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Magnetophonic Tesla Coil Bowls

It liiives!
  [vote for,

Bowls, as a sport (ather than as a receptacles) is hugely popular participation sport as it provides the increasingly decrepit with an excuse for leaving nagging and now unloved spouses. As a spectacle, though, bowls falls short of, say the moguls or Circus Cannon Jousting. So I propose to jazz it up.

First, coat the bowls in some hardy metal and modify them and the "green" in such a way as to include a very mild magnetophonic element in each, such that as the bowl is rolled towards the jack, an eerie, keyless wailing is emitted. Second, and previously, once the glow-in-the-dark jack has come to a complete stop, a huge throbbling, crackling Tesla coil is lowered from the ceiling, to hang about six inches above. As each bowl nears the jack and coil, squealing great fingers of lightening will reach out and blast at the approaching orb.

Dim the lights to near pitch black and bowls becomes a Hammer Horror experience, with unsettling noises a-throb and a-wail, flashbangs of arcing electricity illuminating the twin banks of ashen faced, skeletal wrinklies spectating, all wearing matching white-rimmed 1950s shades.

(Obviously, there are other sports that could be improved with these technologies but I thought it best to start here).

calum, May 29 2006

Magnetophonic Chess-Set Magnetophonic_20Chess-Set
by zen_tom. [calum, May 29 2006]

Bowls http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bowls
for those deprived of the protection of Her Majesty's Commonwealth. [calum, May 29 2006]


       (+) as long as the discharges also stop pacemakers.
ConsulFlaminicus, May 29 2006

       Must be another one of those foreign British terms. What are 'bowls' exactly, for us 'Mericans?'
RayfordSteele, May 29 2006

       Apologies. See link.
calum, May 29 2006

       what was that australian movie, "Cracker" i think? that's were my working knowledge of bowls comes from.   

       don't you think that this addition will drive away the core bowling demographic?
tcarson, May 29 2006

calum, May 29 2006

       [tcarson], movie you're talking about: "crackerjack".
xaviergisz, May 29 2006

       man. I'm really for magnetophonic tesla anything. Bravo.
epicproblem, May 30 2006

       Dr Moreaux would take great pleasure in this game, though he might relinquish his white-rimmed shades in preference for a pair of octagonal, wire-rimmed crystal spectacles.
zen_tom, May 30 2006

       I read this as Magnetophonic Tesla Coil Bowels, but this idea is WAY better than that.   

       How's this going to work for outdoor bowls?
salachair, May 30 2006

       Play it at NIGHT!
calum, May 30 2006

       Sorry, I miss-read ...Bowels [+] (sp. Rather)
Dub, May 31 2006

       //with unsettling noises a-throb and a-wail// I'm sold.
zigness, May 31 2006

       I’d like to see this idea modified and used in the forthcoming World Soccer Games, as a variant of the golden goal (or whatever it is this time round) rule.   

       This would involve:   

       All players (not the ref – he’d also get to wear rubber shoes) wearing a tinfoil hat. The aforementioned “huge throbbing, crackling Tesla coil” would be lowered from the stadium roof and would be allowed to swing about. The game would continue to be played but the coil would ZAP players (non lethally*) through their hats at random intervals, causing less players to be on the pitch. Eventually one of the teams would score and win, or an entire team would be stunned into immobility and have to forfeit the game.   

       *well, not really.
evildoctorwang, Jun 01 2006

       IS it me or are ideas here becoming increasingly difficult to understand? I swear the last 10 ideas I've read I had absolutely no idea what the person was trying to convey!
EvilPickels, Jun 01 2006


       Common or garden bowls, as described in the wikipedia link above but (a) the bowls themselves are magnetophonic and (b) there is a fucking big tesla coil at one end, zapping the shit out of the bowls, the TV crews, the spectators.
calum, Jun 01 2006


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