Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Innuendo Cafe

Wouldn't it be great if you could sit down at a nice restaurant and order naughty items from the menu?
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The meals served at this restaurant would be right-tasty cuisine, but the names would all have some slang reference to sexual terms, just for giggles. This wouldn't necessarily be an adults-only restaurant, but the jokes would go over the kids' heads while the adults all laugh at the things they order.

Example menu items:
* Hot Buns - free, warmed bread
* Hand Job - finger food
* Filthy Sanchez - "garbage" nachos (with everything on them)
* Sloppy Seconds - yesterday's Sloppy Joe
* Ham Wallet - a fine ham sandwich
* Hot Gobbler - roast turkey sandwich
* Baloney Pony - Balogna sandwich, possibly with some pony-shaped bread or garnish
* Fish Tacos / Flog the Dolphin - fish tacos
* Chimichangas - chimichangas
* Tube Steak - A fine sausage or a funly shaped cut of steak
* Hide the Sausage - sausages covered with other ingredients
* Bearded Clam - Clam dish or Oysters served with "beards" of cheese and spinach
* Pork Sandwich - pork sandwich
* Doggie Style / Hot Dog in a Hallway - cocktail wienies in an over-sized bun
* Beans and Franks - hot dogs and barbecue beans
* Choke the Chicken - some sort of chicken dish
* Boner - slab of ribs
* Flash Your Rack - rack of lamb
* Bits 'n' Pieces - a fine mish-mash of various veggies
* Toss Your Salad? - a lovely bowl of fresh greens and various other goodies
* Spotted Dick - Spotted Dick :)
* Cream Pie - some sort of fluffy dessert
* Take a Cherry - add a cherry to your drink of choice
* Black Cherry - chocolate covered cherry dessert
* Brownie - brownie
* Boob Juice - milk
* Melons - fruit plate of watermelon, honeydew, and cantaloupe
* Nut Sack / Bust a Nut - a nutty dessert or hazelnut drink
* Spank the Monkey - mashed banana dessert

I'm sure there are plenty of other possibilities. Got any special requests?

XSarenkaX, Oct 13 2010

Dirty Slang Dictionary http://www.scribd.c...ty-Slang-Dictionary
Just another list of fun terms [XSarenkaX, Oct 13 2010]

Sex-Lexis.com http://www.sex-lexis.com/
Look up naughty terms or browse [XSarenkaX, Oct 14 2010]

rude food names http://blogs.laweek...en-rude-food-names/
[xandram, Oct 14 2010]

Obligatory Link http://www.milkinfi...y/profanisaurus.htm
fish mitten, vampire's teabags, egg mcwhiff etc etc [calum, Oct 15 2010]

Moebius Strip Club Mobius_20Strip_20Club
[theircompetitor, Oct 17 2010]

[link]






       Well done! Great to see you on here, [XSarenkaX]. [+]
daseva, Oct 14 2010
  

       Hurray, praise! It's been literally years since I had an original idea worth posting at the Halfbakery. Back in the beginning, I was just pouring them out onto the screen - then I ran out of ideas and stopped.   

       Anyway, who's hungry?
XSarenkaX, Oct 14 2010
  

       //Ham wallet//   

       God I wish I didn't read that.   

       Bun though. [+]
doctorremulac3, Oct 14 2010
  

       [doctorremulac3]: You have no idea how proud your comment made me feel. Thanks!
XSarenkaX, Oct 14 2010
  

       What fun, XSX! I'm always in awe of your ability to flash your sexuality in public like the way you do. Yay!
blissmiss, Oct 14 2010
  

       [blissmiss]! Fancy seeing YOU here. I'm so sorry I've been absent from the 'bakery for so long. Its great to be back.   

       Sexuality ain't nothin' but a thang anyway. Glad it made you smile.
XSarenkaX, Oct 14 2010
  

       Ooh, "flash" gave me another idea. (I keep adding ones as I think of them, by the way.)
XSarenkaX, Oct 14 2010
  

       : ]
Bangers and mash?
  

       * Knee trembler - the waitress will 'accidentally' kick you in the shin while rushing past on her way to another table.
* A nice pair - a nice pear
* Massive cock - chicken, actually
hippo, Oct 14 2010
  

       * Innuendo Special - An enormous Kookwurst embedded in a butternut pumpkin.
infidel, Oct 14 2010
  

       * Meat and two veg - meat and two vegetables (thanks to Benny Hill)   

       * Hair pie - coconut cream pie topped with toasted coconut.   

