Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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One Man Boxing

Why Not?
  (+4, -1)
(+4, -1)
  [vote for,

One Man Boxing is carried out in a ring similar to traditional boxing, only smaller. The combatant enters the ring with the traditional display of bravado, perhaps even hoisting his last World Champion Belt high over his head in an attempt to psych out his opponent, er... well, himself.

The gloves are strapped on and the final instructions are given to him by his corner men... then the bell !!!

It is a furious display, with punches to the head and body! He masterfully dodges and weaves; yet a few punches manage to land.

In round 4, he takes a low blow, and is given time to clear his heads and rest his man bits for a moment. He is cautioned by the referee that any further such antics will result in the loss of a point.

The fight continues into the later rounds where he employs a bit of the old rope-a-dope, trying to wear himself down while simultaneously taking a little break. Punches land harmlessly on his forearms! The corner man watches nervously from outside the ring... he hasn't had to throw in the white towel yet, and doesn't really want to; but he knows his fighter is tired and is hanging on through sheer bloody mindedness!

Finally, mercifully, Round 12 ends! He's still on his feet! There will be no TKO today, folks!

Chalk up another win for the champ!

Grogster, Nov 03 2012

Colin 'Bomber' Harris https://en.wikipedi...%22Bomber%22_Harris
Pythons. [DrBob, Nov 04 2012]

"Isn't anybody gonna help that poor man?" http://www.youtube....watch?v=weSB1dk-X8g
[RayfordSteele, Nov 05 2012]


       Is this artful mime or is the guy really socking himself? If mime boxing would be a good start. Especially a stiff leg repeated hop after he is punched in the junk. It should degenerate with eye poking, the mime artist being spun in circles by the hair, then taking out the mime chainsaw, then backing away trying to slap out the flames / dropping and rolling after he was doused in gasoline, and culminating with him ripping/chewing a piece off of his invisible opponent and beating him with it.
bungston, Nov 03 2012

       In my earlier youth I used to wrestle myself. Won some, lost some, was declared ineligible for the olympics because I'd earned some money as a pro.
normzone, Nov 03 2012

       [bungston], the original thought was that he would actually be punching himself, with the goal of attaining a knockout. He would, of course, have to vigorously defend himself against the onslaught to avoid it. In the end, if he remains standing, he wins --- or he loses, depending on which side you're rooting for [and/or] betting on.   

       In some venues it is not inconceivable that he could be bribed to take a fall in a particular round; however he could be sanctioned heavily if it ever came to light.   

       Seedy business, that.
Grogster, Nov 03 2012

       It's within the realm of possibility I might not have thought this through.
Grogster, Nov 03 2012

       // It's within the realm of possibility I might not have thought this through. //   

       So very, very [marked-for-tagline]
Alterother, Nov 03 2012

       We assert that this is Baked. Apparently, many alleged criminals arrested by the Metropolitan Police indulge in this on a regular basis. Sadly, no video is available- all there is is the evidence of the (self-inflicted) injuries.
8th of 7, Nov 04 2012

       [8th], has the borg hive mind considered the possibility that the aforementioned "self inflicted" injuries might NOT be, as you collectively say, "self inflicted"?   

       It is rather difficult for anyone (regardless of whether they are engaged in some sort of criminal enterprise) to punch themselves in the kidney hard enough to affect a rupture.   

       (Hey, wait a minute... do the borg have kidneys? Some additional explanation may be required to illustrate the concept...)   

       Aside from the anatomical possibilities of self inflicted injury outside the ring (discounting for the purposes of this conversation recreational forms such as S&M), I am instead specifically referring to a sanctioned sporting activity which hitherto successfully failed to exist.
Grogster, Nov 04 2012

       <Python> In the blue corner, Colin 'Bomber' Harris and in the red corner, Colin 'Bomber' Harris. </Python>
DrBob, Nov 04 2012

       On the other hand, there's a ring.   

       <cue heavy sigh> Et tu, Monty?   

       My kingdom for a time machine and a machete.
Grogster, Nov 04 2012

       Bomber Harris is from Guy Ritchie's _Snatch_. Can't remember the name from the Python sketch.
Alterother, Nov 05 2012

       [AO], Colin "Bomber" Harris was indeed a Monty Python sketch, it turns out; and even though Colin was a wrestler and not a boxer, it does rather knock my idea into a cocked hat.   

       Drat, that.
Grogster, Nov 05 2012

       Blazing Saddles moment: "Do what he say! Do what he say!"
RayfordSteele, Nov 05 2012

       What is the sound of one man boxing?
Cuit_au_Four, Nov 05 2012

       //What is the sound of one man boxing?//   

       Funny you should ask, [C4]!! I was thinking how cool it would be if, instead of the traditional announcers and color commentators, the microphones would be exclusively trained on [and/or] attached to the fighter himself. I imagine sounds like "OOF!" and "UNGGH" and lots of heavy breathing. The announcers voices would fade into the din, and rise and fall with the rest of the crowd.
Grogster, Nov 05 2012

       // the aforementioned "self inflicted" injuries might NOT be, as you collectively say, "self inflicted"? //   

       But that implies that there are police officers that are violent, corrupt, dishonest thugs …   

       // What is the sound of one man boxing? //   

       According to the IPCC, it sounds exactly the same as someone tripping and falling down some steps.
8th of 7, Nov 05 2012

       This would be good practice for the next Republican candidate...
RayfordSteele, Nov 05 2012

       Thanks for the correction, [Grog]. I suspect Ritchie was tipping the hat.
Alterother, Nov 06 2012

       [b65], if you can program the mecha to bend over and announce OOF!! when he gets punched (or kicked) in the nether region, you might have something bunworthy there [you should post it anyway, creative juices and all that]... but, that said... did you miss that bit where, other than the referee, the champ is in the ring alone? (Just to clarify)
Grogster, Nov 06 2012

       [bigs], I was making the assumption he was referring to an android or robot; although now that I think about it he might have meant mocha, the popular overpriced coffee drink.   

       <Note to Self: Be careful making assumptions in the HB>
Grogster, Nov 07 2012


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