 18 2013

       // They'd start splattering bullets like a cow pissing on a flat rock //   

       There's a certain degree of truth to that statement. Not all gun nuts value accuracy and discretion as much as I do, but most are more responsible than the stereotype allows.   

       Apologies. I don't really like other gun people, but I feel the need to defend so-called 'gun culture' from those who view it unrealistically.
Alterother, Mar 18 2013

       //It actually comes from Tamil word "hijag" (or "hizab")//   

       Truly fascinating.   

       Interestingly, I've been doing some etymological research myself, and I discovered that “Maxwell” actually comes from the Arabic root word “kaswa”, meaning “marketplace”, and “m'kaswal” literally translates to “one from the marketplace”, but has a meaning closer to “monger” or “purveyor”.   

       And “Buchanan” of course comes from the Punjabi words “bookah”, meaning “crops”, and “naan”, which as we all know is a type of staple bread but is more broadly used as a term for any type of sustenance. So “bookah-naan” (literally, “crop-food”) refers to the organic matter mixed into the soil for the nourishment of the plants.
ytk, Mar 18 2013

       If this idea was literally about Death stalking a gun fair, that would be more cinematic.   

       On the etymology front, discovered some cabinet makers around the corner called "Badman and Badman". I'm not sure if either of them have guns.
not_morrison_rm, Mar 18 2013

       //I've been doing some etymological research myself...// So you're saying I'm a purveyor of buns? Well...
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 18 2013

       There is a potential market for a Death Stalks The... franchise. Either using the lone assassin approach, or perhaps something closer to Final Destination-cum-disaster movie, with (the personification of?) Death sweeping zigzaggely through a convention hall, casually and creatively offing people like he's playing Doom with iddqd. Anyway, once you've motion-captured the various scenes if convention carnage, this framework can be skinned as gun show, comic con, furry knees up, MIPIM or whatever gathering of detestable human garbage people will pay most and most often to see charnelised.
calum, Mar 18 2013

       [Alter] While I agree with you in the main, anyone who claims they need a fully automatic weapon for hunting (which some do) strike me as being more of the spray and pray variety.
MechE, Mar 19 2013

       Anybody who claims to 'need' anything more than a semi- auto for hunting, target shooting, or anything other than legitimate combat operations is a full-blown frothing idiot.   

       Given the resources, would I obtain the necessary permits and purchase a fully automatic firearm? Yes, as a collector and admirer of historical pieces (it's a very humble collection), I acknowledge the desire to have a WWII-era M2 in my library. But I don't _need_ an automatic weapon, and neither does anyone else who is not a soldier* or a cop. The only reason I hunt with an AR is that I enjoy building and tinkering with them (and used to compete with them) and I refuse to own a gun (aside from an historical piece) that I do not have a use for. I could just as ably hunt with a single-shot Savage or a Model 70 (R.I.P.).   

       *or a Marine
Alterother, Mar 20 2013

       Anyway, it's pretty much moot now.
Alterother, Mar 20 2013

       Never said you said anything, [Kwest]. [MechE] said:   

       // anyone who claims they need a fully automatic weapon for hunting (which some do) // etc.   

       But seriously, dude, an AK? All this time I had you pegged for a lover of finely-crafted firearms, and now, sir, you disappoint me.
Alterother, Mar 20 2013

       [calum], were you aware iddqd is a veritable internet meme? I was quite pleased with myself when I recognised such an obscure reference, but Googled it just to double check and found they have a t-shirt of it and everything.
theleopard, Mar 20 2013

       Ha! No, I didn't know it was a meme, though now that you mention it it seems like an inevitability that it would be one.
calum, Mar 20 2013

       I can't name a more durable, reliable, or low-maintanance weapon than the AK-47 and you know it. Off the top of my head, I can name the FN-FAL, the L85, and the Galil as more versatile, and without even getting into what I consider 'well-crafted' I can name dozens of combat weapons that are more accurate than the stamped-tin Russian rockchucker, starting with the Uzi. Sure, you can light your AK on fire and piss on it to put it out, take a giant dump in the receiver, toss in a few iron filings for good measure, run it through a dishwasher with rock salt for detergent, and it will still fire flawlessly before the water's drained out, but as a gun it is a definitive failure due to its consistent and unfailing refusal to put a bullet on target.   

