Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Fart distractor

A fart-powered dog whistle/silencer
 
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How many times in history did someone blame "it" on the dog and been caught? Now you can, without risk of detection. By combining a supersonic dog whistle with a buttplug, farts can be dispenced whenever necesary, without anyone knowing. If there are dogs around, they will be driven wild by (to them) audible noise, and no one notices or cares about any flatulence as the chase the dog around. No dogs? Well, as people can't hear the sound, you can happily go about your "business"completely undetected.
Aegis, Aug 18 2003

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       Sounds sensible to start with but dogs aren't stupid. No doubt the fart-whistle would strike quite a distinctive melody to the dog's ears. Once it had learnt that when it answers that tune it is greeted only with disdain (and no treats) it will soon decide that its not worthwhile bothering to respond. The short term gains would be far outweighed by the difficulty in explaining where that suspiciously discoloured dog whistle came from as it falls out the bottom of your trouser-leg when you accidentally follow-through.
dobtabulous, Aug 18 2003
  

       Something quite like this was done as a fake advertisement on Saturday Night Live a couple years ago. That one wasn't funny either.
krelnik, Aug 18 2003
  

       Rather disgusting.
DesertFox, May 10 2004
  

       Took me until the end of the first anno to realize it goes in your butt, not the dog's.
notexactly, Jan 19 2017
  
      
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