Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The phrase 'crumpled heap' comes to mind.

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Kung Fu Twister Kit

kng f, kng, gng, in a crate
  [vote for,

The ultimate birthday surprise has to be hearing the doorbell "ding a ling" on that special morning.

First inspection reveals a large hardy wooden crate upon your doorstep.

With effort you can drag the crate. (Avoiding paintwork and mantels through the front door and into the living room.)

Unlatch the crate's buckles, all four wooden sides of the crate fall to the floor with a dusty slam.

Through all the bubblewrap you find the contents and instruction manual which reads...

1: Clear a large empty square room of any obstacles and furniture and ensure that there is sufficient power supply points.

2: Contents-

An elaborate Kung Fu outfit complete with 16 feet of red silky ribbon and a mask.

One large roll out wood stained vinyl carpet.

Four 16:9 Widescreen wall mountable plasma television screens.

One high definition multiplayer DVD system.

A home entertainment system complete with twin sub-speakers with integrated bass-pipes.

Four DVD movies consisting of: Crouching Tiger, Drunken Master 2, Enter The Dragon and Butterfly and The Sword.

Four Kung Fu colour coded pressure pad twister mats, complete with cables. (The mats which must be placed upon the vinyl carpet and placed opposite each plasma screen)

A pair of gloves to wear and fly paper to attach to the walls.

3: Connect the entertainment system and plasma screens to the Kung Fu mats.Press play and proceed to Kung Fu twist to the DVDs.

Practice your moves by coordinating each mat,by leaping from one dotted mat to the other.

As you leap and land in time to the different moves upon the screens within each corner of the room, the pressure pads will signal various "Thwacks" , "Swoosh" and "Yeeearrrgh" through the HIFI system.

I can't wait to use the gloves and flypaper to sweep the walls.

skinflaps, Feb 25 2005

Some moves to get you started http://www.gungfu.u.../images/twister.jpg
[skinflaps, Feb 25 2005]

From Dusk Till Dawn http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116367/
The main action takes place in a strip club called the 'Titty Twister' (re:f Afro's anno). [DrBob, Feb 28 2005]


       It sounds like so much fun. Plus you would get a good cardio workout, and a lot of stored up frustration released at objects in your house, that really piss you off. (Loud cranky fridge, you could lurch at it, and stick sideways to it and spit on it, for a bad example).   

       I would also like my performance to be videotaped, so that I could vary my routine from day to day.
blissmiss, Feb 25 2005

       I would also like my performance to be videotaped, so that I could show my friends how much of a kung fu guru I'm not. [+]
yabba do yabba dabba, Feb 25 2005

       I'm sure amongst all that bubblewrap, we could fit a video camera in there somewhere.
skinflaps, Feb 26 2005

       Your ideas are always entertaining, [skinflaps]. I would definitely want to try this one out.
Machiavelli, Feb 26 2005

       When you can twister upon a rice paper mat without leaving a trace your training is complete.   

       I dunno, silent fridge: just cost me $200 in food & I'm on just above poverty level income.   

       I did have at that time extensive Kung Fu VHS library. (How could I afford it? How could I not? I lived in the ghetto see.) :Result?: Noticably dented Fridge.   

       Reaction: Apartment staff removes & replaces fridge & destroys irreplacible Native American Artifact.   

       I decide I must stop watching so much Kung Fu before it all spins out of control.
Zimmy, Feb 27 2005

       [Machiavelli] So would I   

       [zimmy] This idea is a gift upon your doorstep.No need to kick the shit outa your fridge.
skinflaps, Feb 27 2005

       I pictured a tornado that sweeps up kung fu practicioners.
MrDaliLlama, Feb 28 2005

       I keep reading this as "Kung Fu Titty Twister Kit."

"Grasshoppa, snatch nipple from hand!"
AfroAssault, Feb 28 2005

       Oooooooooooooooooooh, he-yaaaaaaaaah!
DrBob, Feb 28 2005


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