Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Title changed. Thanks for the suggestion, 2 Fries!
(+2, -2)
  [vote for,

"Baby, I'd do you even if you were dead!"

Attractive females must hear that line a lot. I've heard it said a lot. I hear guys say it about female celebrities all the time. "Dude, I'd do her even if she was dead!" I've also heard some other guys say they'd pay a lot of money to violate certain celebrities' corpses.

What's even worse is that there are a lot of guys out there who really would have sex with a freshly-dead woman. I'm sure many of them really would be willing to pay large sums of money to do it, too. It seems to me that this could be a potential goldmine for attractive females. Any time a guy says that to her, she asks him if he'd be willing to pay for an hour with her corpse in the event of her untimely death. If he's willing to pay, they agree on a price, sign a binding contract, and he pays then and there. Then, in the event of her untimely death, he gets a phonecall, hurries to the morgue, and cashes in on the hour he paid for.

A girl could sell as many contracts as she wants and get rich doing it. If a hundred guys show up at the morgue and start fighting over it, what does she care? She's dead!

A girl could potentially make even more money by advertising herself online.

21 Quest, May 07 2009

zombie hooker nightmare http://www.adultswi...mbiehookernightmare
[jaksplat, May 08 2009]

Ya pays yer money, and ya takes yer chance http://madcycles.us...ayimage.php?pid=346
[normzone, May 08 2009]

Don't know why I didn't remember this sooner... http://sexylosers.com/007.html
Great webcomic about a necrophiliac [normzone, May 09 2009]

Anyone heard of dolcett art? http://dolcettgirls.com/
Here is another variation.. the two could be combined! [xkuntay, May 15 2009]

Steward Home: necrocard http://www.stewarth...llery/necrocard.jpg
Not sold, donated. [jutta, Sep 25 2009]


       necrophilia has a very close association with murder and rape. Anything that encourages necrophiliacs to commit also encourages a small fraction that will eventually commit murder, or rape.
WcW, May 07 2009


       I wouldn't have looked but I thought this was insurance against a corpse being violated. This isn't Necrophilia Insurance, this is Necrophiliostitution! and that's just...well, it just needs to be weeded out of the gene pool is what. Along with Pedophiliostitution and a bunch of other sick shit.


       I don't do this much but

       <{[( (-) )>{[   

       In an on-line discussion about the market value of the chemicals in a human body, I mentioned necrophiliacs and money. I was roundly castigated.

       The title is deceptive. Is "tontine" a better word?
baconbrain, May 08 2009

       The girl that sell that insurance should be very careful because the buyer will want to get what he paid for as soon as possible, before he dies, or before her body gets old.

       She will have many necrophiles wanting her dead.
canoro, May 08 2009

       Actually, it is Necrophilia Insurance, 2 Fries. It's insurance for the Necrophile, and the woman selling it is the agent. But I'll change the title, since it seems nobody understood that. My other idea for a title was Worry-Free Prostitution.
21 Quest, May 08 2009

       //"Baby, I'd do you even if you were dead!"\\ //"Dude, I'd do her even if she was dead!"\\

       I have never ever heard anybody say things like that and I have never thought it myself. I really advise you to stop associating with people who do.
zeno, May 08 2009

       What [zeno] said, and [marked-for-deletion] gross-out humor
hippo, May 08 2009

       I didn't realise this was such a problem - necrophilia insurance might be a counter-proposal to the idea posted and in turn for a monthly premium, a security guard is employed to ensure that the unmentionable doesn't happen until such time as your body deteriorates to a level that will no longer support violation - it might also serve to deter those who might otherwise choose to dance on your grave.