       * Little man in a boat - gingerbread man with dipping caramel   

       * Hummer - apple cider a bit past its expiration date   

       * Sloppy seconds - hash   

       Good to see you back, [XSarenkaX]!
baconbrain, Oct 14 2010
  

       * Sugalumps - sugarlumps
hippo, Oct 14 2010
  

       * Pork sword - pork sword
hippo, Oct 14 2010
  

       My friend has done this on many occasion, sneaking innuendo into his menus, and providing the waiting staff with opportunity to giggle as unsuspecting members of the public order increasingly rude items.
zen_tom, Oct 14 2010
  

       Toad in the hole - Toad in the hole   

       Old Mother Hubbard - Sausage baked in pastry, doggy style.
infidel, Oct 14 2010
  

       As a table decoration, a portrait of the customer composed on a plate of dried spices. Cumin My Face.
DrBob, Oct 14 2010
  

       + haha, too early for me to think right now, but I'm sure laughing!!! (I'll try to put my dirty mind in gear soon!) I can't believe no one ordered a Vagina Jam and Penis butter sandwich! (well, that's not really innuendo- is it?)
xandram, Oct 14 2010
  

       *Chocolate Donuts
infidel, Oct 14 2010
  

       "Hallo, innuendo cafe. Yes, we take reservations. When? Yes, we have a slot we can fit you into. Great, well if you've got nothing on we'll be happy to have you."
egbert, Oct 14 2010
  

       * "milkshake" - milkshake

//Cumin My Face// - clever!
hippo, Oct 14 2010
  

       * 3 way lay = 3 eggs over easy
* well stacked = pancakes
* morning wood = dry toast
xandram, Oct 14 2010
  

       I'll have a big portion please.
Jinbish, Oct 14 2010
  

       Titter +   

       Beef bayonet
DenholmRicshaw, Oct 14 2010
  

       Many great additions, guys! Keep it coming. ;)
XSarenkaX, Oct 14 2010
  

       * Cheesy knob - a chunk of mature cheddar   

       * Lesbian sisters - two papalina (freshly salted sardines) from the Gulf of Kalloni
pocmloc, Oct 14 2010
  

       Massive Jugs - Beverage of choice, served in capacious pouring vessels.   

       Butt Monkey - A primate served in a rainwater barrel.   

       Double Entendre - any cocktail ordered by a female, so the bartneder can give her one.
Twizz, Oct 14 2010
  

       * Whore's doovers - menu sub-heading   

       * to go “all the way” - 3 courses inclusive
pocmloc, Oct 14 2010
  

       To be sure, your drink selection will include tang. Yes?
MikeD, Oct 14 2010
  

       * In Your End Oh= roasted butt portions
* Hide the Pickle = sandwich w/ pickle slices
xandram, Oct 14 2010
  

       The bill and the gratuity should be printed on separate reciepts so the diner can give the waiter/waitress "just the tip".
MikeD, Oct 14 2010
  

       *MMF - Milkshake & Monster Fries
infidel, Oct 14 2010
  

       Looks like a hard "HUGE" bun to me. Sort of...
blissmiss, Oct 14 2010
  

       Leg opener - small chicken drumsticks served as entré.
Menage-a-trois - three different mains/meats on one plate.
Vah-Jay-Jay - vegetable and juniper juice (that the best I could come up with to fit VJJ...)
neutrinos_shadow, Oct 14 2010
  

       I can see this restaurant attracting a large clientele, but the problem is that 13-year-old schoolboys don't often have the spending power to sustain a business.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 14 2010
  

       Damn, someone boned it.
infidel, Oct 14 2010
  

       * bun in the oven - a freshly baked bread roll
pocmloc, Oct 14 2010
  

       I think they're all at the restaurant, ogling the waitresses and hoping they'll be able to lick the err... plates, clean.   

       I think the cafe should be called "The Y".   

       We'll be dining at The Y tonight, darling.
infidel, Oct 15 2010
  

       *Creamed Jeans - A soup that looks a lot like cream of cauliflower, served in a denim patterned bowl.   

       *Ben Dover Sole - White fish, poached with a little butter, lemon, parsley and salt and pepper.   

