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Kirk-free Star Trek remake

Helping make life a Kirk-free zone
  (+8, -2)
(+8, -2)
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An idea based on re-making the original Star Trek, but Kirk is never seen, or heard, at any point.

1) He may be on the bridge, but his face happens to be hidden by A) a pot-plant B)or a piano being moved, or C) any other convenient and opaque object, except mime artists.

Kirk is never heard to speak. 1) people may allude to what he said 2) they may reply to something they have heard in their ear-piece, but 3) he never get to speak directly.

This has two benefits.

1) The actor playing Kirk gets a lower salary, so saving money. 2) It'll cut out all those sappy love interest bits, and get on with the story.

not_morrison_rm, May 18 2012

Ahem Fishbone_20botnet
[not_morrison_rm, May 18 2012]

Ghastly. http://www.youtube....watch?v=KVI79PmIzFE
[Phrontistery, May 24 2012]

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       After reading this whole idea, I began to wonder if maybe Kirk was the only real person in the star trek universe, and the reset is just a fantasy he has dreamt up.   

       After all how else does he win so many fights or get so many space babes?
bob, May 18 2012

       //After all how else does he win so many fights or get so many space babes?   

       I suspect a conjunction of "script writers" and "I have the negatives" is the only possible explanation...
not_morrison_rm, May 18 2012

       // win so many fights //   

       In that respect, TNG is greatly superior to TOS. Captains do not leave their commands and go round engaging in gratuitous fisticuffs, or snogging local totty. They send a lieutenant. At least Locutus behaves like he's read the rulebook.   

       Captains go ashore only for diplomatic missions, or when the ship is safe in a friendly harbour. Jim Kirk would be cashiered for dereliction of duty part way through Episode 2.
8th of 7, May 18 2012

       No no no. Kirk was merely a man of his times. Back in Stardate 1312.4, the universe was one where men could be real men, women real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri could be real...oh, wrong series.   

       But, the salient swashbuckling point remains - Kirk was Francis Drake with his notes of mark. Picard was very much more a Nelson type (you can for example, imagine him finishing his bowls). And Archer? I know he was supposed to be even earlier, but I don't think that series quite pulled off what it was supposed to.
zen_tom, May 18 2012

       Jean-Luc is more like Admiral Sir John Rushworth Jellicoe; James T. does indeed have more of the Privateer/Bucanneer about him.   

       Jonathan Archer scores highly for having a cute dog.
8th of 7, May 18 2012

       Isn't that the endearing feature of Star Trek? The wonderfully absurd paradox of all the technology of the universe at your fingertips, yet every confrontation is resolved with a punch to the face of an alien. I love it! Kirk basically spends an entire television series exploring strange new worlds, seeking out new life and new civilizations, and boldly punching aliens that no man had punched before.
theleopard, May 18 2012

       For the best example of putting the Kirk(type) character in his place, read Cory Doctorow's "To Go Boldly". Hilarious.
AusCan531, May 18 2012

       Can we change Kirk's name to Wilson, and call it Space Improvement?
UnaBubba, May 18 2012

       //or snogging local totty. They send a lieutenant.   

       I'm not at all sure I would like to delegate my snogging of local totty to someone else...wouldn't that take all the fun out of it?
not_morrison_rm, May 18 2012

       //TNG is greatly superior to TOS. Captains do not leave their commands and go round engaging in gratuitous fisticuffs, or snogging local totty.//

I prefer my entertainment to be entertaining and that means lots of snogging & brawling. I don't want to watch a programme where the crew are all so insecure that they have to take a psychiatrist with them. If I want angst & moral dilemmas I can go and sit in at the next meeting of the Health & Safety Executive.

I want certainty and characters who are are happy to boldly, brashly & rashly go wherever the hell they please and damn the aliens that try to stop them. And that means James T. Kirk, every weekday night at 6 o'clock, forever! So there! Put that in your Cube and smoke it!

PS: I also think it means a fishbone for this idea but I think n_m_r is wavering about it anyway, based on his last anno.
DrBob, May 18 2012

       //n_m_r is wavering about it anyway,   

       No way, klingon.   

       Okay that doesn't rhyme..   

       "the Kirk must go, the Kirk must go"..<he mutters to hurriedly assembled pile of voodoo paraphernalia, waving rubber chicken..etc>   

       You can bone me, but you'll never take my liberty (to dislike Kirk)
not_morrison_rm, May 18 2012

       Never have I boned an idea so fast.... never! And I have created several fake accounts to help with more boneage. I have not even read the idea yet.
bungston, May 18 2012

       actually it is kind of clever. I rescind one of my bones. But it would be better done with Shakespeare, perhaps omitting Hamlet, or Henry.
bungston, May 18 2012

       shocked! [bungston] LOL   

       btw I notice there is only one fishy attached here...
po, May 18 2012

       //created several fake accounts to help with more boneage   

       Egads, a weapon of Mass Bone-age...
not_morrison_rm, May 18 2012

       HalfBakery Viagra … ?
8th of 7, May 18 2012

       Meanwhile, back at the ranch..to be honest I'm just building on pre-existing technology, I refer to Plan 9 from Outer Space, with Bela Lugosi..and/or Waiting for Godot... standing on the shoulders of giants etc. Dontcherknow.   

       <wonders...if we take it that bungston is a pseudonym..then the bungston account is a fake account, but it is the original fake account, and the others would be the fake fake accounts..erm..hang on>   

       See Fishbone botnet link..ahem
not_morrison_rm, May 18 2012

       I remember reading an excerpt from a psychology thesis which compared Kirk's relationship to his senior crew to the ego's relationship to the various aspects of a human character, the rational (Spock) the emotional (McCoy) and the pragmatic (Scotty) in order to achieve the goal of a well-balanced human.   

       I have no idea if they ever passed their degree.
wagster, May 19 2012

       With the ability to spin bullshit of such elegant quality, I'd say they were a shoe-in.
Alterother, May 19 2012

       You could do a Star Trek / Fight Club type of story where it turns out Kirk is just a manifestation of Spock's human half.
tatterdemalion, May 19 2012

       You mean...he isn't?
not_morrison_rm, May 22 2012

Voice, May 23 2012

       Kirk -Schmirk [+]
xandram, May 23 2012

       // a manifestation of Spock's human half //   

       <desperately re-reads all extant annos looking for an opportunity to use the "Final Front Ear" pun>
8th of 7, May 23 2012

       <desperately re-reads all extant annos looking for an opportunity to use the "Final Front Ear" pun>   

       Go on, you know you want to do it..oh.   

       I was just thinking I can't actually imagine the crew doing the Spartacus bit and all stand up going "No, I'm Kirk". I'm guessing they'd, as one (wo)man , all just point him out to slighted aliens as they say "Take back what you said about my mother!!!" (apologies to Douglas Adams)
not_morrison_rm, May 23 2012


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