       Plus, what [hippo] and [zeno] said; people who suggest that they'd engage in sexual relations with the recently deceased have probably not thought their priorities through to conclusion - and, if provided the "opportunity", might balk at the actuality of the deed itself - at least, that's what we can hope.
zen_tom, May 08 2009

       People sell their bodies for medical purposes after death. I like the idea, but i can see several issues with it.
The chances of dying would be quite small unless someone had a terminal disease or was suicidal, so it's like saying "please kill me" to some people. Also, it's quite unlikely.
The body couldn't be so easily used for medical purposes after the necrophile had had a go at it.
It could be distressing to friends and relatives.
I can think of a way round both of these by restricting the people who can do this to the terminally ill. That way, the necrophile doesn't have to wait so long, so the temptation to murder is a lot weaker, and the body is less useful for transplants. Also, the "donor" gets to be wealthy just before they die.
Are you envisaging this as applying to corpses or to brain-dead bodies on life support?
nineteenthly, May 08 2009

       //Are you envisaging this as applying to...brain-dead bodies on life support?//

Á la 'Kill Bill' presumably?

It is interesting how people react to the concept of necrophilia, isn't it! Apparently putting body parts of live people into dead people (necrophilia)is unacceptable, but putting body parts of dead people into live ones (organ donatian) is perfectly fine. Having said that though, I have to echo what zen_tom said that hippo said that zeno said!
DrBob, May 08 2009

       Not brain-dead. Completely dead. And I seriously doubt *most* guys would actually go through with the act.
21 Quest, May 08 2009

       21, did anyone ever tell you you were strange? Or have strange thoughts?
blissmiss, May 08 2009

       This is fucked up.
tatterdemalion, May 08 2009

       // I hear guys say it about female celebrities all the time. //

       What [zeno] said. You need new friends.
nomocrow, May 08 2009

       These aren't friends of mine, they're coworkers and barflies.
21 Quest, May 08 2009

       Actually, all people seem to get paid for right now after they're dead is being a skeleton or a cadaver for medical students. The market could be a lot bigger than that. For instance, they could be made into hatstands, sliced up and scanned before being turned into a three dimensional model and so forth. A close friend of a friend was turned into a diamond, apparently, but someone had to pay for the privilege. You would at least think that if you provided the corpse, i.e. the carbon, you'd get a discount.
nineteenthly, May 08 2009

       Yeah, what with carbon prices going to the roof lately.
jutta, May 08 2009

       " If a hundred guys show up at the morgue and start fighting over it, what does she care? "

       So, this is really more like a necrophilia lottery? Or, to put it less tactfully (link).
normzone, May 08 2009

       It's like a lottery only so far as the necrophile hopes the girl's body will still be in useable condition after her death. It's a gamble, because she might be hideously mangled in a particularly nasty car crash, or incinerated in a house fire. Perhaps she'll be on a cruise ship that sinks somewhere in the mid-Atlantic and be lost at sea and never recovered. Or perhaps she outlives the necrophile. If she plays her cards right, she might have used a fake ID for the contract, and as soon as she rounds the corner he never sees or hears from her again. A few deft evasive manuevers, a change of clothes and a wig in a large public restroom or department store changing room, and a backdoor exit, and she's safe and he's out a boat-load of money. A girl could use this scheme to scam sickos out of their money, and they never get to do anything with her corpse. There's all kinds of ways to make money with this. Like any kind of insurance scam, it's risky, of course. But a girl could make a lot of money at this.
21 Quest, May 08 2009

       I haven't been able to keep this sentence from popping into my head today until I acknowleged it.

       //Apparently putting body parts of live people into dead people (necrophilia)is unacceptable, but putting body parts of dead people into live ones (organ donatian) is perfectly fine.//

       One promotes life, the other exalts death.
Two sides, same coin.

       Well hey, if people are gonna die anyway, why not provide an outlet for folks who will otherwise violate other corpses anyway without permission, and make some money on the side? It's win-win!
21 Quest, May 08 2009

       Briefly taking this seriously (perhaps unwisely), 21 Quest, have you considered that this provides your target customers with an incentive to murder?