       *Rollover Baby - Dessert, prepared and ready to go then flipped upside down and presented with a dollop of butter in the middle.
infidel, Oct 15 2010
  

       "Boob juice" would hardly sail over the kids heads.   

       Limit the menu to German and Mexican dishes and name the restaurant "Herr Taco".
Whistlebritches, Oct 15 2010
  

       "Rape Roman Style" = Monkfish (Anglerfish) in romano sauce.   

       Found in actual English menu section from Spanish "Rape a la Romana" Tasty, BTW.   

       O.T. Also included Clamps for Clams and Sea Nails as Sea Snails
Whistlebritches, Oct 15 2010
  

       *carpet munch - a crispy salad sandwich made on extra-large slices of bread.
pocmloc, Oct 15 2010
  

       *Parsley Burger - What it says on the menu, unshaven.
infidel, Oct 15 2010
  

       *Huge pair of tits - it's just a regular BLT but with an hilarious name.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 15 2010
  

       *Big Lesbian Twat - it's just a regular BLT but with an offputting name.
infidel, Oct 15 2010
  

       * Baby Batter with Runny Honey - mini pancakes with syrup
XSarenkaX, Oct 16 2010
  

       Not *everybody's* cup of tea.
mouseposture, Oct 16 2010
  

       Cleveland Steamer - hot fudge sundae.
Whistlebritches, Oct 17 2010
  

       Whenever I hear someone say "not my cup of tea" in future, I will instantly picture them gargling firemen.
marklar, Oct 17 2010
  

       This menu is basically everything mentioned in Deuce Bigalo, eg. Turkish Snowcone.
marklar, Oct 17 2010
  

       Presumably I'd have to put on my best pearl necklace before visiting?   

       EDIT: Also, "Shank of Love" - The chef's special lamb shank.
Germanicus, Oct 17 2010
  

       "Excuse me miss, what is this fly doing in my schtoop dujour?"   

       Thanks for this whimsy, [XSX]! Buns up, baby! [+]
Grogster, Oct 17 2010
  

       *Last Tango in Paris - orange flavour fizzy drink, served with butter
hippo, Oct 17 2010
  

       Two on one: A double cheeseburger.
Gangbang: appetizer sampler.
S&M: sandwich and mashed potatoes.
Cockring: fried chicken arranged in a circle.
Whiskeydick: Sausage sautéed in a whiskey sauce.
Fudgepacker: Pastry filled with nutella.
daseva, Oct 17 2010
  

       I love that this post is adding so much joy to the HB world. I'm sure there are thousands of other menu items I've never heard of yet. Enlighten me, friends.
XSarenkaX, Oct 18 2010
  

       um...   

       Cheque please!   

       //Also a half decent contraceptive (well it worked for me).//   

       Apparently not. You're still here, however ill-conceived.
infidel, Oct 18 2010
  

       Hahahahaha, infidel.   

       Lick Yours - Liqueurs, of course
infidel, Oct 19 2010
  

       * I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours - can I have the bill please? /or/ would you like to see the bill?
pocmloc, Oct 19 2010
  

       I really shouldn't say "marblecake".
Yogurt slinger: yogurt in a gel shell.
honeypot: honey confection.
bukkake: Japanese noodles (really! look it up)
Voice, Oct 19 2010
  

       Dammit [voice] I have been hoping all week to think of an Asian food of that name but not daring to google for it. Anyway, a tip of the hat to you for this one. I'll take a double order of it!
pocmloc, Oct 19 2010
  

       Yeah, beat me to it as well. I was going to go with Boo Cakey. A lovely sponge cake served with multiple splashes of single cream, to be consumed whilst being heckled by the staff.
DrBob, Oct 20 2010
  

       * cum shot - vodka with single cream
pocmloc, Oct 20 2010
  

       * Bust a Nut - Shelled walnuts, peanuts, or pistachios, with a mallet
XSarenkaX, Oct 26 2010
  

       //with a mallet// stiletto, shirley.
marklar, Oct 28 2010
  

       I remember a joke Chinese menu which featured such dishes as 'Wot kun fu dat (tossed salad)'
simonj, Oct 28 2010
  

       wow - I can't believe we've gotten this far without a single reference to jerked meat!
afinehowdoyoudo, Oct 28 2010
  

       * bump & grind - fresh herbs served in a mini mortar & pestle, as a seasoning
pocmloc, Oct 28 2010
  
      
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