Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Ouch! Machines

what does it feel like to stung by a scorpion?
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Ouch! Machines have only one purpose, and that is to deliver the equivalent pain of a number of bites and stings of the various terrors of the insect world.

There is always a certain type of person who wonders what it might feel like to be bitten by a giant centipede, or stung by a poisonous jelly fish. Tales of hands being put into boiling water to quell the resulting anguish are common, but just how bad is it? No need to wonder any more, with the Ouch! Machine at your service.

The machine itself is simple. You just rotate the large dial until it points to the beastly selection, then set the secondary timer control to either short and sharp, or numbingly long. You then enter some personal details that conclude with waiving the machine owner of all responsibility. Finally you place the limb of your choice into the machine's action chamber, and feed it some money.

Following a short countdown your bite/sting of choice is delivered [by a combination of mechanical jaws/needle(s)]. As a small reward, your details are used to generate a lurid certificate, verifying that you have received a simulated bite by the hideous insect/creature you had selected.

These machines would probably find plenty of willing customers in sports bars and other such venues, where the fool-hardy are always keen to subject themselves to torturous enterprises in order to prove something or other.

xenzag, Aug 15 2010

Schmidt Sting Pain Index http://en.wikipedia...dt_Sting_Pain_Index
check out the Bullet Ant description.... be afraid [xenzag, Aug 15 2010]

Giant Centipede http://www.foundbyp...deadly-killers.html
this scares me [xenzag, Aug 15 2010]

How tiny little insects get us to do exactly as they wish http://discovermaga...2003/jun/featstung/
cool article on schmidt [murbs, Aug 16 2010]


       @link: I like the yellowjacket description more.
DrWorm, Aug 15 2010

       Yes - that one's excellent, but the Bullet Ant sounds seriously bad. I notice that the Giant Centipede didn't feature. I still think I'd chose any ant bite over one of these.
xenzag, Aug 15 2010

       In future cultures this may mark the ascent into manhood. <Boy emerges from sacred Yurt, hair still smoking> Dad: "...you're a man now, my son!..." Bun [+].
Grogster, Aug 15 2010

       Stonefish. Blue-ringed octopus. Irukanji jellyfish.   


       (Hmmm. All the above are Australian ...)
8th of 7, Aug 15 2010

       Apart from qualifying you for the Bene Gesserit, this would be useful for patients with chronic pain. Those unfortunates are asked to rate their suffering on a 1 to 10 scale, with 10 being "the worst pain you can imagine." It's invaluable, but impossible to do really correctly. How bad is the worst imaginable pain? Some patients rate their pain as "10," but I've often suspected that this only reflects their limited imagination. I'll bet Torquemada, for example, had a few implements which would "go to eleven.*" With this device, you could calibrate everyone to the Schmidt scale.   

       *or Pieter de Vries, for that matter.
mouseposture, Aug 15 2010

       Despite the unlikelihood I would ever use this, this... actually seems like a pretty good idea.   

       You'd have to have some really complex calibration mechanisms to prevent any actual damage from occuring, though.   

       Perhaps use direct electrical stimulation of pain receptors instead of needles and jaws?
Hive_Mind, Aug 16 2010

       eewww, but good idea +
xandram, Aug 16 2010

       I can't imagine how you could harmlessly but correctly simulate the effects of various kinds of neurotoxins.
Voice, Aug 16 2010

       The Schmidt Sting Pain Index is amazing. With a machine like this he could go on TV and have arguments with someone else about which one is most painful (and how does "Someone has fired a staple into your cheek" not belong to a sting higher on the scale?). With good marketing it is likely we would all be trying this. Scary no...
murbs, Aug 16 2010

       This reminds me of the evil pain doctor in "Princess Bride". The legit application of helping patients rate their level of pain doesn't seem to outweigh the torture possibilities.
sdgathman, Aug 17 2010

       What [Voice] said. I tend to think pain is quite subjective. For instance, I can tolerate the sound of nails on a chalkboard quite well, while others will be mad at me for even eliciting the notion.
daseva, Aug 17 2010


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