       That's not a great leap for someone who would pay for the right to screw a corpse.
tatterdemalion, May 08 2009

       Definitely unwise to take this seriously ;-)

       If police suspect foul play, an autopsy is performed. If she was intentionally killed, the contract is void.
21 Quest, May 08 2009

       This forum attracts more decent people but, given the prevalence of indecent ones proliferating in our decaying society in terms of moral obligation, such spine-tingling and stomach-curdling persona (exemplified with sick people trickling over here to poison the halfbakery community, with [21 Quest] here as an exquisite example of the most horrible kind) would be inevitable. I think the idea author here, as an end-time decendant of Cain, is an epitome of the consummation of sexual evil spirit imparted by Satan through the serpent that had beguiled Eve and had brought forth a bastard son.

       No offense here, [21 Quest]. We accept - though others may pretend to - who you really are. Just laugh it off, maybe with a satanic laugh befitting a demon child, such as "BWAHAHAHA" or "hehehe, now I got you, you're mine, although you're dead lying naked! Shhhhhh...! Hisssss...!"
rotary, May 09 2009

       Hey, I never said *I* would pay for it. I merely cater to the twisted folks who do, like arms dealers and lawyers. I saw an untapped market and went for it. Go ahead, point your fingers and turn up your noses. I'll be laughing from the top of my luxurious, lavishly appointed ivory tower (made of faux ivory, of course). Muwahahahaha!!!
21 Quest, May 09 2009

       Go check out the wealth of material at "Sexy Losers" (link).
normzone, May 09 2009

       Ian, I already covered that. What part of DEAD don't you people get?
21 Quest, May 09 2009

       Morrissey has the rights in that scenario I think.
shudderprose, May 09 2009

       [Shudderprose], stop! I've heard that one before.
Some people do have Strangeways.
nineteenthly, May 09 2009

       //What part of DEAD don't you people get?//

       Bigmouth strikes again...but I fear that joke isn't funny anymore.

       [-] BTW. Beyond awful.
shudderprose, May 09 2009

       Dr. [21 Quest], you are such an appallingly devious and consummated voyeur these end-times that long before your spirit dad cannot directly kill mom Eve physically your sick spirit have succeeded into urging the man-like creature to lure Eve into spiritual death-trap of adultery, then it went on continually reveling on every acts of fornication all throughout six millennium long that by now your spirit is in longtime high as you delve more often in the dark recesses of internet pornography that you mesmerized yourself as being that killed, beautiful lady being violated successively by gorgeous gay men wiggling all around! Such insurance definitely assured you will go on dying with your murderous father to hell! Joke! May the sacredness blot out the memory of your wicked ways from our mind, sooner. :-) Peace, out...
rotary, May 09 2009

21 Quest, May 09 2009

       All eeewwness aside, I don't think it would be an incentive for murder. If you are inclined to murder, you wouldn't pay the victim money beforehand, you'd just kill them and do what you like with the corpse.
marklar, May 10 2009

       [rotary] You need to ask someone to check your meds for you.

       But thanks for churning this, 'cos I forgot to bone it.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, May 10 2009

       [Rotary], i don't really know what to say, but [AWOL], i thought you said "find someone to check your needs", which to my mind is an excellent new thing to say to people when you don't know what to say, so: [Rotary], you need to find someone to check your needs for you.
nineteenthly, May 10 2009

       [marklar], hasn't it come to your mind that, no matter how sick such insurance holders, they would cunningly try to circumvent the law by creating a somewhat tampered murder-scene evidence when in fact it was a concerted effort just to gratify their twisted desires, then quickly place false witnessing to the less powerful among them? You should be fully aware how sin operates. Hmmmm, maybe it's convenient for you to be consenting because you liked the idea....
rotary, May 10 2009

       First and fore-most: Bone

       Now, as to the quote: //"Dude, I'd do her even if she was dead!"//, I must admit that I have heard this many times as well. One of the most universal characteristics of combat arms/ all-male unit soldiers is the affinity for necrophilic, beastialitous, and homosexual humor to an incessant degree.

