Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Dirty arse detector

Study screen and home in on chugnuts
  (+4, -10)(+4, -10)
(+4, -10)
  [vote for,

This is a small camera fitted to the bowl of your bog to allow you to locate and remove your shite without the risk of spread. Your all aware of the perils of the sticky shite. You reach down to wipe away the filth from your ass and squish, your wiping and spreading it all over the place. Up round your balls the works. My camera allows you to spot any hangers on, sticky or otherwise and to tackle them with the appropriate wipe.Eg Sticky shite, dabbing motion, not the wipe.

A screen appropriately positioned beside your toilet allows you to carry out the cleaning process with speed and precision. No more chocolate spread for you guys.

This device may appear costly, however cctv cameras are everywhere. Simply head down to your nearest tube station, screw that baby off the wall, water proof it, hook her up to an old monitor, position her correctly, easy peasy, poopsy deesy.

Love the garlic brothers

garlic twins, Dec 07 2001

(??) Cleg nuts http://earth.beseen...0957/guestbook.html
A chugnut by any other name... [lubbit, Dec 11 2001, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Reflective Toilet Tissue http://www.halfbake...e_20Toilet_20Tissue
Same idea, different technique [phoenix, Dec 14 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]


       I've spent enough of my life looking at specs for Japanese electronic toilets, so I'm not going to bother researching this. I can't remember seeing any lavs with cameras though, so maybe this is a new idea. (I thought Rods said you'd need lightning, so there's your electrolysis.)   

       Anyhow, eat more fibre.
pottedstu, Dec 07 2001

       Practice, practice, practice.
phoenix, Dec 07 2001

       get a bidet.
lewisgirl, Dec 07 2001

       (Please don't use "egnor-yuck" anything. Feel free to use [RodsTiger yuck boring] if you want.)
egnor, Dec 07 2001

       Chuck Berry had something like this but for a slightly different reason. I think it got him into trouble.
calum, Dec 07 2001

       I seem to remember a Simpsons episode where the family went to Japan. Bart and Lisa were channel hopping in their hotel room while Homer went to the toilet and eventually came across a channel showing Homer peering into the bowl. Fortunately we only had to listen to the sound of him taking his trousers off. So baked in cartoon form, but only if you get someone else to watch it appears.
CoolerKing, Dec 08 2001

       This is the grossest description of an idea I've *ever* seen here...
snarfyguy, Dec 08 2001

       Guys, guys, of course the description is going to be disgusting, its a disgusting subject. You can't discuss improved methods for shit extraction without getting your 'hands dirty'. Its just not possible. All of those with a squeamish disposition should have interpreted the title,'dirty arse detector' and kept well away. What did you think it was going to be about, flower arranging; fluffy bunnies? Don't shoot the messenger.
garlic twins, Dec 08 2001

       I skipped most of this, being the delicate, polite young lady Iam, sort of. You cannot tell from the title whats its going to be - it could well have been a flower arranging detector that warns you when the stems need trimming off. Could have been about ponytail fasteners who knows.
po, Dec 08 2001

       Wow. Heinous.
jimithing, Dec 09 2001

       The messenger and the message are one in this case.
bristolz, Dec 09 2001

       A solution without a problem. How nice.

Most people seem to get anal hygiene worked out fairly well by age 5 or 6. Do you have some particular "issues" with your mother? Or is your diet so rich that you excrete a semi-fluid caulky glue-like substance?

If fastidiousness is your motivation, and the current market of toilet hygiene products is not sufficient for you, then perhaps you should consider a colostomy.
quarterbaker, Dec 10 2001

       I believe the offending items you refer to are called "cleg nuts". Not sure why, but the internet has at least one other instance of them so it's not just me.
lubbit, Dec 11 2001

       [1/4b] A solution without a problem. I admire your way with words immensely.
po, Dec 11 2001

       blissmiss, po - thank you. I've been having more fun commenting lately.
quarterbaker, Dec 11 2001

       Guys, if you keep annotating this, it won't go away...
StarChaser, Dec 12 2001

       I don't want this to go away. This is a perfectly legitimate idea, especially bearing in mind the dangers of fecal bacteria getting onto clothes and spreading infections. If people are unable to wipe correctly, we should not ignore their problem, we should consider how best to help. Being disgusting is not on jutta's list of reasons for deletion.
pottedstu, Dec 13 2001

       Cleg nuts. Hmm. We call 'em "dingleberries" here in the South.
dysfunktionalC, Jul 12 2003

       [shift] Gross but funny ;). Heard it before but it's still funny.
thecat, Jul 12 2003

       when installing lights for the dirty arse detector use UV bulbs for a nice arse tan and it also eliminates the hassle you get from the cops when your tanning your tea towel holder at the beach
kastlebar, Aug 13 2003

       How would you keep the camera clean?
qt75rx1, Mar 10 2008

       Perfect use for old GoPros.
tatterdemalion, Dec 05 2016

       [garlic twins] obtained a user account in November of 2001 and posted five ideas of this ilk in the next three months.
normzone, Dec 05 2016

       His absence leaves a much-needed gap.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 06 2016


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