Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Inverse flow of people-smuggling into the UK

  [vote for,

Seeing as we have one of the largest percentage of citizens retiring overseas of any country. I suspect the UK weather may be a major factor in that.

A round figure of 2,000,000 people would a reasonable estimate and if GBP £ tanks come the day...

I suggest people-smuggling into the UK will drop like a stone, as the trucks will all be full of skint pensioners trying to get home. The reduction of border security personnel will be a small boon to Exchequer.

not_morrison_rm, Jan 12 2019


       // reduction of border security personnel //   


       Pssst ... they're almost all just cardboard cutouts now. There's only one part-time employee left at the UK border force, and their job is to go out at night and move the cut-outs around ...   

8th of 7, Jan 12 2019

       Oh, so the cardboard budget got approved after all?
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 12 2019

       Not as such, they're mostly repainted ones from when the police were downsized - they can't even afford cardboard cutouts any more.   

       The border force bloke had to steal the paint, because there was no money to pay for it, and got spotted by a checkout girl - but as there aren't any police any more, he got away with it. He was lucky - he's very slow now, not surprising they forced him to retire from his job at the school crossing patrol. He only does the border security thing to get out of the house and get some use out of his bus pass.
8th of 7, Jan 12 2019

       Sturton used to make very good money smuggling people from Wales into England. Eventually the locals cottoned on, but it was good while it lasted.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 12 2019

       One of his less unpleasant schemes; when people end up in wales often their first thought is to hide from the inhabitants lest they become dinner for the locals - a competent courier service to extract them safely and discreetly from their perilous situation is highly desirable.
8th of 7, Jan 13 2019

       //One of his less unpleasant schemes// Yes, well, you might want to try travelling in the inside pocket of Sturton's greatcoat before you say that.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 13 2019

       I don't understand this idea at all. If someone could explain it to me, that would be very much appreciated.
calum, Jan 14 2019

       ^ sighs   

       1) Currently people smuggle people from other countries into the UK (god knows why).   

       2) There are a lot of UK citizens in other countries, some working and some are retired.   

       3) The retirees (their pensions are paid in GBP) will suffer a greatly diminished income. So, instead of G&T's on the veranda, it's going to be just T, or not even that.   

       4) The only country in world where 1 GBP will still worth 1 GBP is... the UK.   

       5) Ergo, the pensioners will come home, and seeing as we have about 2 million out there, they will swamp the number of people being smuggled in from other countries. So, a net influx of our own people.   

       Do I have to do all the thinking around here? If so, god help the planet
not_morrison_rm, Jan 14 2019

       Yes, you do. There is no god. You're all doomed.
8th of 7, Jan 14 2019

       (^ pssst, you didn't quite get the Frazer out Dad's Army rolling r's)
not_morrison_rm, Jan 14 2019


       <Long, pointless, irrelevant rambling anecdote concerning the 'Wild an' lonely Isle o' Barra' />   

       <John Laurie>   

       <Rolls eyes/>   

       "Yerrrr aaaaaaallll DOOMED !"   

       </John Laurie>   

       How was that ?
8th of 7, Jan 14 2019

       Well, [8th] can certainly get his tongue round his r's.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 14 2019

       That was more than sufficient.   

       Now, back to the bagpipe drone...well it's well know bagpipes have one drone (and sometimes more) so the aerial bagpipe drone is merely a step away.   

       Apparently the Roman emperor Nero was a player of bagpipes, it all means something.
not_morrison_rm, Jan 14 2019

       // merely a step away //   

       In the sense that it should be placed on a hard surface and stamped on with heavy boots until it's reduced to splinters, yes.   

       // Nero was a player of bagpipes //   

       Given the innumerable accusations of depravity made about him, it's likely that "playing the bagpipes" was a euphemism for something utterly disgusting. It could not, for example, involve music, as music cannot be produced using bagpipes.   

       The only things that can be reliably produced using bagpipes are a splitting headache, a small but useful quantity of kindling in its own bag, and an irresistible compulsion to strangle the operator.
8th of 7, Jan 14 2019

       I really don't understand what you've got against bagpipes, [8th]. They can be absolutely beautiful en masse, approaching over the brow of a hill still damp from the morning's dew and kissed by the early sun.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 14 2019

       No hang on. Fallow deer. I was thinking of fallow deer.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 14 2019


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