       Honestly. One hour of conversation in a BFV "outside the wire" could put Tom Green out of business forever.

       As to this quote: //Attractive females must hear that line a lot.//, however, I'm inclined to believe Master 21 quest has never had a girlfriend, let alone sex with a woman, and could possibly be posting this fully aware that this is his only realistic chance to ever do so.
MikeD, May 10 2009

       There's no need to be insulting, Mike. You've not been here long enough to know it, and for that I'll forgive your thoughtless comment, but I've been married and divorced, and am engaged to be married again next year. And not in California. I'm going to assume, for your sake, that your lack of tact and lack of ability to think before you speak are just natural side-effects of being in the Army. Well actually, they're more like prerequisites, than side-effects, so I take that back. From an Airman to a Soldier, take my advice: sit down, think before you speak, and if you find yourself incapable of doing so, have a nice, hot cup of shut the fuck up. I won't ask so nicely again.
21 Quest, May 10 2009

       Both of you, please take it to email. Thanks!
jutta, May 10 2009

       No worries, Jutta. I've said my peace, now I'm done.
21 Quest, May 10 2009

       2 Fries. Yeah, I'm cool with that and it's a good answer but I do believe that there is a certain amount of hypocrisy involved with some of the reactions here as, essentially, both scenarios involve 'violating' the dead.

Footnote: At this point I would like to point out that I voted against this idea.
DrBob, May 10 2009

       Good point.
I liked the idea when I thought it was going to be what the original title indicated; insurance against ones own corpse bieng violated if that was a persons choice, which is why my reaction was so opposite.

       Persnally if any part of my remains is of use to another human in order to live, or to live better, they are welcome to it.
I don't like the thought of being dragged out of a drawer for every clumsy med student to slice up but that's just squeamishness. Since they won't let me have my first preference; being pushed out of an airplane near a wolf pack, and my second choice; a tibetan sky burial, is unlikely, then I guess helping budding surgeons learn how to not screw up on the real thing would be a close third.

       There's violated for a good reason and then there's just plain violated.

       No dewt abewt it.   

       Making money's not a good enough reason? I mean, I wouldn't do it, but if someone's in a tight spot and needs the money to pay bills, hey, it's better than prostitution and might even bring in the same amount of money. If you sign the contract under a false ID, then move, you're golden.
21 Quest, May 10 2009

       this is fucking creepy.
goodmars, May 10 2009

       Necrophilia Assurance.

       Bunned, and here's why: as disgusting as the practice of necrophilia may be, it's still my body to do with as I choose, before or after my death. I don't really see this as being drastically different from pre-need funeral planning it's just a different pimp getting paid.
Noexit, May 11 2009

       //it's still my body to do with as I choose//
In the UK and many other jurisdictions, legally not - the dead can't "own" their body. The next of kin is the owner, or, until such is found, the State.

       (I think the jury is still out on who owns your soul, though - apart from yours [Dub] - it's mine)
AbsintheWithoutLeave, May 11 2009


       "Can any body find meeeee.......some body to looooooooooooooove?"

       Radio will never be the same for me now.
Like that time my brain started swapping 'ewe' for 'you'.

       As far as ownership goes, there's way around the "dead can't own their body" thing. Through some deft manipulation your last will and testament, you could leave your body to the owner of the contract for one hour, after which ownership reverts to next of kin. As far as movie rights, you may have something there... my agent will be in touch with you shortly.
21 Quest, May 11 2009

       [+] ya know... if I wasn't the Luddite that I am I'd be pretty tempted to start a website like this even as a joke.
FlyingToaster, May 11 2009

       Forgetting the potential act.

       You know your hot when 51 people have paid and are waiting to have sex with your corpse.

       The only real rating of "Hottness" is a Necrophiliostitution Quotient

       An internet poll would garner credible metrics with this question.

