h a l f b a k e r y
Veni, vedi, fish velocipede
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Here's what you get:
One portable, fold up stove, that looks
a pile of half burnt wood, but carefully
conceals a mantle, connected with a bark
encrusted hose to a gas bottle which is in
turn disguised as a small boulder.
Two fire starting twigs, which, when
rubbed together, activate
crystal causing a large spark to leap off
into your "stove".
Cutlery in the form of ceramic knives and
forks that look like razor edged flints and
Easy-clean teflon coated, stiffened fabric
plates, made to look like large leaves.
Pre-cooked range of "Food-Fit for
Meals Ready to Roast.
Primeval noises of the forest soundtrack
to play whilst
dragging your partner backwards by the
dinner, using the reinforced "Easy-Pull"
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||Absolutely pointless. [+]
||Also one pre-hobbled pig to hunt.
||Um, why not use *real* razor edge flints...? In fact, I'd take this all one step back - sanitized primitive implements.
||After all, banana leaves are widely used as plates in India and points east - no need for plates that look like leaves.
||Banana leaves and no eating utensils at all. Indonesian take-out, and damned good.
||Note - this product is now available in a Flintstone Brexit version, featuring red white and blue flames, and is fully endorsed by the UKs Trump Moron equivalent aka Bonkers Boris.
||Easily remarketed as US or french versions.
||This seems baked by most American food.