Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Ironic noodles

Tape salad noodles with a winning number recorded on them
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Noodles are of course very cheap and commonly eaten by the poor. They are also somewhat like magnetic tape. Sell cheap flexible noodles, possibly pasta but in any case flexible in cassettes which can be boiled and eaten, thereby allowing cassette manufacturers to diversify into food now that their previous market has died. Video or audio is fine. Each packet of noodles comes with a voucher. Once one has collected roughly the same number of vouchers as there are days in the mean life expectancy, one can send them in and the manufacturer will send back a playback device consisting of a battery-powered cassette drive with two slots, one for VHS format cassettes, the other for compact audio cassettes, along with an instruction sheet telling the recipient to insert a noodle cassette into one of the slots. This then plays back automatically.

It turns out that all noodles of this kind contain an audio recording in the form of magnetised iron oxide particles, telling the listener to ring a free telephone number and give their name and address along with a serial number recorded on the noodle. When this is done, the manufacturer will send the purchaser a prodigious sum of money which is sufficient for them to live in comfort for their entire life.

Every noodle cassette contains this message.

nineteenthly, Aug 08 2012

Church of the FSM http://www.venganza.org/
[sqeaketh the wheel, Aug 09 2012]

[link]






       // When this is done...// If this is done for every noodle, will it not be financially untenable for the manufacturer?   

       Also, if these were sold under the name "Iron Oxide Noodles", would I then be able to sue the makers of Pot Noodle under the trades description act?
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 08 2012
  

       This makes me happy. Am recommending you for honours in the new year list, [nineteenthly].
calum, Aug 08 2012
  

       can you play them backwards? oh I see... or perhaps not...   

       "Turned out nice again."
po, Aug 08 2012
  

       Forgot to mention that nobody is told about what they'll receive if they send in the coupons or that there's a recording on the noodles.   

       You're quite right about the shattering, which is why they should probably be made of alginate, rice paper or just be floppy discs, which makes me wonder how much audio could be stored on a floppy if it was treated as if it were a cassette.
nineteenthly, Aug 09 2012
  

       I have only three questions: 1. Are these analog or digital noodles? 2. I thought religion was verboten on this forum. His Noodly Appendage will not be amused. <link> 3. I can't remember the third one.
sqeaketh the wheel, Aug 09 2012
  

       One: They're analogue. Furthermore, the tape machine is edible to some extent - runs on lime juice or something.   

       Two: Not if it's an electric religion.   

       Three: Because i couldn't remember the difference between ferric and ferrous.
nineteenthly, Aug 09 2012
  
      
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