       And consider the reverse what does it say about you if people only offer to sleep with you after they are dead.

       If my girlfriend who is considering marriage discovers that 4 woman countered my advances with a face saving offer of Necrophiliostitution she might think twice about locking down. +
vfrackis, May 12 2009

       Can we please just let this idea die?
normzone, May 12 2009

       I suspect that soliciting a criminal act, even as a joke, might get attention from the legal authorities. Even with "permission" sex with a corpse is a crime.
WcW, May 12 2009

       "Idle" absolutely not! — normzone i just found it and I think it's a great idea and deserves exploration even if it repulses people.

       Only sorry that i missed the Morrissey/Smiths comments, i would have added... "just might die with a smile on my face after all"

       and this theme music for the act and all of the commentary.... "its so easy to laugh its so easy to hate it takes guts to gentle and kind .....Over........... Love is natural and real but not for you my love, not tonight my love"

       live organs in dead people vs dead organs in live people this is serious shit! how else would anyone have arrived at that thought process if not for the posting of this idea

       i have always liked you 21
vfrackis, May 12 2009

       //You know your hot when 51 people have paid and are waiting to have sex with your corpse.//

       No. It means you've managed to meet and fleece 51 sickos. I think I speak for most people when I say I wouldn't sleep with a corpse no matter what they look like.

       No expert in this field, but do necrophiliacs only do it with //hot// corpses?
shudderprose, May 12 2009

       Not one of your best, but given all the detritis and morbid fascinations on the interweb, I would say its opening time down on fascination street.

       Bake it, and they will cum...
4whom, May 12 2009

       //You know your hot when 51 people have paid and are waiting to have sex with your corpse.// Yes, in _necrophilia_ world, and I don't think that's necessarily complimentary.
nineteenthly, May 12 2009

       you know what 21

       you opposed the back yard dog crane and now this unbelievable!

       i am outraged
vfrackis, May 12 2009

       That was completely different, and had nothing in common with this idea, frackis. That idea was to snatch dogs with a giant claw against their will for no other reason than for you to have fun. This idea is completely voluntary, results in monetary gain, and is a vastly better and safer alternative to prostitution for desperate women, because it doesn't come with the risks of STDs, pregnancy, or being alone with a strange guy. The whole process, from first meeting to contract signing to payment, could all be handled out in the open in public places, and to onlookers would look like any normal business transaction.
21 Quest, May 12 2009

       I know this is completely wrong and disgusting... but on the other hand, it's the only way I could ever have sex with certain women (and by "certain" I mean "most") Thus, I'm going to have to say good idea!
threelefts, May 13 2009

       that's where I part ways semantically because if your partner is dead, or passed out, or comatose, then you aren't having sex "with" that person, you are having sex with the object of that persons body. If this sounds like an extra good time then my deepest pity to your live sexual partners because that is the attitude of an absolutely pitiful lover.
WcW, May 13 2009

       Oh my goodness! no, no, no. --
Zuzu, May 13 2009

       Guilt free prostitution? Who told prostitutes felt guilty? But for whom who wants to make money off her body without having to expose herself, there are always foot fetishists who would pay tons of money just to give a massage for instance. Their feet would be happy and their corpse could still deserve some respect. Hell, what if it exists and she gets to watch her body get a bj as she is pushed into the fires?
xkuntay, May 15 2009

       Ok, first of all, girls don't get BJs. You've got your terminology mixed up.
21 Quest, May 15 2009

       with a strap on, why not. since the subject is weird already.
xkuntay, May 15 2009

       if it were legal to do this, you could also pre-sell tickets to voyeurs too
vfrackis, May 16 2009

       i am having trouble understanding why i keep coming back to this post, i think that i have a problem.
vfrackis, May 16 2009

       You're dead-on, [vfrackis].
normzone, Sep 25 2009

       //Can we please just let this idea die?//

It is dead, normz. We just can't stop playing with it! ;o)
DrBob, Nov 05 2009



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