Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Almost as great as sliced bread.

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Nasal ATM

False nose money dispenser
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(+3, -1)
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A device that is made up of a medium to large sized false nose useful for the conveyance of money.

The device has many parts, one is a voice recognition system to understand the amount of money you wish to dispense. Another part is a prismatic periscope, which we shall come to later.

The dispenser has a series of actuators, which control the flow of coins and banknotes, so when you say £2.99 it knows to dispense the appropriate amount of money, via the nostrils in the false nose, for example notes through the left nostril and coins through the right.

Aha, I hear you say. but what about electronic money? Indeed this is where nose ATM comes into it's own, simply press the nose up against the paypoint and the onboard electronics take care of it.

It also has a handy barcode scanner concealed in the tip, so simply run the product over the end and it'll do a web-based best price search for you. As early field trials of this function in a lingerie store did produce an element of misunderstanding, for some inexplicable reason, the nose can also provide a list of good lawyers in the area.

And finally, you're wondering how to top up? When pressed against a conventional ATM, a magnetic strip is inserted into the ATM, with your bank details. As you will then the pressing your nose against the machine the prism telescope enables your to see the 20 centimeters to the left in order to type in the correct PIN number, and the nose will reload itself with the cash.

Available in unisex, flesh tones, Burberry check, Hello Kitty and XX size for the dedicated shopper.

not_morrison_rm, Apr 02 2012

in the works... http://www.funnypic.../pics/ocdnwgck.html
[xandram, Apr 02 2012]

Carp Talk magazine http://www.carptalk...g&id=105&Itemid=316
..also very similar to Carpal Tunnel Talk, but not quite [not_morrison_rm, Apr 03 2012]


       Given that nearly all banknotes have at some point been used to get cocaine up someone's nose, it's rather fitting that they should be dispensed from someone else's.
angel, Apr 02 2012

po, Apr 02 2012

       [angel]!! without the beans!!
xandram, Apr 02 2012

       I'm amazed that no one's gone for the "paying through the nose" line yet. So, I had to do it myself. You can't get the staff etc...<falls asleep in the club with a copy of Carp Talk over his face>   

       Blast, deleted the "this hurts me more than it hurts you" notion as it didn't seem to going anywhere, and then realised the perfect application - when I'm at the dentists!
not_morrison_rm, Apr 03 2012

FlyingToaster, Apr 03 2012


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