h a l f b a k e r yBirth of a Notion.
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It's often said (though I can't actually remember anyone saying
it, but I'm somewhat sure may have read it somewhere) that
celery takes more energy to eat and digest than you get from
it. I doubt that's true and, in any case, there's a limit to how
much celery a person can eat.
Surely science
can do better than this? MaxCo. is therefore
scouring the Sigma catalogue to identify the active ingredient
in its forthcoming product - Doof! (yes with an exclamation
mark).
Doof! will be a dense, chewy comestible flavoured with either
chocolate or liqourice (we have yet to decide). Its active
ingredient will be a relatively inexpensive soluble, absorbable
chemical that reacts with ATP - the body's energy currency.
Ideally, this chemical will a branched molecule with multiple
functional groups, each capable of reacting with (and
effectively destroying) one ATP molecule. The reaction will,
necessarily, be exothermic but slow enough that eating a
Doof! bar will not actually cause you to explode or incandesce.
Each mouthfull of Doof! will, therefore, deduct a sizeable
amount from your body's energy balance, leaving you feeling
slightly warm and a little tired. Overdosing on Doof! will be
almost impossible because, if you try, you will simply become
too weak to eat any more until your body has replenished its
ATP supply. In this regard, it will be far, far (or at least
slightly) safer than drugs such as DNP that cause your body to
haemorrhage energy, but which remain active up to and
beyond the point of death.
Roughly speaking, we can expect 1lb of Doof! to equate to
about half a pound of body fat lost. And this neglects the fact
that, while your stomach is full of Doof!, you will feel too full
to each much actual !fooD
Plant toxins that do something similar
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swainsonine Into The Wild (film) - there are some plant toxins that block absorption/metabolisation of nutrients. Theres some dose fine-tuning to do there though! [Frankx, Sep 18 2019]
Spontaneous Human Combustion
https://en.wikipedi...us_human_combustion Nope. No. It doesnt happen. In every case, theres a more rational, obvious explanation [Frankx, Sep 19 2019]
[link]
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Won't you grow massive jaw muscles that will
require an increase in food intake to satisfy their
energy demands? |
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Nope. Our marketing team definitely say nope. |
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So, your flock of macaws have been taught a new word ? Remarkable - not the learning per se, but that it's not an obscene expletive. |
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// will not actually cause you to explode or incandesce. // |
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We can help you fix that. |
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There's quite a lot of chemical potential energy in a human cadaver; spontaneous human combustion is an interesting example. Given a suitable (preferably two-part) catalyst, it might be possible to engineer not a "suicide pill" but a "suicide bomber pill" ... plink, plink, BOOM ... |
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Maybe even incorporate it into BorgCo cat food .... munch, munch, miaow, BOOM .... |
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<Prolonged evil laughter and arm-flapping/> |
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Ha! lovely [8th] explodicious kitties!
<snigger>
Whats the formula? |
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//plant toxins that block absorption/metabolisation of
nutrients// The problem with that approach is that the
nutrients have to go somewhere. If they're not absorbed,
they pass through the gut to the colon where they cause what
is politely described as "anal leakage". |
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[8th of 7] there is a movie with that premise; I think it was
something mixed into water then drunk which caused
explodiness. |
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//spontaneous human combustion is an interesting example//
and yet also totally mythical. People (particularly those with
a healthy layer of subcutaneous fat) can combust, but not
spontaneously. |
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We are intrigued as to how you reconcile the capability for combustion, albeit non-spontaneously, with the description of subcutaneous fat as "healthy". |
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Slowly charring out of existence while reposing in an armchair does not seem to be a phenomenon that might reasonably be associated with a "healthy lifestyle" ... |
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[link] Spontaneous Human Combustion |
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A biochemistry question I'm not sure of the answer to: Would the
erm, "manure" produced as a by-product of eating this substance be markedly different from usual? - for example, would it be unusually potent when used as a crop fertilizer? Could it be used as a fuel in cars? |
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That very much remains to be seen. Recent experiments
suggest that it may have value as a semi-synthetic alternative
to earwax. |
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Hey 8th, have you ever played a game called "Exploding
Kittens"? |
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I think it might be up your street. |
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There's also a NSFW version. And an Imploding Kittens
expansion. |
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The thing about ATP is that it's usually recycled. The plan
here is to remove it from the system. I don't know what the
replacement rate is for ATP, but some caution may be
advised. |
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Also, I note that your multivalent branching molecule has to
enter cells, acquire its load of ATP and leave somehow, and
presumably at some point be secreted. I look forward to
seeing how this works. |
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// The thing about ATP is that it's usually recycled// |
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True, but the body can make new ATP more or less from
scratch. At a pinch, we could add AMP into the recipe for
Doof! |
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//enter cells...leave somehow// Yes, true. Something with a
hydrophobic, lipophilic backbone might make it. Failing that,
we'll just have to limit the number of branches on the
molecule. |
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//Recent experiments suggest that it may have value as a
semi-synthetic alternative to earwax.// |
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If it's not Rentishams I'm not interested. |
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Making a stasis manufacturing pathway into a constant output pathway is going to have a whole cascade of effects but at least the subject is full, warm and lethargic. |
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