Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Fart Catheter

Discreetly disposes of unwanted gaseous emissions
  (+6, -1)
(+6, -1)
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A small tube could be inserted into the rectum to bleed off the gases that sometimes collect there before they escape into the air. The collected flatulence can then be passed through a deodorizing charcoal air-scrubber, burned in a microturbine to produce power, or pumped into a pressure cylinder for later disposal. The whole apparatus would have to be small enough to be worn under your clothes.

This could be handy in the office, making elevator rides, meetings, etc. more pleasant,

A sufficiently compact version could even be worn to bed. Sure, your bed partner might not think it's sexy, but would they prefer the alternative, especially if you just enjoyed a big dinner of beans'n'curry'n'sausages'n'so forth?

The camping version could include an adapter to attach to the cookstove, thus promoting the ecologically sound cycle of gas->heat->tomorrow's cooked beans->more gas.

wiml, Sep 08 2000

Joyce's Ulysses, chapter Ithaca http://www.biblioma...ulysses/ithaca.html
The stove attachment is probably in Finnegan's Wake. [hello_c, Sep 08 2000, last modified Oct 21 2004]

(?) The Sucking Slip http://www.creativa.../inglese/index.html
From the multimedia fair of inventions! [Matty, Jul 04 2002, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Ruminant Animal Methane Emissions Collector Patent http://www.patently...t.php?patID=6982161
Baked (in a Dutch Oven) [Dub, Jun 02 2006]


       How many BTUs does the average fart contain? I don't expect increased smell helps the energy content, as methane is odorless. Then again, what else is in there, other than methane? Little tiny poop particles?
centauri, Sep 08 2000

       I'm sure a primitive version (no stove attachment) was described by by James Joyce in Ulysses - heck, for all I know it was commercially available in Dublin in his day. Not any wierder than anti-hysteria massagers.   

       Ha! Second-to-last chapter, search for "Wonderworker". Close enough.
hello_c, Sep 08 2000

       PeterSealy, have you ever seen the movie 'Jack' with Robin Williams and Bill Cosby? There's a hilarious scene where the main character farts into a coffee can and then seals it- and then unseals it and tosses in a lit match. BOOM!   

       Priceless. I have to try it someday.
BigThor, Sep 12 2000

       What steps could be taken to keep this technology from falling into the wrong hands?   

       What happens if it gets clogged?
Fishead, Sep 12 2000

       Rather than storing the emissions they could be lit and vented as a burning plume out of a small "flare stack", a bit like what happens in oil refineries. Of course this could present a fire hazard to the user and those nearby, so the gas might be burned in something like a miner's safety lamp.
Skinny Rob, Sep 13 2000

       Bottle it and sell it.
thumbwax, Sep 27 2000

       Baked - Victorian era ladies used to "collect" their farts in a bottle then burn it at night.
will, Sep 28 2000

       Hard to believe. You got a reference for that?
jutta, Sep 28 2000

       I personally can't see a need to carry around an apparatus that gets partially inserted into my anus when a little gas never hurt anybody. The negative social stigma attached to the natural occurrence is better changed than enabled with crazy contraptions that may do more harm than good.   

       A stinky fishbone goes to this one.
XSarenkaX, Jul 03 2002

       If the seal between the tube and your butt was adequate, such a device could even take care of the problem of the occasional "G & L" fart ("gambled and lost"--you gambled it would just be a fart, but it ended up something more serious).
TheJeff, Jul 01 2004

       Wrong approach! Flatulence odor is not caused by a lack of filtration, it's caused by overeating. Just back up from the table, (especially white foods, and of course beans) and no more flatulence! Other benefits are weight loss, lipids go down, and zits magically disappear.
bobad, Jul 01 2004

       "rectum" and "bleed" should never be in the same sentence.
schematics, Jul 01 2004

       Speaking of James Joyce and farting, has everybody here read that letter he wrote to Nora?
notexactly, Nov 08 2018

       We certainly have not, nor do we intend to do so.
8th of 7, Nov 08 2018


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