Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Lifestyle Grudge Match

Let's do this ....
  (+2, -4)
(+2, -4)
  [vote for,

A one-off contest (for reasons that will later become obvious) between followers of two diametrically-opposed lifestyles.

On one side, the massed ranks of petrolheads, bikers, NRA members, climate sceptics, Japanese harpooners, and the generally politically incorrect. This side would have a rigidly heirarchical and disciplined structure, and lead by a loud-mouthed opinionated bigot (Jeremy Clarkson is the current nominee) driving a huge, noisy, smelly motor vehicle towing a fracking drill . They would be dressed in leather, wear huge boots, drink copious amounts of beer, munch pies, and be armed with ... well, pretty much anything; swords, machine guns, tanks, flamethrowers, close air support, pointed sticks, curare-tipped crossbow bolts and intermediate range ballistic missiles.

Opposing them are the environmentalists and vegetarians, dressed in linen trousers and wearing sandals made from organic hemp, carrying pails of their own home-knitted goats-milk yoghurt, copies of the Guardian, and wielding hand-woven flax banners with "Peace" and "Love" and "No Nukes" finger-painted on to them in organic woad dye by physically challenged deaf autistic chimpanzees rescued from vivisection labs. They would be accompanied by numerous dirty, grizzling barefoot snot-streaked children and a variety of domestic and domesticated animals.

They have a non-heirarchical consensus leadership with no one individual in control, essentially an anarchosyndicalist commune where the members take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week, but all the decision of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting - by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs, but by a two-thirds majority in the case of external issues.

The contest consists of two thirty-minute sessions with a ten minute break between. The contest is over when either (a) the two thirty minute periods have expired, at which time the judges will decide on a "points" basis, or (b) one side or the other has expended all their fuel and ammunition, or (c) all the competitors on one side are either incapable of further voluntary movement or are dead.

The winning side is the one with the most players still able to stand upright without hanging on to something.

Let the entertainment commence !

8th of 7, Oct 11 2015


       I figured this was you by the middle of the third paragraph.   

       I have a problem, though. On the one hand, I like pies and alcohol, think fracking is probably a sensible idea and would like to see more nuclear reactors. I also think climate change is basically a huge load of bollocks which arose by posing the question "What do you think is the most important field of study in terms of the survival of the human race" to a bunch of weather forecasters. No doubt if we had asked a group of mycologists the same question, we would now be spending trillions on protecting the planet from killer moulds.   

       However, I am strongly opposed to Japanese harpooning. Yes, they were pretty nasty in the 1940s, but harpooning is a barbaric way to get revenge, and they do make nice sushi. I also quite like linen, particularly for sheets, pillow-covers and summer lounge suits.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 11 2015

       // harpooning is a barbaric way to get revenge, //   

       No ptoblem. just net them, then shut them up in a room, and make them watch end-to-end re-runs of The X Factor.   

       // I also quite like linen //   

       The winning side gets to strip the corpses.
8th of 7, Oct 11 2015

       if 'twere that easy.   

       I ran some numbers the other day: the average person consumes 20-30kcal of energy per day: that's about 12MJ. A gallon of gas is about 36MJ. So, if everybody in the world drives 30-40 miles a day, the effective population, CO2-wise isn't 7billion, it's more like 30 billion.   

       Anyways, I like beer, blowing things up and solid boots as well as the next guy. But the "other side" supplies my camomile tea, and I rather like domestic animals... some preferably accompanied by charcoal, of course.   

       Can't we just pit the harpooners against the anti-nukes and deniers ?
FlyingToaster, Oct 11 2015

       I would pay a dollar to see that, and I might even buy the harpooners a drink afterwards.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 11 2015

       The problem with killing those who disagree with you is that, per the Golden Rule, you essentially say it is OK for you to be killed by others who disagree with you. You may now examine the broad sweep of History to see the consequences of that attitude.
Vernon, Oct 11 2015

       We see dead people ...
8th of 7, Oct 11 2015

       //The problem with killing those who disagree with you is that, per the Golden Rule, you essentially say it is OK for you to be killed by others who disagree with you.//   

       That's a prime example of the logical error known in law as 'rete inter omines ad arvicolinae'. Killing someone else does not imply that you are equally happy for them to kill you. Often the contrary is true.   

       The trick is to do your killing before they do theirs.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 11 2015

       [MaxwellBuchanan], I specified the Golden Rule for a reason. It specifically encourages you to treat others as you want to be treated. So, if you kill others, you must want to be killed, right?
Vernon, Oct 11 2015

       I object. Being science-deniers, the first group only gets to use weapons and modes of transport that haven't been the result of some level of scientific study, ie. blunt objects.
RayfordSteele, Oct 11 2015

       They don't deny the science; they just don't care what it says.
8th of 7, Oct 12 2015

       //So, if you kill others, you must want to be killed, right?// I'm pretty sure that is not the case. Most people who kill others have no real intention of being killed themselves.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 12 2015

       // //So, if you kill others, you must want to be killed, right?//
I'm pretty sure that is not the case. Most people who kill others have no real intention of being killed themselves.//

       "Oooh - you hipocrite!"
One side's going to scorn the other to death.
Loris, Oct 12 2015

       [MaxwellBuchanan], obviously there are folks who are not interested in paying attention to the Golden Rule (or who are hypocrites about it). Nevertheless, there is plenty of Precedent, regarding the Law and the punishment-killing of killers. All to encourage folks to think that, most of the time, the Golden Rule is a quite- reasonable guideline for social interactions.   

       Are you aware that most things labeled "crimes" are directly the result of selfish behavior? The criminal in- essence acts as if thinking, "What **I** want is more important than what anyone else wants!" When the tendency for toddlers to think that is not discouraged, the results are spoiled brats, juvenile delinquents, hardened criminals, and terrorists.
Vernon, Oct 12 2015

       [Vernon], I shall henceforth be relying on you for all philosophical advice.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 12 2015

       The discussion's going the right way ... a couple more annotations and someone's going to bring in Hitler.
8th of 7, Oct 13 2015

       [8th of 7], please accept my apologies for leaving "megalomaniacal dictators" off the list I presented in another annotation.
Vernon, Oct 13 2015

       You are forgiven. But only this one time, mind ... we don't want to set any dangerous precedents ...   

       // "Oooh - you hipocrite!" //   

       Hipocracy is only a problem when other people do it.
8th of 7, Oct 13 2015

       The environmentalists can win by convincing the meanies to calm down, using certain medication in the water, fighting non-lethal weapons, shooting pain darts and jailing offenders in non violence classes sometimes accompanied by biological preventive action.
pashute, Oct 15 2015

       // The environmentalists can win //   

       That's good stuff you're smoking there, man, where do yoy get it ?
8th of 7, Oct 16 2015

       [8th], could you not harness all that vigorous hate to something a bit more ... *inventive* than "line up a whole lot of people I don't like and kill them"? [-]
pertinax, Oct 17 2015

       Well, possibly ... but it would have to be at least as entertaining and satisfying.
8th of 7, Oct 17 2015


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