Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Ingrown Grass

Give your lawn a permanent with Mow-No-More blade bending
  (+5, -1)
(+5, -1)
  [vote for,

If the preliminary results are confirmed, this new, no-cutting-edge technology, lawn care system will show great promise. Its environmentally-green, untested-on-animals, hardware consists of 12 volt insulated copper wire (recycled from starter motor windings), a sticky iron oxide solution (recycled from floppy disks) and the Mow-No-More wet wiper (from a cylinder lawn mower, a foot bath and 200 toothbrushes).

The wire is laid out on the lawn in a parallel pattern with a 2-inch gap. The wet wiper is filled with the rusty glue and pushed across the yard, “ironing” each blade of grass. This pleasant chore should be repeated every two months to coat new growth. The final step is to insert the rechargeable batteries, flip the switch and see how your orange-green grass bends magically into the magnetic field to create curled rows. A flattering radial pattern can be achieved with the wire laid in a tight spiral.

Caution: The switch should be placed out of reach of children and party guests. A report has come in where repeated switching caused lawn waving that prompted passerby panic.

FarmerJohn, Aug 11 2002


       I think you might find a chemical spray more practical than 200 toothbrushes.
DrCurry, Aug 11 2002

       I believe the only purpose in mowing grass is for the wonderful smell. Can you patent this smell as well? To be dispersed during ironing thus creating sensual validation.
rubyissues2, Aug 11 2002

       Strangely enough, the combined smell of old motors, rust, ozone, foot bath residue and caked toothpaste resembles the scent of freshly mown grass.
FarmerJohn, Aug 11 2002

       you forgot sweat and male pheromones
po, Aug 11 2002

       Hmmmmmmm - there's a niche market for lawn mowing jobs - probably get twice the $ for mowing 1/4 the yard.
thumbwax, Aug 12 2002

       Uhh... this idea intrigues me. Curly, coarse lawns everywhere... the cornish rex of corn rows... eeek... apply this idea to farms, and you'd see endless miles of curly fields... eek. Using a similar device (?) you might be able to design automated crop circles right in the middle of your living room... ahh the possibilities...
polartomato, Aug 12 2002

       i like my grass green, but i'll give it a vote for to much time on your hands
dudewithmower, Apr 24 2005


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