Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Monster scanner

A confidence enhancer for kids
  (+29, -2)(+29, -2)(+29, -2)
(+29, -2)
  [vote for,

This scanner is actually a fake. That is it won't scan for monsters in the dark because, as we all know, there are no monster... right?

Ok, anyway, this would be a bogus device designed with a lot of style. It would have a color LCD, a 360º rotating military style light enhancer camera and a periscope-like flash. Whenever the kid felt discomfortable with the dark he would press the panic button. The periscope would elevate and the flash would suddenly light the room. This would be called the monster zapper and would supposedly scare off monsters... or kill them, whatever works better for your kid. Then the camera would do a 360º sweep of the room that would be shown in the color LCD. While the sweep was in progress there would be a red blinking message saying "scanning for monsters...". At the end of the sweep there would be a message saying "Area cleared. No monster in sight.". And finally while the device disconnected itself it would say "Sleep tight, soldier", with a sargeant's voice. A sweet one.

PauloSargaco, Jul 14 2005

Sold in conjunction with. Boogieman_20Forensics_20Kit
Phoenix's classic. [2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jul 14 2005]

monster zap https://itunes.appl...477048048?ls=1&mt=8
[bs0u0155, Apr 28 2013]


       This is a great idea! Sounds a bit over-engineered. I doubt any parent would pay £200+ ($400) for the fully functioning digital version. Most toys I had as a kid were moulded from plastic and the screen was just a sticker. They worked just as well and you could sell it for £15 ($30). You still get a big bun from me, as I like the idea...[+}
Minimal, Jul 14 2005

       All your monster are belong to us. [+]
david_scothern, Jul 14 2005

       Speaking as a Child who used to run full pelt to the toilet at night for fear of the monsters I love it. definite [+] Have a pastry
The_Englishman_Abroad, Jul 14 2005

       //or kill them, whatever works better for your kid// Won't the kid get suspicious because of the lack of a body?
coprocephalous, Jul 14 2005

       Speaking as a 29 year old librarian who still worries that monsters will come out from under the couch and grab her ankles, I love it, too.
salachair, Jul 14 2005

       [copro] Just tell the kid that this device achieves total desintegration. No body, total anihilation, atoms scattered all over the universe. Just works for monsters, though.
PauloSargaco, Jul 14 2005

       The periscope flash sounds like the device from men in black. Perhaps that could be used to make the child forget about the monster altogether. [+] also.
hidden truths, Jul 14 2005

       //Just tell the kid that this device achieves total desintegration// Lying to a child? That would be awful.
Simply tell the child that monsters do not exist, and whilst you're at it, deny the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. They'll thank you for it in later life. [EDIT] And don't forget the tooth fairy.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Jul 14 2005

       // This would be called the monster zapper and would supposedly scare off monsters... or kill them, whatever works better for your kid.//   

       It works best for my kids if I tell them there’s no such thing as monsters. I like the scanner part, though. “See, it never finds one.”
Shz, Jul 14 2005

       OH man! [+]
daseva, Jul 14 2005

       i find a handful of sleeping pills works great on them.
etherman, Jul 14 2005

       Hey! [ethermans]'s back! Woo-hoo! School *must* be out.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Jul 14 2005

       What happens when a real monster shows up? Must I call the Ghostbusters as usual?
DocBrown, Jul 14 2005

       // “See, it never finds one.” //   

       and the kid would reply   

       "That's because it's broken!!!"
PauloSargaco, Jul 14 2005

       Hmmm. It would need a hidden mechanism for tripping the monster alarm next time the panic button is pushed. “It works fine, sweetie.” <tosses gator in room> “Push it now.”… “See? Now go back to sleep.”
Shz, Jul 14 2005

       Ha! You won't feel so smug when the batteries run out and your kid gets eaten by all those tricky little monsters that have been hiding in the corners, just waiting for the right moment to pounce.
DrBob, Jul 14 2005

       whats absinthe said & insert T.E.A. into [ ].   

       school's not out yet, is it etherman?
po, Jul 14 2005

       What happens when your precocious child rewires it into a parent disintegrator?
wagster, Jul 14 2005

       [po] What does T.E.A mean? And yes, school probably is out where [etherman] is.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Jul 14 2005

       What sort of panic would the little half wit be in when the monster detector wasnt near? ie school trips, sleeping in church etc. Could cause a monster detector addiction issue. Do they come smaller and smaller sizes so the can at least whean themselves off when their in their thirties? How abou patches or gum?? or better still a gun.
Prolixed, Jul 15 2005

       [T.E.A.] - The Englishman Abroad if I'm not mistaken.
david_scothern, Jul 15 2005

       [DrBob] Did I forget to mention that this comes with a transformer? You can connect it to the plug. When the power's out, then you can use the batteries.   

       [Prolixed] Isn't it pretty much the same with the teddy bear or his favorite blanket? They eventually grow out of it. At least I hope so. I still wonder how can my son hold to that polar blanket he loves even during the summer.
PauloSargaco, Jul 15 2005

       [Prolixed] is right...definitely guns for children. And shooting at things in the dark that turn out to be sweaters on chairs.
normzone, Jul 15 2005

       I recall reading about a fellow who supplied his child with a virtual pistol for use against nightmare monsters. He and the boy spent an afternoon blowing things away with a damn big pistol. Although it was kept locked up, its spirit accompanied the child into the night, and they destroyed the monsters.
baconbrain, Jul 18 2005

       // He and the boy spent an afternoon blowing things away with a damn big pistol. //   

       Kinda like in Meet Patch Adams, with the crazy guy and the squirrels?
froglet, Jul 18 2005

       How about a Roomba-based version?
smendler, Apr 27 2013

       [prolixed] I'd suggest an app for a smartphone, with the "monster detector" being some manner of peripheral that plugs into the phone via audio jack or USB or something. Have the flashing lights and radar- like display and jiggly oscilloscope stuff displayed on the screen; give the peripheral the rotating dish and stuff.   

       These days, it's looking like this generation of kids is going to ALWAYS have smartphones with them.
Hive_Mind, Apr 27 2013

       Didn't someone try this recently for bomb detectors?
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 28 2013

       baked <link>
bs0u0155, Apr 28 2013


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