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FartMeter Pro

Calibrated Flatulence Made Easy
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These handy wireless postage-stamp sized units from PIB (Pay It Behind) can be placed or embedded in any porous surface and have been designed to work best with commercial seating fabric.The data on individual releases includes duration, pungency, volume, audio effects, toxicity, and PSI .The proprietary AI scores originality as well against a remote searchable database categorized by location, time of day, street café, theater, lecture hall, vehicle, etc.

For example: Each of the 250 seats in Theater 4 is fitted with the FartMeter Pro, which reports to the manager's office, providing a local scoring and how your Megamax ranked against other theaters of the same size, and which of your 12 theaters is the winner. When the movie is over the manager presents a modest prize to the winner, not telling them what it is for. The winner can be defined as the fartiest or the least farty. An added attraction to moviegoing. When correlated with sales from the snack bar, this will provide valuable marketing info.

When used in waiting rooms the FartMeter allows receptionists to tweak appointment times after lunch depending on the display on their computer.

Airline personnel would know when to avoid Rows 23-26 on a long flight.

Restaurants could adjust ingredients and/or methods in the kitchen if the dining room ambience became intolerable. Or, conversely, ramp up the gas to ensure tables turn over quickly.

Cabbies could charge extra if the passenger area was compromised, and the surcharge would be added automatically to the meter.

Clothing store changing rooms' "Occupied" light would stay lit even though vacant if they were polluted.

Here at PIB we see farts occupying an ever greater volume in 21st century marketing. At PIB we are never looking back, except to ensure it was only a fart.

minoradjustments, Sep 16 2023


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