Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Neighbourly Warnings

Keeps those pesky neighbours down.
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If you live in a flat, this attaches to your ceiling, where it measures the sound vibrations of your upstairs neighbors. Once their noise exceeds your pre-specified level (say, 50 decibels), the machine emits a high-pitched wailing at roughly 10 decibels above their noise level.
igirl, Mar 09 2003

Try an auxetophone. http://www.dself.ds...ophone/auxetoph.htm
It was said to be intolerable. [Amos Kito, Oct 04 2004, last modified May 06 2006]

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       Wouldn't this bother you more than it bothered them? After all, the machine is in *your* apartment and they have 50dB going.   

       Surely a better category can be found for this.
snarfyguy, Mar 09 2003
  

       Solution to problem can be found in last .5 hour of Clockwoik Orange
thumbwax, Mar 09 2003
  

       Can it stop your crazy neighbours poisoning your hedge?
Gulherme, Mar 10 2003
  

       //Collect a cupful of cat urine// - easy enough to do, but of course you should really be prepared and keep some in your fridge.
hippo, Mar 10 2003
  

       is it woith watching?
po, Mar 10 2003
  

       My cat pisses in my hallway at least twice a day. Since she's cutting out the middle man, can I annoy my neighbour without fear of retribution?
sambwiches, Mar 10 2003
  

       //is it woith watching?//
Absolutely - watched it Saturday night - again - as I happen to agree with Rods Tiger. Malcolm McDowell and Stanley Kubrick at the top of their craft.
thumbwax, Mar 10 2003
  

       "Singing in the rain, just singing in the rain ......."
8th of 7, Mar 10 2003
  

       Consider the feedforward loop which would occur if your neighbors purchased the same device and attached it to their floor.
bungston, Mar 10 2003
  

       To put those upstairs yahoos out of commission altogether, use an HPM device. Set it to go off in, say, half an hour, and leave, taking all your electronic stuff with you. It emits a very brief but powerful burst of microwave radiation, frying all electronic equipment within a certain radius. A small black market version should certainly be good enough to fry all electronic appliances in the apartment above. It will probably also stall out pacemakers and so forth, so you might want to stay out for awhile, in case there’s trouble.
pluterday, Mar 10 2003
  

       There is an ancient woman who owns the condo directly above mine, and early in the morning I swear to god it sounds like she is moving furniture around. EVERY morning. I went up and talked with her and she denied even having any furniture to move. (hah!)   

       I've been tempted to set up some microphones, record the sound, then use my big subwoofer to reproduce the sound right up into her apartment. Just so she'll know what it sounds like.
krelnik, Mar 10 2003
  

       In college, I used to avenge myself on the selfish noisemakers across the way by locking myself in my room, putting my speakers facing out the window and playing Black Flag's version of "Louie Louie" repeatedly and loudly. That did the trick...
snarfyguy, Mar 10 2003
  

       //sounds like she is moving furniture around. EVERY morning//
[krelnik], I had an upstairs neighbor who would coil a large chain into his bathtub at midnight. At 3am, he installed a cinderblock wall, brick by brick in his living room. Every day. At least it sure sounded like that's what he was doing...
Amos Kito, Mar 10 2003
  

       I've experienced some noises that are pretty obvious indicators of what the neighbor upstairs is doing...and you'd have to be a heartless curmudgeon to interrupt.
[krelnik] turn that tape recorder off NOW.
roby, Mar 11 2003
  

       PLEASE NOTE THAT THE FOLLOWING COMMENTS ARE HYPOTHETICAL ONLY AND SHOULD NEVER BE ATTEMPTED OUTSIDE LABORATORY CONDITIONS. ACTUAL USE MAY CONSTITUTE A BREACH OF APPLICABLE LAWS AND OTHER ETHICAL/ COMMUNITY STANDARDS.   

       There. That's said.   

       //you should really be prepared and keep some in your fridge// Refrigeration has an extra benefit. By reducing the temperature of the liquid, you stop it smelling... until it warms up. This is approach is dangerous, because you can be liable for criminal damage and you are likely to be under suspicion as a neighbor with a cat who has no doubt been complaining about noise.   

       Also stay away from E/M devices, unless you want to go to jail forever under the Homeland Security Act.   

       For these reasons, I like [snarfyguy's] idea. It doesn't have to be anything in particular as long as it's annoyingly repetitive. I once had this done to me unintentionally (perhaps I was taking a collateral hit) in the summer of 1991. I remember it was a Seal (the artist, not the animal) song.   

       I never worked out if it was aimed at a neighbor or just a boring guy who loved Seal. Anyway, the guy found a noise level below the legal/contractual limit and stuck to those rules precisely. It was worse, because he must have intentionally/unintentionally coupled the base transducer to a structural wall and there was no way to keep the noise out of the other appartments.   

       Anyway, the noise inspector visited but found it was legal in all respects. Nevertheless, the repetitive nature made it very hard to bear.   

       Some buildings have anticipated such antics and have rules to prevent them. But first, they'll have to establish that the player doesn't have a Seal/ Louie Louie fetish and is doing it with the intention to annoy. This is very difficult.   

       A further level of nastiness that only a mad scientist, government agent or an innocent fool would inflict uses the ultra- and infra-sound spectral regions.   

       Infrasound is much more devastating and penetrative, but very difficult to tune because the wavelength is long and difficult to resonate.   

       Ultrasound works best for simple experiments. I have seen links to dog whistle samples (WAV and MIDI) on the WWW. I guess a big pulse of this through a HIFI every hour and 37 minutes through the night would have interesting effects for people that keep animals.   

       The wierdest thing is that it's normally innocent people that achieve these frequencies through improperly installed ventillation, or squeaky household equipment. They never even know they're doing it.   

       Pheromones and similar devices are academically interesting too, some attract bees for instance. Other weird fantasies I have had when younger involve trapping massive swarms of biting mosquitos with a Mosquito Magnet (tm) (a CO2 emitting black-body radiator with pheromones too) with the zapper switched off. I planned to sell them as pets, but that was before the recent events and I ruled these out because of the risk of serious biological injury to myself/neighbors.
FloridaManatee, Mar 11 2003
  

       I'm still trying to figure out how to collect cat piss.... I tried following my cat around several times with a cup while she went to the litter box but she just hissed, and walked off.............
theThinker, Mar 24 2003
  

       Sheesh - just don't put any litter in the litter box.
dalek, Mar 24 2003
  

       I just finished reading all of the annotations, and am recalling similar neighbor-related sound incidents/wars in my life. I can't help but look at the bigger picture here. Developers use the cheapest materials possible when creating apartment complexes, which I believe is the real cause of all of this sound-related hatred. In order to save a few dollars in sound insulation material, developers have created/intensified a worldwide phenomenon of terrible neighbor relations, resulting in us attacking each other like rats kept in a small cage. End the madness. Go upstairs, meet your neighbor, be civil and perhaps make a friend. If that doesn't work, move - maybe the next place you live will have better insulation, or at least you may be on top.
Worldgineer, Mar 24 2003
  

       //Go upstairs, meet your neighbor, be civil and perhaps make a friend. If that doesn't work...//   

       KILL THEM!!!!!!!!!!
theThinker, Mar 24 2003
  

       what happens if the people above YOU are doing it to the people above THEM who are doing it to the people above THEM?? think of how loud THAT would be...espcially if there is a 24 hour rave on the 12th floor.
animatedvixen, Mar 26 2003
  
      
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