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Only Turn Right

prescription for unravelling the world and hastening the sigularity
  (+1, -6)(+1, -6)
(+1, -6)
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This is a prescription for general movement rather than a specific dance.

A left turn can be made with 3 right turns, so, to arbitrarily choose one (although I can see a problem between left and right road countries) only make right turns and pretty soon everybody will follow your lead and the whole world will become one big right-turn waltz unravelling its way into the singularity.

The advantage of this is that with everyone only making right turns it is much easier to negotiate tight spots. you are never really crossing anyones path, you will just sort of flow around them. This is a technique that tractor trailer trucks use in small parking lots.

Earlier today i realized as i got on to the subway for the 7 millionth time, that everything, the whole world is about which way you turn. For instatnce, on the subway, as soon as I get in the car I have to turn one way or the other to end up facing the door I came in. I generally stand up in the subway so I dont have to negotiate sitting down, I only have to decide which way to turn and I make the decision totally based on who is around me and how much I trust their looks or whether I am sexually attracted to them. Turning toward someone gives respect to them and turning away gives your ass to them. It is a smell thing, and, well actually it is an everything thing. I have discovered through observing myself that I generally give respect to the large males on the subway and my ass to the women and the skinny guys. Pretty fing horrible right? Well it gets worse if you think about it because once you become conscious of it you slow down and then everyone else is conscious of it too and then you are having to give your ass to people who know what you are doing and then sit next to them. No matter how great of a person you are you are never going to win over anyone who you consciously give your ass to.

So what is the solution? To gain the super power to turn oneself inside out? That would be a great trick for Math Man maybe.

Everyone has to make this choice in a closed space like an elevator or a subway. It just that most people do is unconsciously and with such smoothness and negotiation that you never notice how quickly you fall into either the respect or the disrespect categories.

I always feel so bad on the subway -- because my body language is encouraging people to turn away from me and I am ending up in the collective disrespect category. It is a physcial location in a closed space where most of the anus air ends up. You cant help but feel like shit there.

The good news is that you can learn to negotiate these situations from watching Mystery the pick up artist or Cesar the Dog Whisperer on Youtube. Dont get stuck in the disrespect category, I am telling you from personal experience. There is a disrepect hole in every closed space that contains humans. it is where all the anus air is gathered. Sorry, its true. And if you end up there, you will feel like shit. My experience is that, if you body languge people the wrong way they will give you their butts and howevers and the smell of their anuses and that will gently lead you into feeling like shit. What a surprise.

So if you want to avoid the disrespect hole, make the decision to only turn right and then you will not have to worry about which way to turn since you can only turn right and, you will end up doing alot more turns (3 rights for every left means twice as many turns overall) and spinning around alot. This will encourage other people to do the same and pretty soon we will all be dancing the right turn dance and gently unravelling all the knots that the world is tied up into.

The Right Turn Dance.

JesusHChrist, Jul 29 2007

Turning right saves fuel http://multichannel...isor/fuel_conserve/
[zen_tom, Jul 29 2007]


normzone, Jul 29 2007

       This idea contains one of the strangest statements I have ever read, and well worth throwing into the middle of any conversation .... did you know that //There is a disrepect hole in every closed space that contains humans// ?
xenzag, Jul 29 2007

       // you are never going to win over anyone who you consciously give your ass to. // No comment needed.
marklar, Jul 29 2007

       //Sorry, its true.//   

       Sorry, it's not. You are way overthinking this. If you must obsess over who you face in a public space, rather than thinking about it in terms of disrespect; why not shift that to terms of trust. i.e. you face the large males, because you don't trust them, while skinnier people pose less of a threat to you, so you can trust them not to jump you from behind. Now, everyone you face is someone you feel threatened by, and actively facing them is an overt statement of hostility, while those behind will feel safe. Continuing to think along these lines, the people behind you will even think you are protecting them from potential threats, and the people in front of you will get annoyed because you find them threatening.   

       At this point, switch your world-view once more, so the people behind you have to look at your arse, and those in front are those you respect.   

       Just keep switching between these two modes of thought, and everyone will be equally happy/unhappy - and you can finally relax.   

       Alternately, in these situations, spin in place for the duration of the journey and everyone will thank you for your consideration. You might end up at your destination feeling a little dizzy, but that's the price of social harmony.   

       In terms of traffic, I remember hearing somewhere that UPS drivers in the states have been instructed to only turn right, and that somehow this has saved the company millions in saved fuel costs - something like that.
zen_tom, Jul 29 2007

       [marked-for-tagline] 'give your ass to people'
nuclear hobo, Jul 29 2007

       // I make the decision totally based on who is around me and how much I trust their looks or whether I am sexually attracted to//   

       Im going to find Jesus now...
evilpenguin, Jul 29 2007

       But...if we all turn right it will slow down the spin of the earth.   

       You are assuming that any 'block' may be circumnavigated in a reasonable distance. There are many places where if left turns are disallowed (except when a path bends left and no alternative movement is possible), navigation would require U-turns. And those strike me as even worse than left turns in many regards.   

       On the other hand, roundabouts provide an interesting alternative to conventional right and left turns. I would expect that they've been used through the years for many types of traffic other than automobiles, but they're only suitable for traffic densities within a certain range. Once roundabouts get to be more than one lane, they become totally insane.
supercat, Jul 29 2007


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