       If I were put into a survival scenario with the possibility of combat and limited to a single firearm, an M14 wouldn't be a bad option, but I'd cut the sucker down to a skeleton stock.
Alterother, Mar 20 2013

       <realizes there's a "women and their shoes" correlation: a gun for every occasion>
FlyingToaster, Mar 20 2013

       //more durable, reliable, or low-maintanance weapon// Sten and offshoot SMG's.   

       What kind of MOA can you get out of a real AK-47 ? (not a civ clone which presumably have closer engineered tolerances)
FlyingToaster, Mar 20 2013

       Don't go all uber-patriot on me, [Quest]. Nobody likes that guy.   

       // What kind of MOA can you get out of a real AK-47 ? //   

       At best, and this is bound to start a fight, you can probably squeeze a genuine modern-day AK-47 down to 1.5 MOA (I'm talking clamped to a test bench, best 10-of-100). The rare milled-receiver variants were supposedly a bit more accurate, but that's still using the term loosely. We're talking about a gun that necessitated the development of a special muzzle attachment not to improve accuracy but simply to imbue it.
Alterother, Mar 20 2013

       reason I asked is the tradeoff of field worthiness (and low cost) vs. accuracy.   

       You can send a Lee Enfield to a gunsmith and get back a .75 MOA (with match-grade ammo) rifle easily, but you wouldn't want your WWI or II squad equipped with them. Requirements at the time were IIRC 3" vertical and 2 horizontal @100yds with standard issue ammunition.   

       I think non-accurized AK47's are in the 4-5 moa department.   

       <leaves armchair momentarily>
A FAL will shoot 2" or better consistently with military grade ammo, out of the box, but you're unlikely to get near MOA no matter what kind of magic you imbue it with due to the tilting-block action.
<returns to armchair>
FlyingToaster, Mar 20 2013

       The serious attractions are very easy availability of parts, expertise and ammunition.   

       And of course "Does it look like I bought this to shoot paper ?" It's just a matter of how big the lawn you want people off of is.   

       A Sterling's even cheaper (to produce) and more robust. I've never shot one past 50m (I think I got 4" groups but it's been awhile). With a 7" barrel, 9mm parabellum ammo and actuating from an open bolt, I seriously doubt Internet claims of a 2" group at 50yards, even with a 16" carbine barrel.
FlyingToaster, Mar 21 2013

       [Quest], I give all credit where it's due. If it makes you feel better I will freely acknowledge that the AK-47 is a functional and deadly weapon; my earlier statements were exaggerated for comedic effect, which I believed at the time to be obvious. [Toaster] is right about the 4-5 MOA ability of a field-grade AK, which is plenty accurate for combat purposes.   

       To have it implied that my disdain for the AK-47 automatically correlates to a disrespect for the countless heroes and innocents killed or wounded by such weapons is false and borderline insulting.   

       I _would_ like to point out that most casualties in our recent wars were/are caused by explosives and support weapons such as mortars, machine guns, and sniper rifles (and don't go trying to tell me that the Dragunov/PSO variants are just like the AK; I once owned one, and I assure you that the similarities are purely cosmetic).
Alterother, Mar 21 2013

       Just out of curiosity, for those of us who aren't firearms nuts, MOA?   

       I'm guessing something like measure of accuracy, but I don't see how that interprets to a unitless number.
MechE, Mar 21 2013

       //Just out of curiosity, for those of us who aren't firearms nuts, MOA? //   

       I googled it and decided on Minute Of Arc, ie 1/60 of 1 degree. Presumably the range of angles at which a projectile leaves the barrel, although I didn't bother checking against the numbers being bandied around.
Or it could be an elaborate double-bluff involving extinct flightless birds from New Zealand.

       //I _would_ like to point out that most casualties in our recent wars were/are caused by explosives and support weapons such as mortars//   

       Yeah, but what MOA do they have, eigh?
Loris, Mar 21 2013

       Yes it's used as a gun-nut term for accuracy, though it does show up in manufacturer PR, also Wikipedia has a firearms subentry for "minutes of angle". At 100m, 1 minute is approximately 1 inch so it's a handy simple reference.   

       Mortar accuracy of course is measured in "Minutes of Volkswagen".
FlyingToaster, Mar 21 2013


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