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Mortal Terror Alarm Clock

Whit? Whassat noise? Who's there? help!
  (+6, -1)
(+6, -1)
  [vote for,

Alarm clock has four large, powerful hi-fi speakers at the ends of the room.

The clock has a library of ambient noises, each carefully designed to trigger instant state of alertness and panic in a sleeping human.

Each morning a different sound is played

Clock can download new libraries to avoid repeating sounds.

Suggested sounds are: wasp entering through window, wolf, tiger etc.; burglars moving around downstairs; police breaking down door; etc.

pocmloc, May 31 2011

Shredder Clock http://www.wetheurb...-the-shredder-clock
[calum, Jun 02 2011]

For rcarty Oral_20Sex_20Alarm_20Clock
[calum, Jun 02 2011]

for calum Wake_20Up_20Corpse
[Voice, Jun 02 2011]

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       Incoming shell, jet engine at full power ... [+]
8th of 7, May 31 2011

       Margaret Thatcher...
not_morrison_rm, May 31 2011

       "We need to talk."
mouseposture, May 31 2011

       Sound of Vogon Construction Fleet ships.
RayfordSteele, May 31 2011

       The noises don't have to be loud. Muffled footfalls, pistol uncocked, sword being pulled from sheath, terrified whisper, earthquake rumble, sound of a fire
Voice, May 31 2011

       Barely audible twitch of a rattlesnake's rattle...
8th of 7, May 31 2011

       Better than the Palestinian alarm clock.
Alterother, May 31 2011

       I thought he meant me, and yes, I have. Laid up with broken bones and the remote in easy reach. Wish I was outside, coming up with new hare-brained wacky inventions.
Alterother, May 31 2011

       Alarm clocks don't actually work as a means of getting you out of bed. They work as a means of making you realise that it is time that you were getting out of bed. Making the alarm element of the alarm clock more alarming doesn't actually address the crucial second feet-on-tatami step. That's not to denigrate this otherwise fine idea - it is, within the limits of alarm clockeriness, good. But we need to recognise that for an alarm clock to do what we assume it does (rather than what it actually does), it has to have some other functionality. To this end, I am working on a prototype clock which will perhaps occasionally, or perhaps every morning, place in your bed a cadaver in a user-specified state of putrescence, to fully incentivise bed exit.   

       In the meantime, here is an alternative solution (link).
calum, Jun 02 2011

       I'm tired of alarm clocks. I want a clock that will induce other feelings as well when I want them, not just mild fear and panic, although those are great. Why not a joy clock or even a sadness clock?
rcarty, Jun 02 2011

       Being cursed with extremely good hearing, my morning is already like this.
normzone, Jun 02 2011

       //Why not a joy clock or even a sadness clock?/ <link>
calum, Jun 02 2011

       Really, the alarm clock ought to have a dial, so that the degree of discomfort and fear on waking can be preset. So, the dial could be turned from "Zen-like calmness" to "Mild sense of apprehension", through "Slight anxiety", "Dismay" and "Worry", to "Alarm", "Panic" and finally "Mortal Dread".
hippo, Jun 02 2011

       Oh God no!
gnomethang, Jun 02 2011

       Re Voice's link: Haha, cripes! I can only claim (unconvincingly) that I hadn't seen that one!
calum, Jun 02 2011

       As a side-effect when you hear an actual emergency you automatically reach over and pound the person next to you on the noggin.
FlyingToaster, Jun 02 2011


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